bad luck in my middle name

Dave is doing better still, I am staying optomistic.
I am numb, just sleepy and numb. My body has decided that in order to not collapse from the overwhelming weight on my shoulder,  it’s better to just not deal. So I feel nothing.
I feel sleepy, alot.
Dave is off work with no income at a time when money is tight, second month in our new home. We are hoping he will get workers compensation, who knows how long that will take or how much he will get though. Friday in the hospital, in a moment of shock and panic I broke the antena off Dave’s cell phone, they want $60 to fix it. Then Sunday while backing out of our car port I broke the sideview mirror on our Uplander, cracked the casing. The dealer want’s $250 to fix it.

Sigh! Does it ever end, maybe I should take the money our parents gave us for NY and use it to pay bills. It’s just so important that we get outta town and we have non refundable ballet and brodway tickets.

I am starting to think I will be spending Evan’s angelversary in a corner alone. I won’t let it happen. We are going, we will deal with the debt in the new year. Sigh!

PLEASE 2009 be easier on me, on us, please. Please.

Today I cried when Dave told me that when the Ambulance driver told him at least he was going to live and he answered that he almost wished he wouldn’t. My heart is broken for us.


About mommamaynard

β€œLife is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance you must keep moving.” β€” Albert Einstein. When it feels like your world has been shattered, and you have reached rock bottom, you must make a choice: Stay where you are and fade away, or keep moving forward. Thankfully I chose to move forward and was blessed with the two most wonderful children after the death of my first in early labor. Things are looking up.

Posted on December 15, 2008, in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. 16 Comments.

  1. *huge hugs* i just caught up on your lj… ugh. you need a break SO BAD. i hope that dave heals very quickly, and that you get the break you need for evan’s angelversary. poor dave, poor you.
    i’m living with my parents right now and am about 45 minutes from NYC, if you end up coming….

    • Thanks. Seriously bad, the cracks are starting to show, and soon we will burst wide open.
      We discussed and do still intend to hit up NY, we just need a break and we have non refundable tickets to the ballet. We intend to arrive sometime on the 23rd and then hit the road on the 27th home. If you happen to escape to get into the city then we could for sure meet up for a coffee, drink or what not depending on what time it is :). We are busy the 24th as we are going to the ballet at 2pm and we are seeing a show the night of the 26th but otherwise still open.
      Anyhow, let me know, I will check my email regularly and also will have my cell phone, 1-902-223-5907.
      Ciao, thanks.

  2. (((((((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
    (My two cents: go to NYC. Deal with the debt later.)

  3. I am hopeful that 2009 will be a much better year for you guys. How could it be worse? Man…
    That comment Dave made to the ambulance driver is so very sad. How is he coping about all of this?
    Does he still want to go to NY?

    • Hey Thanks, however, after all we have been through, I make it a point to never say it can’t get worse, cause it always can. I sometimes obsesively think about all the bad stuff that could happen as a result of the anxiety disorder I have developed through all of this. However, I have to be hopefull it can get better.
      Dave is struggling emotionally, he is pretty depressed, his spirit is bruised pretty badly, but he is surviving like me, one day at a time. He now openly says he really needs counselling as he is feeling pretty hopeless.
      He does still want to go NY for Xmas and says he will crawl there if he has to.

  4. Ok, just one more comment and I promise I’ll leave you alone.
    I don’t know if I ever gave you my telephone number, but it’s 845-826-0052. Please don’t hesitate for a nanosecond to call me WHENEVER, ok? Seriously. I’d call you, but I don’t want to intrude, especially with how tired and sad you are.
    Anything at all, please tell me. Anything.

  5. Also I am saving you that diaper you liked. Whether it’s next month or 6 months from now, it’s not going to anyone but you ❀

    • Thanks..I appreciate it. Really, it’s just a symbolic thing to me. The beleif that I will make a baby with a butt to fill it. Plus I love it. Bought Oliver a skulls and cross bones leash at the dollar store the other day πŸ™‚

      • I think you are going to make a really fat, squishy, pink, soft baby butt to wrap in this diaper and lots of milk so he or she makes lots of mustardy, liquidy babypoo to fill it.
        I have something else for you, too, but I’ll wait to hear if you’re coming to NY or not before I send it.

      • I am comming for sure.
        Dave said we are going to NY if he has to crawl there. πŸ™‚ We will get there, no matter what else life throws at us.

  6. Oh God, J, I am just in tears reading this. I wish I could help. I wish I had money to give you or a place to stay while you’re in the city so you don’t have to pay for a hotel. In fact, I’m going to ask my mum when she gets back from Buenos Aires on Saturday – she’s been remodelling the apartment downstairs in her house (that we used to live in) – if she’s done and isn’t having a tenant move in yet, maybe you can stay there. There is a bus a block away that takes you straight to Port Authority for about 10 bucks roundtrip, which would be loads cheaper than a hotel.
    I am so sorry about all of this. I can imagine how helpless, lost, and numb you must feel.
    Please, God, let 2009 redeem this awful year for these two beautiful people ❀

    • Thanks,
      It is sad, and it’s our freaking reality right now and all I can do is hope, otherwise, what is left?
      We are not so very bad off financially, not really, sure times are tight, but so are they for alot of people and I have a good career right now to fall back on so I have to be greatful for that. Now we just hope Dave’s get a payment from Workers Compensation as he was paying into it as a sub contractor in case he got injured on the job. I don’t know how much he will get but anything will help. Certainly we are no worse off then you and your hubby with you in school and pregnant, so please, take care of yourselves πŸ™‚ all I need from you is emotional support and empathy that is worth a million dollars πŸ™‚ Let’s face it, majority of people are not in good financial standing right now.

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