Follow up to last nights post…

I am so dismayed, and being as sensitive as I am, I am bawling my eyes out. Keep in mind this is a conversation from a life long friend. Best for a few years of high school. I choose to private message her to explain furthur without putting my business all over facebook.
Here is the result, I need to share to get outside judgement here-Was I really so wrong that you would unfriend me….I wasen’t seeking a pity party, I was trying to demonstrate why we have no money at all right now, and since it didn’t seem clear otherwise, I was laying it out. Also before you read..please know I had NO idea she had been trying for 6 years, she never ever told me. I would be super sensitive to that, but I can’t read minds…I am just so hurt and shocked and I don’t know what to do…

Jaime Maynard September 13 at 12:41am
We don’t have money for a fence. We are not being irresponsible, you talk about feeling cursed, well in one year, 12 months..We….Had a close relative die after being hit by a drunk driver, got robbed on our first child, Evan’s due date, had a child that died on Christmas eve, parent’s got divorced, grandmother died, husband cut 3 of his fingers entirely and was off work for 5 month, has had two surgeries and has at least two more to come, each one putting him off for a month. He is in bankruptcy because he couldn’t pay his bills and they wouldn’t help him (remember the credit card insurance fiasco) we had Salvation Army filling our oil tank for us last winter cause we were so poor. So what I mean to say by all this is PLEASE don’t assume it’s so cut and dry, if we had the money to have a fence we would already, we have a dog too who have to keep on a leash all the time. I would keep my cat on a leash if I let her out, I don’t let her out, I will try a leash and see if she stops bolting, I can’t chase her, I can only do my best to keep her in. I feel the all the responsibility in the world is on my shoulders, I can only do so much. I have loved and take VERY good care of both of my cats for 10 and 8 years, both were rescue cats, I am just stressed of late with their missbehaviour, I am reading cat phychology books, talking my vet, doing everything I can to try and keep everyone happy in this house. It’s all way harder then it may seem
So please, I just want you to see things from my perspective before you just assume I don’t care, I am not trying, or I am just cheap…None of the above applies at all. Most of all I don’t want to fight with you about it, you don’t have to agree with me, but please just try and not judge me. I respect you and our friendship enough I would hope i wouldn’t judge you without understanding everything.

Lisa September 13 at 1:01am Report
Well, Jaime… when you say "so be it" when your cat gets out, maybe next time you should try to re-word it. Saying "so be it" (to me) sounds like you don’t give a shit.
I understand you’ve had tragedies in your life, we all do. We all have to deal with the shit we’re dealt with.. if this sounds harsh, I’m sorry but that’s just *the way it is. Cut and dry, yes. My life hasn’t been all gum drops and fairytails either.
Remember, I grew up with a very abusive alcholic for a father, been raped 6 times among other things.. no, I haven’t had the curse of loosing a first child, but my Mother did. My sister was a soul lost too. I don’t know what it is like to loose like that, but don’t go and throw things like that in my face when we ALL have shit to deal with. I have osteoporosis, my teeth are chipping & breaking away and you’re telling me that I am judging you??? Colin & I have been trying for 6 years to have a child and are unable to, so count your fucking blessings that you are able!
When I say I’m done Jaime, that’s exactly what I meant. I’m done. I don’t argue, it’s not worth my time. Using excuses is not my style. Saying that you’re pregnant and moody, that’s fine, but stop using it as an excuse for pitty.

About mommamaynard

“Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance you must keep moving.” — Albert Einstein. When it feels like your world has been shattered, and you have reached rock bottom, you must make a choice: Stay where you are and fade away, or keep moving forward. Thankfully I chose to move forward and was blessed with the two most wonderful children after the death of my first in early labor. Things are looking up.

Posted on September 13, 2009, in Uncategorized and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink. 15 Comments.

  1. Wow. I can’t believe that your “friend” would talk to you like that! You are so much better without her.

  2. Whoa. My brain is breaking at her juvenileness…
    PS: when I read that about your cat my immediate thought was: fuck it. Cats are just cats, they aren’t children. If a cat believes it wants to be outside so much and it can’t stay safe, then that’s that. And I love animals. Absolutely. But… they are not humans. They don’t get the same priority. I know that’s a mean/ horrible thing to say, but when I had Remy, my attitude about my animals changed 100%. I miss Pinter (and Roshi) very much, but it is ABSOLUTELY not the same thing as losing a child. Not even close. Not even the same thing as being infertile, in fact, and the years of heartache over that I had…

    • I SOOO agree, after giving birth, becoming a mama, something changes, it’s like you REALLY realize what matters in life. My cats are my cat’s I don’t wish them hard, I will take care of them, but they are not my children.

      • Yup. I knew you knew it, too. Maybe someday she will as well, and then she’ll realize what an ass she was (probably not, but one can always hope? NAH!)

  3. I would not let someone like her make you feel bad. Don’t apoligize to her and it’s not your fault. Sometimes friends just grow apart. She’s prob just getting angry to come up with a reason to not want to be your friend.
    Forget her, she’s not worth your time.

  4. I am so shocked she’s acting that way, and I think the cat is just something for her to jump all over. I can’t even begin to get my thoughts together because I am just so pissed she was talking that way to you and judging your parenting, what the fuck? hell no. everybody has fucking problems, but just because you do you can’t go take it out on someone else!

