Drama. The truth comes out.

As most suspected..there was WAY more to the story..It is done now, the friendship of 13 years has apprently crashed and burned in one 24 hour window.
I am left wondering if this girl is mentally well? We live now on opposite sides of the country and so haven’t been close in a while, however she fessed up. She has been holding grudges against me for 11 damn years, yes, from crap that happened in high school…and 6 years ago from my bridal shower.  A little back story first. I had a mad crush on her now husband in high school. We made out a couple of times and talked on the phone a couple of times. Nothing major. When she started dating him she asked me if it was ok and I said sure. That is in 1996? I think, maybe 1997. The year Dave and I got engaged, they were to get married, however, a month before their wedding she called it off. My mother scheduled us a surprise wedding shower on the same day she was supposed to get married, not realizing it was her day. When I found out, I said we should move it out of respect. I told her what my mom was planning and how I felt it was not appropriate, and she said, no go ahead it’s fully ok. I offered 2x to cancel. She said it was fine, she came to the shower and brought us a gift, we had a blast and I have tons of fun pictures and video’s from the night. I guess now, 6 years later it is not ok after all….somehow. We have hung out a handful of times since this and spoke online many many times, nothing was ever said until last night’s cat situatuation came to a head. Once she blocked me on facebook completly, I sent one final email message, here is how it went: 

Me:
I am sorry I upset you so deeply you would be willing to never talk to me again? I try to be the best person I can be, and I had no idea you  were even trying, you never confided in me, if you had I would have been very sensitive to the stress that comes with that. I have a friend here who is going through the same thing. I am thinking you must have already been upset with me before this because it feel’s too extreme a reaction to just one conversation, so if I did anything, other then trying to explain myself and why I have no money for a fence. I am sorry. I was never seeking a pity party, friends are there to let you bitch during the hard times. I would have loved to have been able to to hear you out too, but I guess you chose not to confide in me, then get mad at me for not understanding. I did my best to help when you messaged me the other day, I don’t know if what I said upset you when I suggested a cleansing, but that was my honest answer.
 
That’s all, if you want to give up on our friendship that easily, it’s your choice, I can’t force it, sorry. You don’t have to answer, i just wanted to say I was trying to not let it come to this, which is why I said can’t we just agree to disagree sometimes. 

Her:
Jaime.. You’re right, it is more than the fence. This has been deep rooted for some time & I’ve been trying very hard to rise above it.. It seems as though you were the one who was ready to jeapordize my friendship with you back when you moved your engagement party to what was supposed to be my WEDDING day after all the invitations were sent. That was done in extremely poor taste. I cannot forget about that, nor will I deny it anymore.

Jaime, its not about your advise on the last email about clensing.. That’s not it in any way. I’m done with trying to figure out the reasons why you say and do the things you do.. Like, there always seems to be an excuse, some way to turn it around and I’m finished with trying to figure out something that there’s no answer for.

Another thing.. Colin said you 2 never ever dated. He said it was a one time kiss in a drunken state at Fats, he kissed you the same night he made out with 2 other girls… but you told me that you 2 dated, that he went over several times, you’d talk on the phone.. I had to ask your permission to start seeing him because I believed you. Now I wonder what else has been misconstrued…

I’m not throwing away anything that hasn’t been tarnished already.

Me:
I just have to respond, I feel attacked and like I have to.
You have been holding a grudge for a million years over something my mother did?? I recall saying to her it was wrong and I didn’t want it that day, I even told you at that time she was planning it and I thought it was wrong, and I was going to tell her to change it, and you said no, it was fine..I knew that was bad, I knew it and I should have gone with my gut.
 
I don’t give a shit about high school, Colin and I were NEVER serious, I never said we were, we kissed a couple of time and talked on the phone a couple of times, you asked my permission cause you knew I liked him, and as a friend, you wanted to make sure I wouldn’t be hurt if you went for him. I appreciated that and thought it was a good friend thing to do. It was HIGH SCHOOL, you are married to him now. We have all moved way on from there, I thought.
I have never made up anything or lied to you, and wow, I am so shocked by all of this.
 
If this the way it’s going to be then I am so fine with this friendship ending, just sorry it came to this. Maybe you should learn to actually tell people when they upset you instead of letting it build up for like 6 or more years. Damn!

The End. With friends like that who need’s enemy’s? I was talking to mom, like I always do, we are close and she was soooo shocked about this. She was like that girl has always had issues, just let her go. Man on man, I am so hurt by all this, but I realise it’s not worth it. She is so not an important fixture in my life, and this attack was so mean and uncalled for. 

I think I have figured out the bottom line here. She is hurt by all my pregnancy updates on facebook all the time, talking about the baby kicking and growing, and is bothered by my complaining about hip pain and heartburn because she has been unable to get pregnant. She feel’s I shouldn’t complain or whine and should just be greatful. (Cause I am not right?) I understand this because this how I feel when people complain about parenting, like shut up and be greatful your child is alive…so I get that. However, it is not excuse to attack a friend like she did, ever. I am sorry for what she is going through, I am not sorry I am pregnant, I am overjoyed, over the moon, I appreciate every kick, every day of heartburn, every ache, it all means my little one is growing and developing and I can’t ever take that for granted, cause it can change in a heartbeat. Litterally.

 

Advertisements

About mommamaynard

β€œLife is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance you must keep moving.” β€” Albert Einstein. When it feels like your world has been shattered, and you have reached rock bottom, you must make a choice: Stay where you are and fade away, or keep moving forward. Thankfully I chose to move forward and was blessed with the two most wonderful children after the death of my first in early labor. Things are looking up.

