ATTLY cont…

 

How can you make us love you so

When we have barely met?

Inside we could never see

We felt the life and love of thee.

Our eyes are very wet.

 

How can you make us love you so

When we have barely met?

Were you waiting since long time ago,

Someone we now will always know?

Our eyes are very wet.

 

I came when you two loved me so,

And there we first did meet;

We’ll meet again along a shore

Where life is long and love is more,

To see what never eyes did see

Unless the eyes were wet.

Poem from:To Henry in Heaven
 

At this Time Last Year
 

Still have a cold but discovered last night that Dave’s breath right nasal strips help immensely with the sleep breathing.
Oh sorry did I say sleep, ha! when your this pregnant sleep is a strange and mystical thing, really, its fucked up yo!
I was exausted yawning my head off at 11pm, went to bed, crashed immediately, slept hard for 2 hours, then woke up to pee, wide awake, ready to conquer  the world. Had to force myself back sleep every 3 hours and slept ever so lightly between those intervals. So weird.
I have always been a championship sleeper, so this is all new to me.  Its all very strange.

I had some mad ass contractions all night last night, this whole week has been like that, mad contractions by night that dissipate by day. I am holding out to have this baby by Monday, I so hope. I really want to have him sooner rather then later so I am well healed by Yule and can enjoy my visit to Moncton and all my family, I look forward to it all year,

Last night I had a dream that kept telling me, until you are 100% at peace with the birthing process, he is gonna hold off, you need to empty your mind of all your fears of giving birth. I think that is a tall order, I have been meditation on the birth and seeing him and holding him and being so happy, and I have plans to take this birth one contraction at a time, reminding myself that birth is natural and normal and my body was built to do this, but how can a person 100% overcome the fear of the unknown, I have always been the kind of person who just tackles things head on and deals with opposition or problems as they arise, cause how can you ever fully prepare yourself for the unknown. Its my first baby, never been to a labor or delivery, have lots and lots of friends who have had successful positive natural birth experiences, but I have never been through it myself. Ah well!
Come on baby! Your Daddy and me are sure anxious to meet you.

Was chatting with my aunt last night about my lil cousin Satara who was killed this July by  a drunk driver, she was 14 and we have all had a very hard time coming to terms with it, anyhow Wanda was upset and said each night as she tries to sleep all she sees is images of Satara lying dead in her coffin, and that with all the snow lately she is thinking of her frozen in the ground. I reminded her that Satara was not in that coffin, nor was she in the ground, (we have had this discussion before, and she fully agreed with me) but that a shell that contained her soul is, and that Satara’s essence is alive and well just not here with us. Tried to explain the tupperwere concept to her again, that our bodies are just physical containers that hold our souls in each lifetime, and that Satara can still see us and look over us and that I am positive she is at peace and would very much like us to be as well. Wanda, my aunt, just kept saying its so hard, I just wish I could know for sure she is ok, and I said you just have to trust..
Anyways, when I woke up to pee at 2am, I saw something in the hall move out of the corner of my eye, and when I walked into my bathroom my electric toothbrush was turned on, just sitting there, doing what toothbrushes do, well I just knew it was her, thanking me and letting me know she is in fact watching over us. I mean, Dave was asleep and my cat’s aren’t big into the teeth brushing ya know, 🙂
I know she is watching over us, and that she will be there when my son is born helping me along, she was so excited to meet him I know she wont let a pesky thing like death stop her.
Love you sweety and we miss you like crazy. 🙂 Be well.

Later that Day…

Ohhh. there may be hope yet.
Its TMI time folks, Ohhh. there may be hope yet.
Its TMI time folks….unless you like reading about things like mucus plugs..skip this next bit. After a night of cramps and crazy contractions, I just went wee and passed a bloody glob that i can only assume was a bit of mucus plug. I looked like brownish snot so it sounds like what others described it as. Yes I do know lots of people loose their mucus plug long before going into labor but several people I know did go into labor 24hrs or less after loosing their mucus plug so one can hope. That with all the feeling of eminent labor I have been getting at night. Crossing my fingers and toes. I really hope he decides to make an appearance  this weekend. Dude! Christmas is in like 2 weeks. I can’t believe that. It  might be selfish of me, but I really want to feel good for Christmas as its my favorite time of the year to be social and spend lotsa time with my family. We have strong family traditions, every boxing day everyone gathers at my grandama’s for Turkey a la King and leftover Christmas sweets and we play board games. I look forward to bring little Mr. Maynard along to introduce him to his Great Grandma and Grandpa, we will then have 4 generations in one room. How cool! I am the first Grandchild to reproduce.

Later Still

I dont know what has been causing this pain deep in my left hip, if its a pinched nerve or just that my pelvis is outta place, but I am loosing my mind. The less I move, the worse it get’s it seems, I thought maybe I had injured it somehow on Monday but its been a week now and I have barely left the house or moved and its worse. I can’t sleep anymore, cant sleep on side, can’t sleep on my back, sitting on it hurts, hell sitting on the toilette is so painful. My OB and midwife say that aside from seeing an Osteopath, the only solution is babe being born.
Ok babe let’s do it. I don’t have insurance and can’t afford a specialist, plus if it will fix itself when he is born, I don’t want to borrow money for this, I just keep living close by the Tylenol bottle these days, took nothing my entire pregnancy at all now this last week I can’t manage without it, I sit here all day with shooting pain up and down my left side all day and night.

To be honest I worry about having this much pain before labor even begins…Like I need any additional discomfort when I am trying to deliver my child. The fact that I can’t sleep is surely the culprit for the fact that I have had a cold an entire week when usually I can beat them in a couple days with vitamins and rest…

 

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About mommamaynard

“Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance you must keep moving.” — Albert Einstein. When it feels like your world has been shattered, and you have reached rock bottom, you must make a choice: Stay where you are and fade away, or keep moving forward. Thankfully I chose to move forward and was blessed with the two most wonderful children after the death of my first in early labor. Things are looking up.

Posted on December 8, 2008, in Uncategorized and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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