Mind body connection
Last night Dave and I met with a credit counsellor to see what his options are, now that he is back to work, despite making half his old salary now that the Carpentry is on hold, at least he’s working and that is 3x as much as workers compensation was paying. Anyhow, it’s looking more and more like he’s going to have to go the route of bankrupcy, he is so behind on his bills, and just living in the red. He can’t even affort to go into credit counselling, the consilidated payment would be more then he can afford on this new salary.
I support his 100% because I know he has been trying so hard, this is debt he had comming into our relationship that he had managed to keep on top of..just..until he was off work injured for 4 months. Now he is so far behind and just dosen’t know how we can catch which is why he sought out the help. He has at least 1-2 more surgeries before him so he will not be back to making his old salary level for 1 year or so.
Luckily this doesn’t effect me, our debts are seperate and mine are well under control, I have good credit so he can alway count on me if need’s be, the mortage is in my name ect..I just want the stress to be gone for him, so what if his credit is ruined for 5 years, big deal, we have our house, we have our car, we are ok for now, and like I said, I have credit.
I cried during the meeting and he laughed cause it’s not my debt, but it’s my stress. We are married. I love him and want him to be blissfully happy. I want that for him more then anything else ever, he is my favorite person on this planet.
Anyhow, after that we went to the local Wellness place for a workshop on Stress Identification and Management with a Neurologist/Psychiatrist/Yoga Teacher..Love it, therapist that treats stress and depression with exercise and meditation. I learned alot actually and I have years of experience working in Mental Health and a Psych Degree. I learned that when we are chronically stressed, cells in our hippocampus actually die off, which they now beleive causes depression. Two things seem to replenish these cells, Anti-Depressants and Exercise. Which so explaines why I get such a rush of good feeling when I work out.
We both also got a free Yoga class coupon out of the deal so no complants here. I SERIOUSLY have got to take more time to meditate and quiet my mind. I feel like it’s cluttered with crap right now, just on overdrive all the time.
Someday’s (like today for instance) I feel like I should still be on antidepressants. When there is no trigger, but I am just sad sad sad all day. I just feel so damn depressed to my core somedays. I think this is were I need more meditation, down time from my own brain. My inner voice is so mean to me, filled with horrible accusations about how unworthy, unfit, unattractive, ect…then topped off with random anxieties. Well not random. For instance, I need a Pap, it’s been one year end of February, I am supposed to keep on top of them cause I had abnormal cell’s once 3 years ago, my doctors office is 4 door’s down from my work..But I avoid and avoid and avoid. Why? Because each time I go to her office I have a pannic attack, cause I became her patient for prenantal care. I love this doctor, she is incredible and amazing and I do not want to loose her for the world, but I can’t my ass to walk into that clinic without full on panic and nausea. So I avoid. Avoidance is something I am an expert at.
Anyhow, I need to meditate more so I can once again become more mindful of my own body and mind connection, so I can notice patterns in my triggers, be it diet, environment, weather, ect..Cause right now it’s like Russian Roulette, I just wake up and the day goes down hill for no reason. I had a perfectly pleasant day today but I am so damn depressed I feel like a walking moper. My back is also killing me.
Hmm maybe it’s my period, if FF was right the first time then I am 9day po, so period would be due tommorow or Friday. If I am 7dpo then I have 3-4 more days. Who knows. It’s just been one of those weeks. Yup, wait I am noticing some weird electric like cramps in my uterus. Ya the more I stop and listen the more I realize I have uterus cramps, bloating, back pain, and just overall unwell feeling that is often associated with PM so perhaps it is in fact menstruation and I will be having another 28 day cycle.
I am supposed to go to the gym tonight and work away at my 5k running, I want to go, I will do my best to go, I am just slightly concerned about the horrible cramp I had had in my leg all day and how running will affect it. If it’s to bad I will just do the elliptical were there is less impact on my joints and such. Hoping to run my first 5k end of May, so I have got to stay on top of that,