My very sad Story

With all the wonderful good things happening for everyone on here, in the nature of balance there had to be some tragedy. Sadly my story is tragic horrible and unfathomable. I am putting it under a link in case you want to not read it at this time as it really is hard.

I woke up Christmas eve morning in labor, called my midwife and woke up my husband. We were so excited, the look on Dave’s face when I woke him was priceless, the moment we have so been waiting for had finally arrived and Evan was coming. When the midwife arrived she check the fetal heartbeat but could not find one, she tried to keep me calm saying he may just be in a weird position so we all ran to the hospital were they proceeded to do an ultrasound. No one was speaking, then Dave said someone say something, can you his heart? They said yes. Well is it beating? No its not. DEVASTATION They sadly had to confirm that at some point the night before baby had passed away in utero. I had had a perfect pregnancy up until that moment in time and baby had been been healthy and hyper just the day before, so this moment was unforeseen and unimaginable.

Since I was in active labor we proceeded with the birth, Its obviously all kinda a blur to me, but I was given an epidural as I was in dire pain, baby was posterior and I had back labor like you would not believe. They then gave me a pitocin drip to move delivery along as quick as possible and 4 hours later I was fully dilated and pushing baby Evan out. Sadly because of his posterior presentation he was getting trapped in the pelvic bones and no matter how hard I pushed he could not move down passed a certain point, so I was brought into the OR and he was delivered with foreceps assistance 3 contractions later.

There was no apparent trauma or any sign of a struggle at all on him, placenta and cord looked healthy and intact so the reason for his passing was not immediately obvious. They took him away to clean him up and stitch me up, then we got to spend some time with him. He was a perfect little boy, weighed 7lbs 110z and had a head full of black hair, looked so much like his daddy. I looked him over head to toe, he was so perfect, full chubby cheeks and that super soft baby skin, I even sneaked a peak at this genitals, so tiny and perfect as well. He looked so long, at 21″ I could not believe he had fit in my belly.

They will perform a full autopsy to see if they can answer any questions for us, but the doctor really seems to think he somehow pinched his own cord and cut off his oxygen, in which case nothing could have been done as its an almost instant death.

We are mourning him very much, every ounce of my being aches to hold and kiss him and I don’t know how I am going to pull though this. I will take it one day at a time and get lots of help cause I am fully aware I am going to need it. Tomorrow and every hour after that looks bleak to me right now but our families are being very supportive and here for us. We need some alone time to heal as a family so that is what we will be doing over the next while. We will be having a tiny family funeral for him in the next bit and I will soon post here what charities we are supporting if anyone wants to make a donation in little Evan Maynards memory.

Evan Clements Maynard, 7lb 11 oz Stillborn at 11pm December 24th, 2007. I love you so much baby my life will just be so empty without you.


About mommamaynard

“Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance you must keep moving.” — Albert Einstein. When it feels like your world has been shattered, and you have reached rock bottom, you must make a choice: Stay where you are and fade away, or keep moving forward. Thankfully I chose to move forward and was blessed with the two most wonderful children after the death of my first in early labor. Things are looking up.

Posted on December 28, 2007, in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. 31 Comments.

  1. I’m reading back in your LJ, to get to know you, who you are, etc…anyhoo—your story is hearbreaking and I’m so sorry for your loss……as a fellow stillbirth mama, my heart just hurts for you….HUGS!!!!
    Evan is a beautiful name!!

    • Thanks. Worse day of my life, I have been so lost and confused since, it’s so weird and horrible, going into the hospital prepared to be a mom and leaving without a child and going back to your old life somehow. I have resented that, living my life the way did before Evan, I was so ready for a change.

      • Yes, I can relate….worst day of my life was when our daughter was stillborn as well….HUGS!
        And life did change after that, just NOT the way you’d envisioned….I call it our “new normal” which really means, NOT normal—it’s NOT normal for a parent to outlive their child.
        SIGH……so so so awfully sad….HUGS to you!!

  2. do you have any pics? i’d love to see pics of your beautiful sweet angel. since catti died, i find more comfort in looking at her friends, stillborn babies i like to think are all playing together and one big family til we all meet again.

  3. So very sorry
    Hi there…just linked to your blog from sweet salty Kate’s….I am so very sorry for your loss. Sending hugs your way.

  4. I’m so terribly sorry. My heart is breaking for you and your family. Please take care, and your family is my thoughts.

  5. I’m so sorry for your loss. You’re in my thoughts and prayers. *hugs*
    Sending you strength and love.

  6. beautiful friends
    if you let anything touch your heart through this let it be the support you are receiving from these friends. These posts are beautiful and you have amazing friends (and even some who dont know you in person) who are hurting for you so much and are sending you so much love. if you let anything in during this time let it be the love of your friends and family.

  7. I am so sorry. I will keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers. *many hugs*

  8. You don’t know me, but I’ve been reading your journal for a while. My heart hurts for you. I am sorry for your loss.

  9. I am so sorry for your loss 😦

  10. My heart is broken for you. There are no words. We will pray for you. **hugs**

  11. Oh honey. 😦 Your family is in my thoughts and I’m so so sorry for your loss. Keep your head up. 😦

  12. I am so sorry. Many, many hugs and prayers for you and your family.

  13. There are no good words to say…you’re in our thoughts and prayers.

  14. my heart is breaking for you.
    i am so sorry for what you are going through.

  15. *hug* You will be in my thoughts and prayers, I am so sorry you are having to go through this I can’t even imagine how hard this must be for you:(

  16. Your family is in our (family’s) thoughts and prayers.

  17. Not what I expected at all. *hugs tight*

  18. I don’t have adequate words to express my sympathy or heartbreak for you. 😦
    You are in my thoughts and prayers.

  19. So sorry… All the love in the world to you.

  20. I’m so sorry.
    You are in my thoughts and prayers.

  21. I’m so sorry for what you’re going through.

  22. Words can’t even express how so very sorry I am. My heart is completely breaking for you and your family. I will be praying for peace for all of you, if it’s okay.

  23. Wow..I really dont know what to say except I’m really sorry!
    I hope you find peace and healing after such a difficult tramua. may the Goddess wrap you in her arms and allow you to know her love.

  24. I hope you are finding peace. You were on my mind so I came to find out how you were, and never thought.. no one can ever prepare for something like this, but I promise people survive. They never stop missing and mourning, but they survive, and they are able to find peace. Take it each breath at a time.

  25. oh god… jaime… my heart aches to hear this; i am crying so hard and cannot imagine how you must feel. please let me know if there is anything at all in the world i can do to support you through this. really, anything. i am so, so sorry that this happened. i am thinking of you and sending you love and prayers.

  26. I know that there is nothing I can say that can help. Just know how awfully sorry I am for your loss. You and your family are in my thoughts. =(

  27. I am so, so sorry, honey. I can’t fathom what you are going though right now, it’s unbelievable.
    I am sending you good vibes and energy. You need to mourn and you need to heal.

  28. omg! just… wow. i don’t know what to say. it took me forever to read that because i cried all the way through it. i cant even imagine how you are feeling and dealing with that.
    i am so sorry. i know it probably doesn’t help right now but you are in my thoughts. if you ever need to talk, ever, feel free to message me. i hope you start feeling better and healing soon, as tough as it is.

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