A day in the life.

Please sprout grow fast and strong so I can start to feel your kicks soon. My rounding harder stomach and insatiable appetite is not enough to keep me confident of your health and well being.

Just having one of those moments. I didn’ t have morning sickness today. Maybe that was the huge amounts of protein from shrimp, crab and soy I had at dinner last night at the sushi restaurant. Protein seems to help. Maybe the morning sickenss is just starting to fade as it’s supposed to after the first trimester. However, I am already EXAUSTED of worrying about the well being of this baby all the time. At least if I could feel movement then I would know it’s in there moving around. I do this at least once a week and the bebe ends up being just fine, but having a checkup once a month is stressing me out, if I can’t feel it, I need to hear it’s heartbeat more often then that. Today’s appointment is just about test results, so I doubt there will be any listening to or looking at the bebe.

I though I could feel little movements earlier on, but I may have been wrong or the baby may have just moved furthur from my stomach, but I have felt nothing as of late, At the ultrasound when the baby was kicking up a storm I watched with amazement that this little creature was having a dance party in my womb and I couldn’t feel a thing.

I love you wee bebe, please grow up and be my daughter or son.

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About mommamaynard

“Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance you must keep moving.” — Albert Einstein. When it feels like your world has been shattered, and you have reached rock bottom, you must make a choice: Stay where you are and fade away, or keep moving forward. Thankfully I chose to move forward and was blessed with the two most wonderful children after the death of my first in early labor. Things are looking up.

Posted on July 29, 2009, in Uncategorized and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink. 7 Comments.

  1. Thats how movements were with me too. I thought I felt some really early on and then nothing for a few weeks.

  2. *hugs*
    i actually enjoyed the beginning of my pregnancy with eli the most, i think. i never worried as much, and the fact he didn’t move was really nice, b/c i didn’t have to worry. plus i never had a mc or anything, the beginnings of my pregnancies have always been fine and normal and peaceful.
    but then when he did start moving, it was stressful. honestly a doppler helped me so much, esp for nonstress tests. i realize it’s no promise of a happily ever after, but for those late night freak outs, well, it saved my sanity. and SO helped with my PTSD of NSTs, kwim?
    Anyway, ❤

    • I hear ya. I am probably going to stress at least a little all the way through. I will def. need a dopler as well. I mostly already get crazy anxiety/world is closing in feeling when people make plans for this babe. Like when my MIL talks about baby stuff and what she want’s to buy this baby if it’s a girl, I freak inside, I am so afraid all the grandparents will end up with is another dead baby to bury, so afraid of letting everyone and myself and Dave down again. I hate it. I wish I could just hide in a cave and enjoy my baby, which I do, but without the stress of those around me all beleiving this babe will be fine no matter what. I sure hope so, but somehow it feel like a lot of pressure,

  3. Hugs! I think with both of mine I didn’t feel anything other then flutters until about 20 weeks.

  4. (((((((((((((((((belly blessings)))))))))))))))))))))

  5. I know it’s hard to not worry when you are pregnant post-loss, but IME there were two roads I could take when I was pregnant with Charlotte – constant worrying, doppler checking, and fretting, or I could do everything I could and trust that what would happen, would just happen. Sounds trite, I know, but with Abby’s pregnancy I did everything right and she died. When I got pregnant with Charlotte I realized that I could do everything right and she could die too, or…..she could live! It was so much beyond my control. I decided to enjoy every day that I had her with me, even if it was only the 9 months of pregnancy, although of COURSE I wanted MORE!
    I am not trying to sound patronizing, I’m really not, and you KNOW that I understand what it’s like. I had my share of OH SHIT moments during my pregnancy but overall, I just….let go. And let me add that the stress of shadowing Abby’s pregnancy, exactly one year later while sharing the exact same due date, was very deja vu for me. I struggled to believe that Charlotte’s pregnancy wouldn’t mirror Abby’s, with the same result.
    Even when your baby is bumping and rolling around inside you, there will be moments when he/she is sleeping and still, and you will wonder if everything is ok. Or when the movements are especially active you may wonder if baby is struggling. There are a million and one things you can worry about during a “normal” pregnancy, if you choose to. Or you can cherish every moment of your pregnancy and accept that some things are beyond your control.
    Women like to believe that if they check baby’s heartbeat with doppler every day, or if they have an ultrasound every week/month, and if they schedule a c-section for two weeks before their due date and a host of other interventions that everything will be ok.
    Well, maybe. But if I learned anything from my pregnancy and birth with Abby, I learned that A+B does NOT always equal C. It’s tempting to believe that all the interventions can “save” us and our babies, but I chose to have faith in my body instead, not giving in to the doctor’s fear and paranoia. Some people really thought I was being too laid back, and that I didn’t really care what happened to this new baby but if ANYONE wanted to avoid another loss, it was ME!!!
    Please, I hope you know that I can relate to what you’re going through and I pray that you will have peace and joy through this pregnancy, welcoming a delicious little baby in several months time 🙂

  6. *hugs* Hang in there. With Sebastian I felt movement much earlier on than with Abi – 16 weeks or so I think it was.

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