32 weeks pregnant…yesterday.
It’s crazy to think I could have her out in 5 weeks. I honestly really wish we could get her out soon, like 37 weeks 1 day..rather then later..but on the flipside I want to do wait til she is good and ready..it’s a catch 22.
We will just to wait and see how the biophysicals and my overall health go in the next 5 weeks. Right now things are going awesome, nothing to even mention, very little water rentention, good BP and all that, I think I am up 11 or 12 pounds now so slowly climbing.
She moves alot and hard which is reasuring, her feet are always up in my sides and ribs, somedays it really, really feels like she is trying to burst out. As soon as she turned head down 90% of my back and SI pain went away, it’s so great. My physiotherapist is still seeing me but is so impressed. Yesterday she saw me for 30 minutes, said I was in perfect alignment and made another appointment for 2 weeks. She is basically just checking in now since all is well, she is just hoping it stays that way until delivery time.
Baby is low, low, low, I find her direct heartbeat (like not a distant echo) 2 inches below my navel, that is how low she is. Her head spends it’s day bopping off my bladder, which means I am peeing like 10,0000 times a day. Evan stayed put on my right side the entire time after he was head down, did not move. This one is back and forth several times a day. Left right left. She is active little muchkin, not much of a sleeper, she seems to sleep like 20 minutes at a time and then starts wiggling again. She started having hickup’s this week after I eat, but they only last maybe 5-10 minutes tops. Oh I don’t know if I mentioned, at my last ultrasound they showed me two neato things, firstly she already has lots of hair on her head 🙂 and second she is practicing her breathing lots, we were watching her chest rise and fall on the ultrasound screen. So precious. We start weekly biophysicals next week and I am really happy, it’s like that extra piece of mind I need in these last weeks. My anxiety has been really good, but still creeps up at least once a day. I just keep telling myself-This one IS comming home. She just is.
I love her so much, I tell her all day long how much I love her already and can’t wait to be her mommy.
Last night I had a dream about her..indirectly. It wasn’t with her in it, it was about her. It was like a message that she was comming because Lakshmi was looking out for her and stomping out anything that tries to touch her….but then I was confused cause it’s typically Kali who is the stomper…and the word stomp was clear in my dream. BUT Lakshmi is a Goddess I felt a VERY strong pull to just before I left Toronto. My boss was Hindu and I became interested in differant Hindu festivals and came across Diwali and then started reading up on Lakshmi and started dreaming about her often and reading all I could about her story. Since moving here, my spiritual side had been nearly extinguished with Evan’s death and all our loss, it wasn’t even on purpose, it just kind of went away for a while. The dreams stopped, the need for any form of worship stopped. I can’t think of a better time for it to start re-igniting. I think there is nothing more sacred in the world then pregnancy and childbirth, bringing forth life with our own bodies is just amazing, even when it dosen’t go exactly as we had hopped.
Despite Evan’s death, it remained clear to me that his spirit was still with me, the messages kept flooding in so clearly there was no mistaking them, the birds at his funeral, the bird in the cemetary, the melting candle wax into a heart..all of these things were there to remind me that although not physically with me, he was still with me. I love my babies.