Today, my pants don’t fit, I had to do them up with an elastic band adding an extra 1.5 inches to the waist. Also I almost puked in front of my boss. We were chatting, I had a nausea wave come over me and I had to turn away and try hard not to gag. So I decided the time has come to tell her, so I did 🙂 She is so very happy for me, she knows all we have been through and like everyone else she said, "Oh Jaime this time will be differant, this new baby will be fine and you will be the mom you were born to be."
I hope and pray so deeply and thoroughly that everyone’s optimism is right. I need this baby to make it so badly. My arms are aching to hold a child. I am 32 years old and I thought waiting until I was happy and stable was the best thing to do, now at 32 I think, I have 3 years left to make baby’s ( I would like to be done by 35) I never thought it would be this hard. I have always known I was meant to be a mom, and now I know more then ever that without a child, I will never be complete. I will never feel fullfilled. I need a child to love and rear and adore and dote on and raise. Dave and I are the most natural parent’s I know, both of us despret to have little ones running around.
Please God, God’s, Budha, whatever or whoever you might beleive in, or I might, please help me through the next 7 months and help me to get this child into my arms alive and breathing, I will never take another thing for granted ever again. I will be the most greatful mother of any mother who ever was a mother. (ok maybe only as much as anyone else who has lost a child and knows how precious the gift of a rainbow baby is),