Puppy Love

Last night on Dead Like Me, their dog JD died after being hit by a car. I lost it, I am still lossing it typing this.

All I kept saying over and over was hasn’t Reggie been through enough, her sister died and her parent’s split up. He was her world and he died..WHY can the universe be so damn mean..and cause some people so much pain over and over. My heart broke into a million pieces for her and she’s an actress on a TV show. I don’t know what I would do without Oliver, he has healed our hearts in oh so many ways, that dog means the world to me and beyond. Which is why I wonder why we adopted his at all. Sometimes being so attached to another living creature is terrifying. I said that outloud when Satara was hit and killed…I was 6 months pregnant, and I saw my aunt in shambles and I said, sometimes I think it would be easier to be lonely then to love someone so fiercely that their death ripes you into two. 3 months later when Evan died I realized how true that is. I think that is the moment of my death anxiety onset. For months after that I cried everytime Dave left the house.

How brave we are to be risking life and limb for love. Are we suckers for punishment or just incapable of turning off that love button?

About mommamaynard

“Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance you must keep moving.” — Albert Einstein. When it feels like your world has been shattered, and you have reached rock bottom, you must make a choice: Stay where you are and fade away, or keep moving forward. Thankfully I chose to move forward and was blessed with the two most wonderful children after the death of my first in early labor. Things are looking up.

Posted on March 2, 2009, in Uncategorized and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink. 2 Comments.

  1. Loving is risky. Something that makes our lives so full and complete but can tear us apart when it goes wrong.
    A long time ago I overheard my aunt say “There are fates worse than death.” She was having a hypothetical conversation about the horror of losing her children, her husband, anyone.
    Those words have rung so true all year.

  2. We need love. And we will find it, one way or another. And we will lose it. And find it again.
    Life is scary and hard and sucks, but having someone* to love makes it worthwhile. And when you lose them (or they lose you) you find a way to carry on and then you find love again.
    (My best friend died when I was 8. My dad’s first wife died when he was 20. Both those events shaped me, shaped my life and my view on life. Not being able to keep my first child was probably what cemented it, tho.)
    * Eventually, I think you will find that having one specific someone to love is actually a placeholder for loving everyone. Like Rumi’s “beloved” who is actually both G-d and a lover. The one we love is everyone.

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