The Holly Jolly Celebration of my son’s Death Day…
As I am sure most who know me can imagine, I am NOT looking forward to this Christmas at all. Christmas was always very special to me, and I was sooooooooo happy to be having a child just before the holidays, we got him a newborn santa suit, a plaster hand and foot cast tree ornament and lots and lots of other baby Christmas things. When Evan died on Christmas eve, my dreams, my world, my heart were shattered. I am at a loss what to do at Christmas now, at least this year.
Last night I had a support group meeting, we talked about Christmas and how to handle it, what to do, we got some good suggestions, one was to write a letter to friends and family explaining how you feel.
To all my dear family and friends:
It will not be our first Christmas without our child, since Evan passed away last Christmas Eve, however it is the one year annniversary of the loss of our only son. I have all I manage just coping with the "spirit" of the holiday on the radio, TV, in the newspapers and stores. I do not feel joyous, and trying to pretend this Christmas is going to be like pevious years will be impossible because we are missing one. Please allow me to talk about my child if I feel the need. Don’t be uncomfortable with my tears. My heart is breaking and the tears are a way of letting out my sadness. I plan to do something special in memory of my child. Please recognize my need to do this in order to keep his memorie alive. My fear is not that I’ll forget about him, but that you will. Please don’t critize me if I do something that you don’t think is normal. I’m a differant person now and it may take a long time before this differant person reaches an acceptance of my childs death. As I survive the stages of grief, I will need your patience and support, expecially during these holiday times and the other "special" days throughout the year.
Thank you for not expecting too much from me this holiday season.