Emo times.

Pre-Emo Disclosure.

1) I realise that I am pregnant, which makes me WAY more sensitve then I normally would be, and I am normally really sensitive.
2) I realise that when it comes to family, many have it way worse, but this is my blog, and I just need to vent. I do appreciate what I have.
3) I am living through pregnancy after stillbirth, that give me at least some leaway to be hyper sensitive and have higher expections of the people in my life.

Now that that is done. Let’s move on.

Dear friends and family in question…Some things are REALLY important.

– It’s better to make no promises at all, then to make and break important promises to me and leave me to my own devices to figure out that said promise will in fact, likely never come to fuition. It’s really not nice to leave a person hanging, waiting.

-I am having a baby, after stillbirth, I worry every moment of every day about this baby’s very life, like it’s not exausting enough just being 6 months pregnant. I had hopped you would be supportive and helpful, not a cause of stress and additional discomfort. For once in my life, I need this to be about me. Sorry if that sounds selfish.

-Family and real friends are supposed to be supportive, give and take at best, not just take, take, take.

-When it’s your only daughter’s birthday, and you know she is financially strapped, and you always send her some money for a nice dinner out for her birthday, WHY would you choose the one year she really need’s to unwind to send an empty card with a note that says since you lent me money in August, I am not getting any birthday money this year. How sad and rude.

-When I lived in Toronto, I  spent $1000.00 a year on flights home to see you. In the  years I lived in Toronto, you came to see me 2x and once was my damn wedding. Sometimes I think if I didn’t try so hard, we wouldn’t have a relationship at all, cause you make almost no effort.

-I moved back east so I could be close to you. I am now a 3hr drive away. I have lived here for 2.5 years, and have been home to visit you every other month. You have been here 2x, once was the baby’s funeral. You NEVER offer to help with gas money or highways tolls when I drive home. Something’s never change. I ask you to help with the cost in August, and in exchange for getting gas money, I get a card on both my anniversary and birthday saying since you gave me money in August, I am not getting any more.

-I spend hours and hours and hours and hours career coaching you, helping you apply for jobs, editing your cover letter and resume, helping you with your computer course. People pay me good money for that. I wouldn’t dream of charging you, cause you are family. However, it seems I am not appreciated based the ony birthday card fiasco mentioned above. I am done helping you day and night and nothing in return ever. All I wanted was a little respect. I was going to put that money toward my 3D ultrasound you know.

Lastly-Why did I got to University for 6 years to still be poor? To live paycheck to paycheck with no excess. To get all my furniture second hand. To have no luxury’s. It’s frustrating. I shoulda been a Lawyer. Social Workers and Counsellors are highly undervalued. Oh yes, I do it for the passion of helping. I have my house, but it costs less then it did to rent. I can’t wait til my gigantic student loan is paid off, then I shall be laughing all the way to the bank, that free’s up nearly $600.00 a month. 🙂

Thank you and I am done. TGIF. 

About mommamaynard

“Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance you must keep moving.” — Albert Einstein. When it feels like your world has been shattered, and you have reached rock bottom, you must make a choice: Stay where you are and fade away, or keep moving forward. Thankfully I chose to move forward and was blessed with the two most wonderful children after the death of my first in early labor. Things are looking up.

Posted on October 22, 2009, in Uncategorized and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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