Letter to mother in law….

After us blatently, and honestly telling her how hard it is for us to be happy for Sara and her new babe. I get a spam email of a picture of the baby just after he was born in the arms of his proud big sister. The email says, because I am proud and just wanted to show of my grandchildren…….CAN YOU BELEIVE THAT….WHAT IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE????

Here is my reply…
Hi Donna!

Could you please send any pictures or news of the baby to Dave’s email at maynardcook@yahoo.ca. I would really ,really appreciate it. I apreciate the thought, really I do, and I know the little one is family and that you are happy and proud, and you mean well but I am not strong enough to deal with it all right now, unfortunately.  I always prided myself on my strength but what we have gone though with losing Evan has caused me incredible strife and I am struggling with post traumatic stress disorder and depression and have been getting counselling for that. Although I thought I was doing well, If you know about post traumatic stress disorder, you will understand that with the first snowfall and other things related to this time of year, it has been causing me panic and anxiety triggers all over the place, buried memories I suppose coming back to light. I took out my formal work winter coat only to find it was packed full of klennex, which I quickly realised was because the last time I wore it was to Evan’s funeral. Dealing with Christmas, both of us have been having to re-live what we went through with the labor and delivery of our son and it’s been wearing us both very thin and tearing us apart. So although we are truly happy for Sara and Sam and glad everyone is healthy, I have just barely enough strength to make it through Christmas so I just need a break from the baby until the new year when I am feeling a bit stronger.

My counsellor tells me it’s important to be honest and transparent and tell people what I need, so this is my second attempt after we decided to do NY for Christmas and I explained why to all my family. I hope you can understand.

 Thanks.

Jaime.

In other news: 2 hours before I got this email,, I started my period so I already feel crampy and bitchy this was just the icing on the cake. Thank the God’s for good friends, cause seem to be all I have have. Friends and Dave, my family all seems to think I should be over this by now and just tell bascially send me back to my therapist saying I am not doing well.

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About mommamaynard

“Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance you must keep moving.” — Albert Einstein. When it feels like your world has been shattered, and you have reached rock bottom, you must make a choice: Stay where you are and fade away, or keep moving forward. Thankfully I chose to move forward and was blessed with the two most wonderful children after the death of my first in early labor. Things are looking up.

Posted on November 30, 2008, in Uncategorized and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink. 12 Comments.

  1. Your family thinks you are not doing well? Sweetie, I think you are doing phenomenally well, considering what you and Dave have gone through. I probably would have killed myself, in all honesty. You are so strong and so brave. The only reason they might think you aren’t doing well is because they haven’t been there. They don’t understand.

  2. Oh- this also reminds me. I wasn’t sure how often you go through your FL because it might be painful. I just wanted to make sure you saw my thanksgiving post w/ the FL thanks.
    http://crazy8s.livejournal.com/365093.html

    • I haden’t I go through often but somehow I missed that one. It dosen’t hurt to badly to read about your little one’s anymore most of the time. I do also think we have alot to offer each other as friends.
      I am never unhappy when grateful people get little one’s, its the ungreatful one’s that kill me a little.

  3. I thought your letter was very well-written and it explained how you felt in a non-confrontational way. Surely MIL will be a bit more sensitive in the future. ((hugs))

  4. I agree it’s very well written. Even if she doesn’t get why you’re upset hearing about another baby boy she has to understand what you said.

  5. I agree, fair and honest. Much more than she deserves.

  6. I agree with – well-written, honest, and very fair.
    I would have flipped out and been harsher at that point. I envy your appearance calm and peacefulness, such a mama you are ❤

    • Oh I wanted too….there is history here. She did the same thing when Dave’s dad died, just moved…on..her kids left in the wings desperatly missing their dad while she moved on, they left to find comfort in the arms of drugs and alcohol. I wanted to say so much more. Like how selfish, open your eyes, find that streak of humanity in there somewhere and try to understand…….
      But I decided calm cool and collected would better attain the desired end.

  7. very nice letter, i hope it works *hugs*

  8. Great letter, seriously. I just don’t understand people. I swear to God i don’t. Do they think there is a time period for grief?? I am sorry to be so angry its just something I almost deal with daily and it makes me so sick that people don’t understand NOTHING is ever gonna be the same! 😦

  9. That is incredibly honest, well-written and fair.

    • Thank you that was the goal. I feel bad that it hurts so much, and that I can’t be happy for my SIL right now, then I get in trouble for feeling bad..cause I have to worry about me and my own health first.
      I wanted to try and make her see, this is a tough time for me, seeing pictures of newborn boys is making me cry…alot….
      If it was a girl…I am fine. It’s just making me feel the pain of losing Evan all over again,like badly, like my chest feel’s ripped out and shredded.

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