  5. It really seems like something else besides your “cat parenting” is bothering her.

    • Agreed, fully. Especially since I didn’t once say a thing about being moody and pregnant (Even though I am) nor did I think I ever used it, or Evan’s death, for pity? I personally believe she was drinking and her frustrations were taken out on me. If I was not just an innocent bystander, then I have no clue what I did or said, outside of cat stuff, to trigger this, and she has chosen not to tell me.
      I wish I didn’t let crap like this bother so much, i just do, I have to stop and care less what people think when I am doing my best to be caring and understanding.

  6. I hate it when people feel they need to get in a pissing contest about ‘who’s had more heartbreak’. It’s a waste of time. It’s true, everyone is dealing with their own issues and pain, but she shouldn’t judge you and lash out at you like that. Jeebus. I’m sorry you have to deal with this.

  7. wow…I can’t believe shes even talking to you like that..I can’t even get into words what I want to say but..just wow. I’m so sorry you had to deal with that. I’d be REALLY upset too. ::Hugs:: you did NOTHING wrong!

  8. Ugh, whatever she doesn’t even get the situation. And to fight back with you by just listing all her bad shit? Like what kind of conversation is that? “Hey ya your life sucks, mine sucks more, k your turn..” that’s hwat it sounded like. I mean, it’s a fence! And you are responsible you’ve had your cats for so long, this is crazy.
    Like her “bad situations” don’t even relate to yours, not that we should be judging either. But in this context of “hey you need a fence it’s only 2 grand…” then your situation needed to be fully explained so she could understand the magnitude of why you can’t afford the fence, etc… but to come back with her own pity party of “i got raped 6 times, and my father was an alcoholic..” Like yeah i’m not trivializing any of that, but those things have nothing to do with this convo.
    It sounds maybe like hse just needed a place to vent? Maybe she’ll feel better and apologize? In all reality, this started over a cat fence.

    • I KNOW….
      I think she just needed a place to vent as well and I got to be that person. I don’t know if she will apoligize, she blocked me on facebook, not just unfriended, fully blocked.
      I knew about her dad, we grew up together, we became friends because our dad’s were both addicts, mine to drugs, her’s to alcohol, so why even bring that up? My dead is dead, he died from drug use 7 years ago..She knows that…and it has nothing to do with money for a fence, or me being a good cat parent. I didn’t even want to have to explain why we can’t pull 2k out of our ass. Me saying we didn ‘t have the money should have been enough, and should never have been followed up with My cat’s life is worth 2k…I agree, I don’t have it. Money dosen’t just appear out of the air…She just seemed to be implying I just didn’t want to spend it..Such bullshit drama, and then to imply I am using my child’s death for pity, how fucking sick is that shit, what kind of person would do that…or to imply I am not greatful that I am pregnant. I am greatful every second of every day that I am pregnant, I know how easily life can slip away. Fuck, I am so mad.
      I think the bottom line is she is dealing with her own demons..I know she had a few abortions in her life,so I think maybe it’s haunting her now that she is not able to get pregnant, and that sucks, and I am so sorry for her and feel bad and wish she could have just talked me as a friend about it, instead of this crap. I would not judge her it, if I had gotten pregnant in high school I would have done the same, and I would be devastated if later on I found out I couldn’t have children..She choose not to share that with me and the jump down my throat saying I should be fucking greatful I can get pregnant.
      Wow, just wow, it’s like the twilight zone.

    • Besides..I said in my final email, sorry if my talking about my shit luck offended you, I thought we were friends, friends can bitch with friends cause it’s safe and healthy. Like hello, I have had a shit year yes, I still feel fully bad for you when you write about the problems with your family M..that’s what friends do, we just bitch and complain about the hardships and support each other without feeling like we need to one up each other..It’s nice to have someone to just listen and lend an understanding ear. Not like oh my problems are worse then yours..problems are problems, they suck. Sigh!

  9. I have gone through similar situations in terms of someone just not getting it through their thick skulls about what I’m dealing with, then on top of it having the nerve to judge me. A real friend won’t judge you THAT harshly. Unless you kill someone I mean, to end a friendship over disagreeing with the way someone is doing something, talk about drama. Yeah, she could have simply suggested ways to keep your cat in (without judgement) but to even suggest you don’t care about your cats especially when I assume she knows you quite well, is just childish.
    Some people are so knee high in their own shit that that’s all they see. They have no perspective but their own. You have been through SO MUCH but you still are so understanding and your heart goes out to everyone whether you’ve been in their situation or not. I know it sucks that it’s a lifelong friend, but man, they do not get off on saying shit like that nor being so nonunderstanding and simply disregarding your stuff to throw their own pity party (and them blame you for having one). Her argument just now appears so hypocritical, but that’s just my two cents.
    You’re good people Jaime, don’t let anyone let you feel otherwise. *HUGS*

    • Thanks :)…
      I am so upset by this, but I know I shouldn’t be, cause I have done nothing, and your right, I make my mission not judge people, or at least not out loud, cause who am I to assume what they are going through?
      We grew up together, I know she had an alcholic father, my father was a coke addict and died from it, I never mentioned that, she knew that, again, that is part of why we became friends in the first place, we understood each other..
      I like Dave’s moto, having a hard life is not an excuse to be crazy, you decide how your going to deal with things, you can stay a good person, or you be a dark person. I personally would rather commit suicide then spend the rest of my life miserable, so I choose to look ahead with hope and try to be a good person..Sigh!

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