Let the Depression Lift..

Dave is so depressed. Like really really depressed, angry, sad, quiet, and just down. I worry about his mental health so much. He feel’s like a failure for putting our family in this situation. I am equally as depressed, because I am…and because he is…and that makes me sad. Also I am mad that so much crap is going on with us when all we wanted was the energy to deal with our child’s death, but situations have made it so that we have so much else going wrong that it’s hard to find the energy to deal with it. I know we are in a bad spot- and people all go through this. That it’s part of life, adulthood, homeownership ect…but I don’t know how we will pull through the next rough months ahead.  I only know that we have to. Dave will not be getting more then $400 a month from workers comp, they confirmed that. If he chooses to work, they clawback cent for cent what he earns, plus he might be lossing the ability to access any Vocational Rehabilitation services he might require. We are torn. $400 a month works out to $2 an hour if you do a 40 hour work week. That is nuts.

Between us our monthly family income will be $2400.00 a month. Which would be fine if I had been living a low budget lifestyle all along, However, I have a $400.00 a month student loan, $600 Mortage Payment, $350.00 Car Payment, $100 a month Oil bill during the winter, (now), the most expensive time of the year for heat, $75.00 month electric bill, Insurance on car, home, life, Phone bill, internet bill, gas for car, food…..you get the picture. I am working on a monthly output spreadsheet and it’s looking like our monthly output will be near $2500.00 a month if we don’t spend one single unexpected cent. Not one luxury. It’s gonna be damn tight, but we just have to do it.

I am considering getting a second job on evenings and weekends. I guess it just means were going to have to put our TTC plans on hold because I can’t image myself in my first trimester, sick and exausted and having to work two jobs. I think it might kill me ..so maybe we should hold off on the baby trying thing for the time being in case we get lucky fast in that department. I don’t know. I wasn’t too worried about the long term cause I am sure in 9 months things will be better in time for baby, but I am now thinking about the first trimester. 

I just wanted better for us and for this next baby. With Evan it was constant stress, we were so poor, we faught about money all the time. We couldn’t afford to buy him anything and that made me feel lousy, Everything we had for Evan was given to us. I cried so much during my pregnancy with him, I wish better for future babes ya know.

I just wish life would let up even just a little for us. I don’t want anything more then basic stability and I just can’t seem to attain that.

About mommamaynard

β€œLife is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance you must keep moving.” β€” Albert Einstein. When it feels like your world has been shattered, and you have reached rock bottom, you must make a choice: Stay where you are and fade away, or keep moving forward. Thankfully I chose to move forward and was blessed with the two most wonderful children after the death of my first in early labor. Things are looking up.

Posted on January 7, 2009, in Uncategorized and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink. 18 Comments.

  1. It’s me!
    Yeah it’s me, (decided after reading so many blogs over the last while…..)
    I do know he works for himself, but can’t help but wonder if there is something else that can be done….as in advice from a lawyer to see if the companies are covering up any funds you are entitled to (exp. workers comp. as I know how sly and cheap they can be) they only prob. with a lawyer is the fee, but I was wondering if some do free consults to review your case and see you if you have anything to fight for?! It just doesn’t seem right that you can cut a piece of yourself off while working and you get nothing for doing it…doesn’t seem fair.

  2. PIL
    What about a free consultation with a personal injury lawyer? they could look over the Workers Comp and make sure they are giving you guys what you are entitled. what about the sub contracting company? he gets nothing for cutting off his fingers while working for them??
    this just sucks.

    • Re: PIL
      He is self employed. He is the owner/operator of the company. It does suck, but I keep saying at least he has his health and his fingers will work again.

    • Re: PIL
      Colleen??? By the profile I think it’s you, plus the Down’s in your name. However the comment threw me for a loop as I though you knew Dave worked soly for himself.

  3. I’m sorry you are so done. I hope things really start going right for you two. I did drool at your 600 mortgage though.

