I am half sick of shadows..The East Coast Lady of Shalott

Today, that is how I feel. Alone, in a mile high tower, living a solitary existance, alone in my sorrow, cursed to only look upon the reflection of what seems to be everyone else’s joyful existance. Should I even dare to try and be like them, to be "Normal", the curse falls upon me, Death befalls me.  Like a myth others wisper about under their breath, "That poor girl, she is stuck in the dark tower all alone. We are so greatful to be down here, how awful it must to be her. "  "She is cursed, her baby died you know, she was passed her due date and then suddenly and unexpectedly her dream was gone." Peasants wisper, but it won’t happen to us, she must have done something to bring this on, people don’t just get cursed for nothing. "

I do, get cursed for nothing that is,
What is Karma anyways? and how can one believe in it when retched cruel people I have known well have a perfect little family with good jobs and healthy children.  I look down as an observer from my dark place and witness their joy. They have 2 now and I can’t even have one, 
I am not a fan of this lifetime, I hope the next one is more promising. 

Yes, I know I have lot’s to be greatful for, but today, today I am sad and bitter and angry and I feel so alone, in my real life world. I hate being part of the exception to the rule. 


About mommamaynard

“Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance you must keep moving.” — Albert Einstein. When it feels like your world has been shattered, and you have reached rock bottom, you must make a choice: Stay where you are and fade away, or keep moving forward. Thankfully I chose to move forward and was blessed with the two most wonderful children after the death of my first in early labor. Things are looking up.

Posted on October 7, 2008, in Uncategorized and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink. 2 Comments.

    • Thanks. Been feeling down for a couple of days. Sometimes it just seems like EVERYONE is having babies, I guess it’s cause of my age. I want another but am soooo scared so I keep putting it off.

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