At This Time Last Year….
With all the wonderful good things happening for everyone on here, in the nature of balance there had to be some tragedy. Sadly my story is tragic horrible and unfathomable. I am putting it under a link in case you want to not read it at this time as it really is hard.
I woke up Christmas eve morning in labor, called my midwife and woke up my husband. We were so excited, the look on Dave’s face when I woke him was priceless, the moment we have so been waiting for had finally arrived and Evan was coming. When the midwife arrived she check the fetal heartbeat but could not find one, she tried to keep me calm saying he may just be in a weird position so we all ran to the hospital were they proceeded to do an ultrasound. No one was speaking, then Dave said someone say something, can you his heart? They said yes. Well is it beating? No its not. DEVASTATION They sadly had to confirm that at some point the night before baby had passed away in utero. I had had a perfect pregnancy up until that moment in time and baby had been been healthy and hyper just the day before, so this moment was unforeseen and unimaginable.
Since I was in active labor we proceeded with the birth, Its obviously all kinda a blur to me, but I was given an epidural as I was in dire pain, baby was posterior and I had back labor like you would not believe. They then gave me a pitocin drip to move delivery along as quick as possible and 4 hours later I was fully dilated and pushing baby Evan out. Sadly because of his posterior presentation he was getting trapped in the pelvic bones and no matter how hard I pushed he could not move down passed a certain point, so I was brought into the OR and he was delivered with foreceps assistance 3 contractions later.
There was no apparent trauma or any sign of a struggle at all on him, placenta and cord looked healthy and intact so the reason for his passing was not immediately obvious. They took him away to clean him up and stitch me up, then we got to spend some time with him. He was a perfect little boy, weighed 7lbs 110z and had a head full of black hair, looked so much like his daddy. I looked him over head to toe, he was so perfect, full chubby cheeks and that super soft baby skin, I even sneaked a peak at this genitals, so tiny and perfect as well. He looked so long, at 21" I could not believe he had fit in my belly.
They will perform a full autopsy to see if they can answer any questions for us, but the doctor really seems to think he somehow pinched his own cord and cut off his oxygen, in which case nothing could have been done as its an almost instant death.
We are mourning him very much, every ounce of my being aches to hold and kiss him and I don’t know how I am going to pull though this. I will take it one day at a time and get lots of help cause I am fully aware I am going to need it. Tomorrow and every hour after that looks bleak to me right now but our families are being very supportive and here for us. We need some alone time to heal as a family so that is what we will be doing over the next while. We will be having a tiny family funeral for him in the next bit and I will soon post here what charities we are supporting if anyone wants to make a donation in little Evan Maynards memory.
Evan Clements Maynard, 7lb 11 oz Stillborn at 11pm December 24th, 2007. I love you so much baby my life will just be so empty without you.