    • Hahah Yes. Real Estate in NYC is not at all comparable. I was adds that were like 1.4 million only for this beautiful 800 square foot downtown condo…..WTF Only?? πŸ™‚

      • Ha! Brooklyn is better and prices are finally catching up (ie going down) to what they should be but a small house is still 500k and that is a good price. Of course banks aren’t handing out loans…

      • Ya Toronto is like Brooklyn then.
        We moved cause we didn’t want to hand over our lifes savings and be forever broke just to have a house.
        Oh wait. We are anyways haha.
        Well not forever I guess, just for now here.

  4. Wow…that student loan amount is pretty crazy. Is there any way you can defer it or lower the payments? That would help a bit anyways…

    • I can, but everytime I apply for a 6 months break, like I did while I was on Maternity leave, then the amount goes up once the defferal period is up to make up the differance. So, like before Mat leave I was paying $350 a month, now $400, so if I deffered again for another 4 or 5 months then I would have to pay $450 for the following year, and so forth, so it sucks.

  5. Sorry, one last thing — talk to your mortgage people? They might be able to cut you a break on the mortgage because of Dave’s injury?
    I’d just talk to everyone, give them the horrible, sad sob story – you’d be surprised the kindnesses you can come across in the corporate world when you least expect it.

    • Yes. Talk to everyone. I think loan people are just glad for the people out there who are at least trying to make their payments. They may very well give you a better deal on them for a bit while Dave recovers…worth a shot.

      • Done and done.
        1) they lowered our mortage by 100$/m but only by removing our land taxes from the mortage amount, which simply means that come year end, we have to pay that amount directly to the city as opposed to the bank doing it for us. They are just assuming that by that period we will have the money we don’t have now.
        2) Dave contacted TD to ask he could do interest only on his line of credit while he is out of work. They told him he would have to apply for a new type of loan for that. So he did. They called yesterday to say the bank won’t approve him because he is out of work currently. Catch 22. Dave said, listen, either you take my interest only payments or I go into default, it’s pretty simple. This is after providing them, in person, his workers compensation papers to prove he was injured.
        Some people are cold. The bank is going to see what they can do now.

  6. Oh, also you might want to talk to your loan company – they might be able to give you a break on the payments, either lowering them or letting you get one month without payments, something like that.
    Also things you might want to look up are ways to conserve electricity. We cut our bill from $50 to $25 by being even more frugal/anal about leaving lights and computers/tvs on for any longer than necessary. Just some thoughts… ❀

    • Also done πŸ™‚ I sent Dave today to the local water office to get a shower head that uses less water, and stuff for the toilet. I have been limiting showers to 5 minutes, only flushing when we “need” to, and not letting water run when we brush our teeth. We also have replaced all our light’s with energy efficent bulbs and all our applicances are Enerstar approved, so ya, I all aboard the energy saving bandwagon. In summer we won’t use much hydro at all.

  7. Oh, hun. I could have written this myself. John and I have been sustaining blow after blow the last few weeks and I have no idea how we are going to make it, financially. He already works as much as he can, and I bring in what little I can with my education stipend, but it is so so scary. I wish now that I could go to work, but even if someone did hire me at 32 weeks pregnant, there is so littel I can actually do because of my back/hip/sciatic pain.
    So I am praying for all of us, and thinking of you and Dave and sending you positive vibes/thoughts daily. I know we’ll all make it out of this difficult time, just… when. Heh.
    ❀ All my love to you, babe.

    • Right back atcha babe!
      This is it, I so know were not alone, and it could be worse, but that dosen’t lift the stress does it?
      Damn life!!!!
      I just keep saying at least were not in the middle east like so many others afraid for their very lives.
      At least were living in a stable enough environment.

  8. i know that being really tight on money blows ass, but please try to remember that it could be worse and that you CAN make this work. I have been living off of about $750 a month (sometimes $500 a month, sometimes $1,000 a month) with Lily for a year now. I know what you mean by stress lol. Every time I get down about being BELOW the poverty line, I remember that some people are worse. I have a car that I’m paying for and a roof over my head, even if it isn’t the greatest living situation in the world. Lily is healthy, I am healthy. I have a job, even if it doesn’t pay all the bills. Some people have no job. Anyway… hang in there πŸ™‚

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