Blah and Brrr.

The foul mood of last week does not seem to be lifiting, Maybe it’s winter depression SAD or maybe it’s hormones as my period should be due this weekend, but I don’t typically get 2 full weeks of PMS so I will lean toward the weather. I just feel off.
Dave and I had a big fight yesterday-triggered over something retarded, where a shelf should be hung in our spare room. I wanted to take a couple of minutes to think about things, to make sure it’s the perfect spot so that shortly down the road we don’t hate it and want to move it a third time. Each time we move a shelf we have to fill the holes and then paint, it’s annoying, so I wanted to think things through. Dave flipped, why do I take so long to do everything, he spends his life waiting on me. Then I retaliated with why are you such a dick that you assume everyone should do everything just like you. You have no patience and your anger management counselling can’t start soon enough. This blew out into a couple hour fight with lot’s of fighting. We ended on this note-We love each other but get annoyed at traits that are part of our natures and hard to change. Mine being that I am planner, I like lists, I like to think things through and take my time and make sure everything is in order, and Dave is annoyed that he is forevered waiting on me in all situations. I admit I can overdo it and that I am often 10 minutes late because I was grabbing something else I might need as I was runing out the door. He on the other hand-is highly impatient and judgemental. He passes judgement at the speed of light and has an issue with anger. What can you do when these things are so ingrained they are like your auto-pilot. I promised I would try and be more aware of my use of time. He is already registered to begin Anger Management. It’s hard.

Take when we went to Peru-I planned a year ahead, I saved and paid for the trip before we went, I researched Peru, the history, the culture, the locations and planned an itinerary for us. I even brushed up on my Spanish. Dave on the hand is probably still paying Peru for all I know, I mean our debt load sure dosen’t seem to be moving down. He also would have shown up on Peru’s doorstep with a smile and a backpack and just winged it. That is his right, but it’s my right also to be a planner. I don’t think I am perfect in this, I think we just have to try and be more self aware and realize how we are impacting each other.

I think we both have cabin fever as well, we are very active people who have become sedentary couch potatoes, both us us have rounded at the waist and feel crappy all around. We are broke and it’s really really cold out, thus cheap/free outdoor activites we love have become difficult if not impossible. For instance today-with the wind chill, it’s -27c, ouch!

Sure can’t wait for the melt. In the interim, I am gonna look into a local support group for couples who lost a child. The counsellor from the Stillbirth support group told me about it. I think it might help, and we would meet other people at the same time.

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About mommamaynard

“Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance you must keep moving.” — Albert Einstein. When it feels like your world has been shattered, and you have reached rock bottom, you must make a choice: Stay where you are and fade away, or keep moving forward. Thankfully I chose to move forward and was blessed with the two most wonderful children after the death of my first in early labor. Things are looking up.

Posted on January 26, 2009, in Uncategorized and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink. 3 Comments.

  1. I love a good fight. I think its good to clear the tension. It doesn’t matter what the fight is about, it’s about the release. Don’t be too hard on yourself or him. I know hurtful things are said, but arguments can be very healthy and helpful. As long as there is the underlying agreement during the disagreement, that it’s the heat of the moment talking, it’s not about the words (words loose their understanding when high emotions are involved). my man and I can be volatile with each other, but we always try to remember that couples fight, and we’re normal!

  2. Oh boy, can I relate to those arguments! Seems like the biggest marital blowouts start over the most trivial shit and then end up being long, drawn-out arguments about Who We Are(tm) and all the resentment over the months/years over stuff that is mostly at the core of us that’s not as easy to change as the location of a shelf in the bedroom :/
    (I will say this, though – when the arguing stopped between John and I, that’s when I knew we were in trouble. Fortunately, we came out of it quickly and stronger for it. Now, though I love that we argue less and discuss calmly aand with forethought more – I do appreciate the occasional bickering because I know it means the passion and care is there)

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