Stuff. dreams and reality…

*I am still dizzy as f%&k.  I don’t know WTH is up.  Yesterday I tipped into Dave when I stood up, it’s got to be an inner ear thing like I had in July related to Meniere’s. Weird.

**I am so tiered today, my eyes have not been co-operating and still look half closed even after eye cream and makeup. Dave said I have sleep eyes. Thank goodness today is my Friday since I am off tommorow, woot woot.

***Dave’s sister is in labour 😦   I  keep praying it’s not a boy, but I know how cursed I am most days so it probably is. Dave says he feel anxious her child will die or something will go wrong. I never think that, I always think she has a horseshoe so far up her A#$ that life just unfolds before her.  

****Last night I dreamt I was pregnant with twins πŸ™‚ good sigh!

***** Now for the private stuff. Dave came to get me at work on Tuesday and he looked deflated, his energy was dark and dull. I asked what was up, he had just come back from counselling, he went for a free counselling session and signed himself up for anger management. He has been very short lately and sarcastic all the time and it hurts my feelings alot. He decided after our big fight Monday night that he has anger issues and felt he was loosing control of them and needed help. He feel’s he never grieved Evan properly since he was so busy taking care of me, and now it is creeping up on him and he feel very depressed and hopeless alot of days.  We will take up more group counselling next week when my benefits kick in. I have to remember to make room for him. I have a tendancy to forget I am not alone in this and hog all the support, I forget that just because he didn’t carry Evan in his body, he was a dad and he was there and clear minded for the whole delivery so he too is likely managing some post traumatic stress. Grief can make a person so self absorbed, I have been in so much pain I didn’t even care to make sure he was ok, I honestly have just had such a hard time taking care of myself. This is why he needs counselling, since I am to directly involved and equally fucked up to really truly help

OK off to teach a workshop. I have Directions workshop this morning in which I help people to find an ideal career direction based on their values, interests and strenghts. Ironically on Tuesday I taught a Stress Management workshop and felt like a right hypocrite πŸ™‚ Oh well, isen’t that life after all, Do as I say and not as I do…


About mommamaynard

β€œLife is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance you must keep moving.” β€” Albert Einstein. When it feels like your world has been shattered, and you have reached rock bottom, you must make a choice: Stay where you are and fade away, or keep moving forward. Thankfully I chose to move forward and was blessed with the two most wonderful children after the death of my first in early labor. Things are looking up.

Posted on November 27, 2008, in Uncategorized and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 1 Comment.

  1. (((((((hugs)))))))))))
    We can only do what we can do, ya know? I’m glad he is getting help (and it doesn’t surprise me that his grief is slightly “delayed,” I think that’s normal.)
    PS: My friend W has a similar dizziness thing (has had it for over a year now). I’ll ask her what hers is called, it’s been HORRIFIC b/c it isn’t responding to any treatment.

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