10 weeks

Today, my pants don’t fit, I had to do them up with an elastic band adding an extra 1.5 inches to the waist. Also I almost puked in front of my boss. We were chatting, I had a nausea wave come over me and I had to turn away and try hard not to gag. So I decided the time has come to tell her, so I did πŸ™‚ She is so very happy for me, she knows all we have been through and like everyone else she said, "Oh Jaime this time will be differant, this new baby will be fine and you will be the mom you were born to be."

I hope and pray so deeply and thoroughly that everyone’s optimism is right. I need this baby to make it so badly. My arms are aching to hold a child. I am 32 years old and I thought waiting until I was happy and stable was the best thing to do, now at 32 I think, I have 3 years left to make baby’s ( I would like to be done by 35) I never thought it would be this hard. I have always known I was meant to be a mom, and now I know more then ever that without a child, I will never be complete. I will never feel fullfilled. I need a child to love and rear and adore and dote on and raise. Dave and I are the most natural parent’s I know, both of us despret to have little ones running around.

Please God, God’s, Budha, whatever or whoever you might beleive in, or I might, please help me through the next 7 months and help me to get this child into my arms alive and breathing, I will never take another thing for granted ever again. I will be the most greatful mother of any mother who ever was a mother. (ok maybe only as much as anyone else who has lost a child and knows how precious the gift of a rainbow baby is),

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About mommamaynard

β€œLife is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance you must keep moving.” β€” Albert Einstein. When it feels like your world has been shattered, and you have reached rock bottom, you must make a choice: Stay where you are and fade away, or keep moving forward. Thankfully I chose to move forward and was blessed with the two most wonderful children after the death of my first in early labor. Things are looking up.

Posted on July 8, 2009, in Uncategorized and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink. 17 Comments.

  1. *hugs* look at all the miracle rainbow babies born this year, it’s our year mama, it is OUR year (i mean i know tech. you will have a 2010 baby, but still. made in 2009 :D)
    ❀

  2. You can do it, Jaime. This baby is coming home.
    And at 10 weeks before out growing your pants? Not bad! The best part of pregnancy (IMO) is the ultra comfy stretchy clothes- bring it on!

  3. you know i’m praying for you and hoping this all ends well this time.

  4. An old wives tale someone once told me was morning sickness is a sign of a very healthy baby πŸ™‚

    • So I am told. It didn’t change things last time though 😦 Evan was healthy and plump as can be, cord accidents are like getting hit by a car while jogging, makes no differance how healthy you are 😦

      • and this is what makes me scream and makes me want to say ok slice me open now…oh man.

      • I know sweety, I know πŸ™‚
        Deep breath and loud prayer.

      • I really think I’m going to ask them to do something tomorrow.. 😦

      • Ask for daily non stress tests, at least then you can see all is well. maybe?
        It’s so hard. I know for sure what I want. Hospital adimission at 38 weeks with induction. I will stay in the hospital for 4 days if that is how long it takes to get an induction going πŸ™‚
        No question for me. At all.

      • That’s what I want to. But I have a good belief it’s you wait for it, or you get sliced open, that’s the only options I have. 😦

      • 😦
        I was fearful that I wouldn’t be able to carry my second child to term, and I would have to have another baby put in the NICU. Every day was a struggle. I did make it to 39 weeks, 5 days with her. Once I got past that crucial 36 week mark, it was like a huge weight lifted off my shoulders. Even past the 33 week mark (when my son was born) was a huge accomplishment.
        I can only imagine what goes through your head on a daily basis though.

      • I know it sucks.
        Childbirth and parenting is supposed to be this beautiful natural thing. Since losing Evan my entire universe has changed. I was planning a peaceful home birth with him, had the tub filled and ready to go, then she showed up, I’m in heavy labor and she can’t find the baby’s heartbeat, driving to the hospital with contractions every 2 minutes, 5 minutes long SUCKED. Then we find out he is gone and I undergo basically every intervention in the book. So much for a natural beautiful childbirth. At least I can say my pregnancy with him was wonderful and carefree, at least I got that once this lifetime.

  5. (((((((((((((((((((((((((((keep this baby safe prayers))))))))))))))))))

  6. I’m glad to hear your boss took the news well and is so supportive.
    Everything will be fine. You’ll see. ((hugs))

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