Another snow storm brewing here right now, I hope work will close early as a result.
I am sitting here having coffee and thinking random thoughts:
I need to go to my baby’s grave and visit, it’s been since November as I was out of town over Christmas and New Years. It’s also hard to get to in the deep snow. I hate that I don’t go there as often as I thought I would. I am torn what to do with the whole grave thing, when we burried Evan we bought the plot next to it, to ensure our whole family could be burried together. Now I feel like all of that is tying us down. I fantasize about running away, selling the house and moving somewhere else, like back to Toronto, or this morning to the French Riviera, but then I think I have to stay here, my baby is burried here. Someday’s I wish I had just kept his urn so we could carry it with us if we move, but then I like that he has a permanant plot with his name and information. I like to garden there and leave him flowers. I like that people will walk by, see it and say, oh that is so sad, there is a baby burried here. I want everyone to know about him.
I know I have to tough out the Nova Scotia thing, I love it here when it’s not winter, I just need my friends. I wish all my Toronto friends would move here, but that is unfair since all their families are there. I miss my best friend Sarah more then words, I used to spend so much time at her house.
I wish I had the money to do my master’s degree.
I wish we had money to get a flat pannel TV and to get Dave a laptop, once he get’s back to work I may finance these things through Dell for a couple of years.
This winter has been especially brutal on my mood, I need to find the sun and regain some hope.
I wish I still had it in me to believe that life will be ok for us.
I want to get pregnant with quints please 🙂
I need to loose 50lbs to feel better. 30 to feel healthy.
Whenever I feel sad I watch the Buffy musical, Once More with Feeling and it makes me feel happy for a while.
We are currently on season 2 of 30 Rock and it is a good show, thanks guys.
Yesterday Oliver shredded an entire box of kleenex all over the livingroom, then chewed my glasses. He is lucky I have benefits to get new glasses, jerk pup! I love him anyways, he felt really bad. I think he lacks impulse control.
I want 2 more tattoo’s, 1 for our trip to Peru, picked out for years I have just been broke, and 1 for Evan. I think for Evan I want his feet and his name on my back , but I am still undecided. I might get one over my heart for him.
I love fleece sheets-they make my bed feel like a giant teddy bear.
I could go on forever, so I suppose I will stop here.