Letter to mother in law….
After us blatently, and honestly telling her how hard it is for us to be happy for Sara and her new babe. I get a spam email of a picture of the baby just after he was born in the arms of his proud big sister. The email says, because I am proud and just wanted to show of my grandchildren…….CAN YOU BELEIVE THAT….WHAT IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE????
Here is my reply…
Could you please send any pictures or news of the baby to Dave’s email at firstname.lastname@example.org. I would really ,really appreciate it. I apreciate the thought, really I do, and I know the little one is family and that you are happy and proud, and you mean well but I am not strong enough to deal with it all right now, unfortunately. I always prided myself on my strength but what we have gone though with losing Evan has caused me incredible strife and I am struggling with post traumatic stress disorder and depression and have been getting counselling for that. Although I thought I was doing well, If you know about post traumatic stress disorder, you will understand that with the first snowfall and other things related to this time of year, it has been causing me panic and anxiety triggers all over the place, buried memories I suppose coming back to light. I took out my formal work winter coat only to find it was packed full of klennex, which I quickly realised was because the last time I wore it was to Evan’s funeral. Dealing with Christmas, both of us have been having to re-live what we went through with the labor and delivery of our son and it’s been wearing us both very thin and tearing us apart. So although we are truly happy for Sara and Sam and glad everyone is healthy, I have just barely enough strength to make it through Christmas so I just need a break from the baby until the new year when I am feeling a bit stronger.
My counsellor tells me it’s important to be honest and transparent and tell people what I need, so this is my second attempt after we decided to do NY for Christmas and I explained why to all my family. I hope you can understand.
In other news: 2 hours before I got this email,, I started my period so I already feel crampy and bitchy this was just the icing on the cake. Thank the God’s for good friends, cause seem to be all I have have. Friends and Dave, my family all seems to think I should be over this by now and just tell bascially send me back to my therapist saying I am not doing well.