Why does she not get it???
I had to get mad at my mother yesterday. The man in her life’s eldest daughter, who is like 22, is due anytime with her first child. Mom keep’s mentioning it, oh her cervix is soft, the doctor says anyday now. Blah blah blah, you get the picture. Anyhow, yesterday she says to me, "Oh her water broke she is going to have that baby any time". I couldn’t stand hearing about it anymore, I said to her " Mom I really don’t care, I don’t want to hear about it, I don’t want to know about it, it’s painful for me to hear you talk about her having a baby anytime, besides, there is no guarantee". Mom stopped and said " I am sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you, but hun you have to get used to this, it’s going to keep happening."
Excuse me-but I don’t have to get to used to anything, it’s my life that has been ruined. In my world-a healthy pregnancy and normal labour does not mean a living child. Period. I absolutly hate how everyone else, including my mom seem to disreguard this possibility. They just want to chalk it up to doing something wrong, or having a high risk pregnancy, or complications. I didn’t. In my case it was Russian Roulette. It was random, unforseen and unredictable. It happens. No one wants to stop and consider that until they experience it. Yet we all talk about SIDS. Stillbirth happens more the SIDS folks.
Just dosen’t seem to happen to crack heads and thief’s.
Yes I am. This daughter about to birth the child was busted for shoplifting in her 39th week of pregnancy, and she has no reason to as she is spoiled and has full family support. She chain smokes and has never had a job. The baby’s dad is a drug dealer. They will make splendid parents.
Anyways, last week I was in diversity training, we had to do this exercise where we select from a variety of pictures-Who we would want as a neighbour, as a doctor and as a spouse for our children, if we had children. The facilitator was 38 weeks pregnant, the second one had a 6 year old child. The whole day was immensely painful for me. I teared up when asked who I would choose to marry my child. I wanted to yell-"No one can marry my child because my child died". When having babies is a societal norm, and you are a victim of stillbirth, you live your days feeling like a motherhood Pariah. Somedays I find exisiting to be difficult. Yesterday was one of those days when I found myself locked in my office crying after listening to my mother tell me I would have to "Get used" to hearing about other people have babies. The only babies being born I want to hear about are those of my stillbirth pariah friends. It hurts-It sucks-It’s real. Stillbirth is awful and I just wish it was not so damn taboo. Let’s all just stick our heads in the ground and play Ostrich.