Parting the clouds and moving forward…

Today was our meeting with the pathologist, perinatal specialist, family doctor and midwife to go over Evan’s final autopsy results. I feel very good about it and still a little shocked.

We had been led to believe all along that Evan likely died from a placenta issue in terms of blood supply related to my testing possitive for the lupus anticoagulant OR due to lack of placental function because of post dates. The pathologist today said there was absolutely nothing wrong with my placenta, or Evan, all was perfect, no blood clots and no reason to believe he starved or this was a slow blood supply issue. IN FACT his cause of death is now deemed a cord accident and there was exact scientific evidence to support that  Evan died fast, less then 5 minutes, and that my placenta was not the problem at all.

He found the structure of Evan’s brain and nervous system as a whole demonstrated fast death related to asphyxia. He went through the entire report with us and showed us how he came to that conclusion. He thinks because Evan was large, at 21 inches long he was as tall or taller then a typical 43 weeks gestation baby, and that I am so short, 5’2, that Evan had litterally had run out of space to move and because of this leaned up against the cord cutting off his own oxygen supply. He also mentioned the possibility of me having low fluids which could have gone missed due to not having had any ultrasounds since 30 weeks or so. I have all this in medical jargo so I am just doing a laymen’s terms summary here.

The good news is that everyone at the table agreed that the chance of this re-occuring is very, very slim. Like lightening hitting the same place twice. So this pregnancy is very, very likely to be perfectly fine.

The bad news is that all the bio-physical profiles in the world could not have prevented Evan’s death, as it was instantaneous and unforseable, so all the super close attention I will get with this pregnancy won’t make a lick a differance in terms of preventing another cord accident.

I do feel hopeful though in the reassurance I got from the team today that this baby’s chances are just as good as any other baby. In fact they compared Evan’s death to the probability of getting hit by a car, or killed in a plane crash. My midwife and family doctor who delivered Evan are over the moon at the news of my new pregnancy and want to be part of the process. The midwife will be involved as more of a friend and aquaintance, the family doctor will be responsible for 50% of my prenatal care and the specialist for the other 50% in terms of very specialized testing and observation like my weekly biophysical’s in the last timester. The specialist will also do a dating ultrasound around week 10-11, I am in week 5 now according to LMP.  I don’t know what any of this means in terms of the Heparin..I think she said she would do a follow up test and we can discuss from there, but the Lupus Anticoagulant test has been ruled out as a cause of death, as I have been saying ALL ALONG, the placenta was perfectly normal and fine and so was Evan, this was not a blood clot issue.

We both somehow feel a massive weight off our shoulders anyways, at least we know now. It can’t bring Evan back no matter what, but I am so happy to leave all the questions behind me.

After the meeting my doctor and midwife took Dave and I out to a local cafe for yummy fresh squeezed juice and cheers all around for getting that off the table for all of us.

About mommamaynard

β€œLife is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance you must keep moving.” β€” Albert Einstein. When it feels like your world has been shattered, and you have reached rock bottom, you must make a choice: Stay where you are and fade away, or keep moving forward. Thankfully I chose to move forward and was blessed with the two most wonderful children after the death of my first in early labor. Things are looking up.

Posted on June 3, 2009, in Uncategorized and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink. 19 Comments.

  1. YOU’RE PREGNANT?!?!??! OMG SO EXCITED!! CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!!!!!!! I am SUPER looking forward to reading your blogs about it!!

    • I am indeed. I didn’t mean to make it public haha, so I made a filtered friends list and put you in it, and then changed the post haha. I am not going to make it public until I am in the clear for a miscarriage.
      The getting pregnant part was easy and enjoyable now comes the hard part, not dying of stress and worry. It’s already started.

  2. Ah, love. ((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))))))))

  3. I hope you find peace in this closure. What a long, long road. I know it is not over, but here is to a wonderful new beginning and plenty of healthy distraction.

  4. You’ve had to deal with so much that would have me bawling nonstop. I really admire your strength.
    This is good news, in a strange way. Getting through this pregnancy without so many worries is just what you guys need. I hope you can have time to stop worrying as much and just enjoy it. You guys deserve a happy time!

    • I really hope I do managed to stop worrying and just enjoy it, I am going to do alot of meditation, that always helps me. I don’t consider myself strong or brave, I think I have been a tough life for the first 30 years and am just hopeful that eventually it will get better, so I keep waiting for that time when I will be ok and happy. When you have no choice, you do what you can.

  5. I’m so glad you finally have some answers. I hope they have brought you some sort of sense of closure, if anything.
    Also, congratulations on your pregnancy! What wonderful news. *hugs*

  6. wow.
    a load off, knowing….yet, it’s a small comfort because nothing can bring him back to you….I’m glad you have that closure to KNOW what happened….HUGS!!

  7. I’m so glad that you finally found out, and I’m glad that you no longer have to think that it was anything you did wrong or anything of the sort.

  8. *huge hugs*
    i am so glad you got answers, and i am so glad you feel like some weight has been lifted. and i am also glad that you have such a nice team who will be caring for you this time around. *more hugs*

  9. I don’t know if this is the right place for this, but it’s where I first heard the news…
    You’re pregnant?? Congratulations!!!

  10. wow…thats a lot of information. I am relieved FOR you that you have some pretty definite answers now though. It sucks either way but it must feel a little better KNOWING. I hope I can get some answers from abbys full autopsy report…I doubt it will happen though..
    And this pregnancy, I have to just keep reminding myself that last time was a freak accident and this is a totally different time and different baby.
    I’m really glad you got some answers.

  11. it seems like such perfect timing. a way to have closure with that pregnancy and begin this one anew. *hugs*

  12. I wanted to cry knowing nothing could have stopped that. 5 minutes is fast, i guess 😦
    I’m so paranoid my question would have been what’s the probability of being hit by a car or a plane crash in numbers?!
    I guess it’s kind of like I’ve known, it’s really all out of our control and I don’t like that!
    I’m just gona continue to pray.

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