Instincts

My intincts tell me that my period is nigh.
I don’t want to be a party pooper, and even I try and try to convince myself that I might be pregnant right down to the last second, but
my instincts tell me this bithchyness, nausea and crampy bloating is all PMS and that tommorow or the next day Aunt Flo will be here and I will cry again, b/c even though I pretend I don’t care. I have been waiting 2 years for a baby. I will suck it up as I always do and try again next month, but it’s getting really tiering really fast to be all enthusiastiac right up until spotting and then be like, oh wait maybe it’s implantation bleeding…it’s always my period.

Man I am soo hard on myself, I mean in reality it only been 4 months, well 5 now, but I just feel like it’s sooo much longer b/c in my world it’s been 2 years. I just don’t understand why if you are having sex all the time, and clearly ovulating, and clearly catching the ovulation with temp, cm and opk, why do the sperm and egg just not get on the ball…

There is no guarantee I am not pregnant now, but let’s just say I feel pre-menstral and I had pale pink streaks in my cf this morning.

Oh well ces la vie. I am trying hard to remember all that I am greatful for and not be emo kid.
I have alot going for me. I have a job, a house, a great husband and loving pets.
I have a car, a yard, my own in home washer, dryer and dishwasher.
I have lots of family and friends that love me dearly.
For this I am greatful.

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About mommamaynard

“Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance you must keep moving.” — Albert Einstein. When it feels like your world has been shattered, and you have reached rock bottom, you must make a choice: Stay where you are and fade away, or keep moving forward. Thankfully I chose to move forward and was blessed with the two most wonderful children after the death of my first in early labor. Things are looking up.

Posted on March 26, 2009, in Uncategorized and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 9 Comments.

  1. I’m still gonna hold out hope for you until you tell us otherwise.

    • Thank you, I appreciate the possitive support.
      I think it’s easier for me to throw in the towel early rather then hold my breath til the very last second. You know jump ship before you get forced to walk the plank. haha.

  2. ((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))
    :fingerscrossed
    (Have you read the section in TCoYF about lengthening your leuteal phase? If you don’t have it, I can type you up excerpts. When my LP was 11-12 days, I wasn’t getting pregnant, either… but when it lengthened to 13 consistantly, I did. I can’t figure out why only my last 2 cycles are displayed on FF now… but I just looked at all of them: http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/3b830)

    • Aside from Vitex and Vitamin B complex I don’t know how to lengthen the LP. I was trying not to tinker as I got pregnant so so easily with Evan and I had a short LP then as well. However, I have no problems attempting to lenghten it if need’s be. I was debating getting some Vitex or progesterone cream, just nervous about tinkering with my hormones in case I am wrong and like have to much progesterone or whatever.
      Sure I am always open to info. Good to know if nothing else. Informed decisions are totally my bad baby!

      • Vitex did not work for me. Vit B complex is good (I was taking that) and I tried so many freaking things it would make your HEAD SPIN (seriously. Wheat grass, not eating dairy, not eating or eating other things…) I think what helped me the most was acupuncture and Osteopathic/ shiatsu massage. Oh, and we did switch to using pre-seed lube…

  3. *hug*
    have you tried HS (haha) every other day? or using pre-seed lube instead of other lubes or saliva? just a couple ideas… may not be useful but thought i’d throw them out there anyway.
    it will happen!

    • Hey, This month we did do every other day right until I got a opk possitive, or at least for the majority of the month we did that, we may have missed one day in there. The problem was around ovulation timming, I stopped b/c I thought it was clear I have O’d but the FF changed it on me.
      We don’t use any ol lube at all, none, just me, never needed it, I have always made lots.
      Oh I know it will happen, I am just impatient is all, I know I am way hard on myself beleive me.
      The rational mind and emotional mind don’t always agree.

      • lucky…. we cannot do it without lube. i am as dry as the sahara. even good old saliva doesn’t do the trick for us. i just do not make a lot of juice down there. ;o)
        anyway hugs to you.

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