Posted on September 13, 2009, in Uncategorized and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink. 10 Comments.

  1. Somehow I missed all the drama, but WHOA. What a fucking BITCH! (((((((((hugs)))))))))))
    Having been on the TTC/ infertility wagon, I can say: yes, there’s some jealousy. BUT, you (meaning the infertile one) have to let it go, especially with close friends. You (again, the infertile one) can feel butthurt and sad, but people get pregnant every fucking day, there’s no getting around it. You have to be sad and angry for yourself and not compare to others — or… rather, that’s how a mentally stable/ mature person has to come to grips with infertility. (And there’s the “trump card” of grief rule of friendship, where one needs to be sensitive to which one is having the hardest time… but that presupposes that each friend is ACTUALLY SHARING what is going on! And she did not, so that trump card can’t be called in, suddenly!)
    And she couldn’t do that, and moreover was holding on to shit from HIGH SCHOOL???? LET IT GO ALREADY!!! Your responses were very kind and considerate, imo. I’d have wanted to slap a bitch! LOL (And thus, I have no close friends anymore, except online…)
    UGH.
    Um… I ended up getting a couple of books on friendship from the library this weekend, including one about being dumped by a BFF, I’ll let you know if either are any good!
    Anyhoo, if you need more commiseration, DM me on FB or email me, OK? Getting shit on by a seeming good friend has been sort of my forte this past year! LOL :rolleyes

    • Thanks Lady πŸ™‚
      This =Sucks. I have lost too many friends but this one, I am almost relieved over. If she is that hateful of a person then I REALLY don’t need that in my life. Let me know about the books.
      It hurt me a lot, I felt like….ripped to shreds, accused of being a lier and attention seeker, it was just soo mean, and I am so sensitive right now. I just need to let it go and move on.
      I need to stop caring so much what these ass hats think.

  2. cause it can change in a heartbeat. Litterally.
    So true, and you should never apologize. Again we all have our issues. I had a friend whose daughter was born after Saige and she would complain about the baby staying up all night and I’d be hurt by it but I never said anything because this is her struggle, not mine. And that’s the way it is for anyone, I hate she ruined a good friendship over that.

  3. I’m sorry about the lost friend, but that kind of resentment can’t just be undone.
    I always think of those worse off when I complain, but still we all complain.

  4. i know it sucks, i’ve been throught the same type of friendship losses. but, really…. thats so dumb. it’s probably better just to let it go and move it out of your mind. you dont have time for that garbage πŸ™‚

  5. I went through something like this with a former friend years ago. My husband and I had our first date on her birthday – basically a double with her and her then-fiance (now husband). At the time, she told me it was the best birthday ever. Then /years/ later, she attacked me, saying how terrible it had been seeing O fawning all over me (she had a thing for him at the time). I was totally thrown.
    Sometimes goodbye is the best thing you can say. 😦

  6. i agree – how immature. i mean, seriously, to hold a grudge from that long ago and NEVER talk to you about it?
    and i think you are right about the bottom line. and that is hard! i don’t know. a friend of mine has been TTC for 2 years – since i was pregnant with maya – and if i got pregnant with #2 before she got pregnant with #1, she would absolutely be thrilled for me as well as be up-front about being jealous and having a difficult time. she wouldn’t just store up resentment against me and blow up at me for petty shit. it’s hard when someone wants a baby to see all these other people with babies, as i know you know, but it is absolutely not right to be mean to someone because of it.
    and i’m sure your friend complains about all sorts of things that other people don’t have. we all do. i complain about this house and how crappy it is, well, some people are homeless. i complain about my husband because he irritates me sometimes, well, some people wish they were married but remain single forever. i complain when i am sick with something curable, well, some people have terminal illnesses. i complain when maya is having a really difficult day, well, some people will never have children but wish they could. i mean… no matter what your problems are, there are always TONS of people in the world with worse problems than you. does that mean that we should never complain about our problems, ever? no. then we’d end up like your friend here, storing everything up forever and then exploding. and while we all get annoyed about people complaining who have things better than us – quite a few of my friends have 1.5 to 2 times our annual income, and when they complain about money to ME i just roll my eyes – it’s something that WE ALL DO.
    pregnancy can be physically and emotionally hard – especially after loss – but you are absolutely sharing the joy as well as the complaints. and that’s 100% okay. just because you complain about pregnancy doesn’t mean you take it for granted. you are enjoying the wonderful parts and having difficulty with the difficult parts, and that is normal and expected.
    *hugs* sorry you had to go through all this, but i’m glad that you cut someone toxic from your life.

  7. Yes. I would agree with you that she sounds like she’s got a lot of grudge holding going on there. I would let her go too. Just sorry that she hasn’t learned to be a better friend by now (i.e. communicating her genuine feelings). The girl is how old? She acts like a much younger person- like maybe 10.

    • Ya exactly. Same age as me or a bit older so I think 33? I just don’t understand. I feel like we have grown miles apart, I felt this way last time we hung out..I am a counsellor by proffesion, so communication is my business, and so I don’t expect every one to be an effective communicator, but this is like you said, junior high level communication.
      I have lost so many friends in recent years, but I guess that just makes room for new ones to come into my life.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Gluten Free Girl

Food-Stories-Recipes-Love

%d bloggers like this: