Alone at sea, floating in sad.

People like this…

                                                         …make me wish they could walk one week in my shoes…..
                                                                               …then me what it means to be crazy!

Also..

To Mom on mothers day! 

        When you say things like "please don’t talk like that, it hurts me to very much" it makes me angry, because God forbid I hurt you with how I feel, let me tell you, it’s 100000 worse to feel what I feel on mothers day. Then I forgive you because you follow it up with " i know you are in pain, i find it very hard to find words to say to you that won’t upset you" and " you deserve to be honored on mothers day as much as the rest of us, hopefully next year you will have a baby". BUT could you please leave it there, and not follow it up with an email taking the conversation back to you with requests like "will do me a cover letter and apply for the job for me"……

It annoys me sooo much that for 32 years of my life, I have spent it comforting you and taking care of you. I told you this when I was in recovery from Anorexia, I told you this again after Evan died and I am saying it again. I am the kid, you are the parent…not the other way around. Parents are supposed to take care of their kids, then later in life, kids can take care of their parents in return. Can I have just one day to be me without having to take care of you or worry about you. Please! Man oh man. I get so mad, but you don’t even know your doing it…so how can you ever change?

I guess I just have to learn to live with you the way you are.

Love Your daughter.

Advertisements

About mommamaynard

“Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance you must keep moving.” — Albert Einstein. When it feels like your world has been shattered, and you have reached rock bottom, you must make a choice: Stay where you are and fade away, or keep moving forward. Thankfully I chose to move forward and was blessed with the two most wonderful children after the death of my first in early labor. Things are looking up.

Posted on May 10, 2009, in Uncategorized and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink. 6 Comments.

  1. melissa said all i wanted to say ((((((((Hugs))))))))

  2. *hugs*
    I’m sorry that you have to be going through this. You are still Evan’s mother. You carried him in your belly for nine months. You did everything you could possibly do to take care of him. You sheltered him, fed him good food, talked to him, sang to him, and most of all, LOVED HIM. You are still a mother, by all means.
    In regards to your last post, you do not fail at motherhood. For some reason, shit got fucked up and the worst thing in the world happened to you, Dave, and your baby. That doesn’t mean you failed. At all. I wish there was something I could say that would make you believe that.

  3. I thought of you today, I am sure this day must be very hard for you. I am sending good thoughts your way.

  4. I saw that up on postsecret today too…I think that person really doesn’t understand what it would be like. I thought it was a pretty naive and insensitive way to look at things.
    I’m sorry today was so rough for you. ((hugs))

  5. WTH is that!? A magnet or a card or something? Sick. *I* took pictures at my daughter’s funeral, I had my baby at home with me for two days before her funeral – these are horrible, creepy things to people who have never experienced it. Before my daughter died, I could never have imagined holding a dead baby, but now, unfortunately I know all too well what it’s like.
    I’m so, so sorry that you are feeling so alone this Mother’s Day. Treat yourself today, because you *are* a mother and you deserve to be celebrated. {{{hugs}}}

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Gluten Free Girl

Food-Stories-Recipes-Love

%d bloggers like this: