Thanks et. Al.

Thanks so much alexisyael Oliver’s booties came in the mail yesterday. They are cute, somehow I expected like homemade, knitted grandma style booties, these are better then I expected, and how cut that the are called Muttlucks πŸ™‚ now just to figure out how to actually get them on Oliver’s feet without his eating them while I try and get his foot in. Last nights’ first attempt was unsucessful. πŸ™‚


 
Now for the stillbirth stuff….

The old super of which I had spoken previously, who was due to have a baby had a baby girl. (Huge sigh of relief here..phew girl)…..
Dave has seen the baby, I have not. We are going to make them dinner Friday night and watch a movie, I am quite anxious at the idea to be honest. I asked Dave how it felt to be around a newborn. He said when he went over she was sleeping, thus not moving, and he had a flashback to Evan lying newborn and still, (cause Evan was still normal coulour when he was born). He said he felt panick and thought, is that baby alive? Then realized, of course it is.

He said he misses his innocence. That the dad called to say they were headed to the hospital, and said to Dave, "2 of us are going in, 3 of us are coming out." Dave thought to himself, well that is supposed to be the way isn’t it, but don’t count your chicken’s until they have hatched". People, for their own comfort and security NEED to believe that after a perfect pregnancy with 0 complications. That after normal medical care and uneventful ultrasounds, that babies won’t just die at T minus hour. I understand. I despretly want to believe that myself. Thankfully in most cases that hold’s true, however…(Insert depressing stillbirth story here).  

People need to dig, to find something we overlooked, something we missed, something that distinguishes us from the non loss population. Anything to make them immune. This couple was no exception. I think I blogged about that before. I think it is worth mentioning here that the Mother in question has a Phd. in Biology. Thus being educated in these factoids does not change the It can’t happen to me" complex. The dad had told his pregnant wife that I was a ‘High Risk Pregnancy’, had been closely watched and that there were complications leading to this. I was flabbergasted, however, quickly regained my composure, corrected the details, and left it at that in the the understanding that he needed to say that, to reassure his pregnant wife she and the baby would be perfectly fine, and they were.

Oh to be back on the other side of the fence.

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About mommamaynard

β€œLife is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance you must keep moving.” β€” Albert Einstein. When it feels like your world has been shattered, and you have reached rock bottom, you must make a choice: Stay where you are and fade away, or keep moving forward. Thankfully I chose to move forward and was blessed with the two most wonderful children after the death of my first in early labor. Things are looking up.

Posted on January 27, 2009, in Uncategorized and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink. 4 Comments.

  1. I don’t think I’d be able to go over there myself, even being pregnant. I wish you lots of peace and strength ❀
    I realize why he made that comment about yours being a “high risk pregnancy” but I just don’t like it. Why did he have to protect her – and from what, really? Babies live and babies die – why live in ignorance at others’ expense? Who is protecting you from having to see their baby, or know that she was born alive and healthy, or from hearing her cry and coo when you go over there.
    It’s just not fair. It’s still unbelievable to me that while we have suffered so much, we are still the ones bearing the burden and making the sacrifices for those “innocents” who haven’t known the pain or reality of life and death in pregnancy and infancy. You know what – it’s bullshit. The only innocents are the babies – the ones that die or are ill or in pain.
    Sorry to go off like that, it just makes me sad because you are such a kind, generous, and understanding soul. I just want to wrap you up and protect you from the hurt and take you back to the other side ❀

    • Thank you Maria.
      We are the mother’s scarred, we can never go back to the other side, but we can hope to survive and get what we dream of on the other end, but we can never go back.
      My entire life I have put other’s comfort and need’s ahead of my own, so hey, I suppose I am the perfect candidate for stillbirth then, cause the world seems to expect that of us dosen’t it. No one want’s to talk or think about the dead babies.
      I am scared of the visit too. Mostly just cause it will take everything in my power not to beg her to hold her brand new baby the whole night, and I know that would be weird, just holding it and trying to choke back the tears, and pretend for a moment that I am holding Evan again, only this time alive. We are not nearly close enough for me to ask her for that, and I know I don’t feel comfortable enough to really let myself go were I so badly need to go to fill the void in my arms. When Evan first died I hugged and slept with his baby size teddy bear all the time cause it at least filled that void in my arms.

      • I know that feeling. I dressed a doll my mum made me when I was a little girl in a wool sleep sack my grandmother knitted for Julia and cradled and rocked that doll and cried tears into her cottony head for days. My arms felt leaden and empty, too 😦
        I would and will do anything in my power to see you after this baby is born safely, so you can hold her and cry your tears for Evan onto her soft head, because I know that is precisely what I will be doing for Julia the first moment I hold her myself.
        This hurt is just too much to bear sometimes, yet the kicker is that we have to do it and we don’t have the choice to turn away from it. I completely relate to your lifetime of putting others’ needs and comfort before your own. That’s been my life, too, and it does feel like we are candidates for stillbirth because of that, in a fate-y cosmic way, you know?

    • I realize why he made that comment about yours being a “high risk pregnancy” but I just don’t like it. Why did he have to protect her – and from what, really? Babies live and babies die – why live in ignorance at others’ expense? Who is protecting you from having to see their baby, or know that she was born alive and healthy, or from hearing her cry and coo when you go over there.
      EXACTLY!!!!!!!!!!
      People are shitheads.
      I love you both.

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