Blarg.

10dpo, temperature this morning dropped again, right to the coverline, I am crampy as all hell and I will start bleeding anytime now just like every month before it.
5 months down, give or take. I think it was November 10th when I decided to hell with this waiting business I want a baby. I was worried it would happen too fast since I just started a new job in September. Guess I didn’t think it would take this long being that I had been on the pill for 8 years when we conceived on month 3 of trying. I guess it’s just not in the cards for me to have everything handed to me so easily. I have to work extra hard for every single thing in this life, and try to be ok with that. Try to find it in myself to just say, ok, if this is how it’s supposed to be then I can accept that. 

What I really want to is throw sharp objects at whatever special force is directiing my path and say "Enough, fuck, can I just have this one thing without a desperet struggle. Haven’t I earned even that?"

Back to the drawing board I guess. I have one more month of OPK and 2 more months of FF VIP left. After that runs out I won’t renew it, and I don’t know if I will keep charting or now, now that I more or less know my cycles I don’t need to take my temp every single day, it’s annoying me. I know it’s not that long in reality to be trying, 5 months, but whatever, it still annoys me.  

I guess I should take steps now toward lenghtening my consistantly 10 day luteal phase, I really didn’t want to as Evan stuck with a 10 day luteal and it’s at the bottom end of normal. however, I guess it can’t hurt to try and get it to 12-13 days.

I shoulda had my kids when I was 20 and hyperfertile, I mean I am only 32 but still.
Ok back to bed to feel sorry for myself and cuddle with my warm husband whom I love so very much.

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About mommamaynard

“Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance you must keep moving.” — Albert Einstein. When it feels like your world has been shattered, and you have reached rock bottom, you must make a choice: Stay where you are and fade away, or keep moving forward. Thankfully I chose to move forward and was blessed with the two most wonderful children after the death of my first in early labor. Things are looking up.

Posted on March 28, 2009, in Uncategorized and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink. 6 Comments.

  1. HUGS to you!! I KNOW how hard it is to WAIT…waiting sucks!! It took us almost 5 years after our stillbirth to have Hopey….sigh….it sucked. was hard. made me question everything I’d ever known/believed in, and then find myself….and while I do not wish that on anyone, it has helped me to be more compassionate towards others dealing with secondary infertility issues…so, all that to say–my heart to yours…HUGS!! Be easy on yourself, and be gentle with your heart!!!

  2. *hugs*
    did you go off BCP right before you conceived last time? that makes it easier for some women to conceive… anyway big hugs to you, hope you enjoy your cuddles.

  3. (((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))))))))))))

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