Hi! I am the crazy mom.

How am I supposed to make it to 39 weeks? Not without loss of sleep I can tell you that much.
I keep getting perfect check ups, she keeps passing her 6 moves in an hour kick count daily with not problem at all. I have weekly biophysicals about to begin..none of it makes the crazies go away.

I have somehow convinced myself that if I don’t feel 5-6 moves every single hour of every day then something must be wrong. Um, sleep?
Last night/this morning I woke up at 4am and thought I hadn’t felt her move since bedtime at 11pm. (I was sleeping). So I got up, drank cranberry juice and laid on my side for 1 hour, til 5am til I felt 4 kicks, she was sleeping that is why the slo-mo, I know that, but I was overtaken by the crazies. I woke up at 8am to her kicking up a storm and she hasen’t stopped since, there is nothing wrong with this baby.
I am losing my mind the longer I can’t see her and know she is ok. I will be 37 weeks in 4 weeks 4 days, I want her out then. Grr for having to wait til 39 weeks. I know it is probably better for her to bake longer but I just hope I can make it with my sanity intact.

Maybe I will do better when I am on mat leave and can spend more of the day paying attention to her movements.

About mommamaynard

“Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance you must keep moving.” — Albert Einstein. When it feels like your world has been shattered, and you have reached rock bottom, you must make a choice: Stay where you are and fade away, or keep moving forward. Thankfully I chose to move forward and was blessed with the two most wonderful children after the death of my first in early labor. Things are looking up.

Posted on December 13, 2009, in Uncategorized and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 11 Comments.

  1. Oh *hugs* I wish u didnt have to wait until 39 weeks either. I

  2. Do you still have the doppler? I don’t blame you for being worried. All moms worry and you have even more reason to be scared.

  3. I understand. Its soooo scary near the end. I am sooo surprised you haven;t had a real freak out yet and ran to the hospital. Don’t forget, that is what they are there for, if you need to, go. JUst to reassure yourself that shes fine if needed. They will understand
    I cant even imagine having to WORK and pay attention to movements. I had a hard enough time doing it with Ethan.

    • I haven’t had a full on freakout yet. The hospital does keep telling me I can drop by anytime I just haven’t needed to yet. I am lucky she is mostly a mover..I just have bad moments. I am just to scared usually to even think she might not be ok..but then sometimes the thought creeps in and it’s the self talk that keeps me sane. Calm down, calm down, calm down. Drink juice, wiggle baby and wait for a reaction. Sigh!
      I am almost done work now, but I am even torn on that front cause work keep’s me busy.

      • Does she have hiccups a lot? They always made me feel better. Thats something they look for in biophysical profiles. SOmething about it being a voluntary movement or somethig..or maybe its involuntary. But I always told myself, “if he has hiccups today, hes probably going to be just fine for AT least another week”
        I dunno if that will help you but hiccups are a GOOD re assuring thing.

      • She just started having the hickups about once a day in the past couple of weeks. It’s not comforting to me cause Evan had the hickups ALL THE TIME and well we know how that story ended. Someone told me after he died that chronic hiccups can indicate cord compression….
        I don’t remember were they got that info from.
        My biophysicals starts Thursday and I think that might help at least a little.

      • oh my. Good thing you didn’t mention that when I was pregnant! Lucas had hiccups about 4 times a day for the last 4 months!

      • Well obviously it’s a fine line if it’s a concern or not, cause your boy is fine as are lots of baby’s with hiccups.
        Here is a quote from the study I was thinking of “Clinical signs which may be present given the biochemical status of the fetus at risk of umbilical cord compression compensation are; Hiccups, Hyperactivity, Decreased fetal movement and Fetal heart rate changes. Normal physiologic hiccups last 10-15 min and occur > 4X / 24 hrs.”
        That is why I am slightly relieved Evangeline’s hiccups always last less then 5 minutes.

  4. i know mama. i know. it’s like you think you managed to come through stillbirth with your sanity intact barely, and this post loss pregnancy pushes you to the edge in a whole new way. it was harder in many ways than catti’s death, b/c it’s just such a mix of emotions-hope, fear, fear, hope, yeah it’s rough.
    praying for peace for you, did you ever get a doppler or no?

    • I do have a dopler type device that my friend Natashia lent me, it’s called Angel Sounds, It does the job. I just really don’t find it a comfort somehow, I think the babies heart could be beating now, but if she is not kicking then maybe she is in trouble and it’s not showing in her heartrate yet..or something. I don’t know were I got that idea. I really haven’t used the doppler much at all.
      Your right, it is a wild ride, it’s way scary, it’s like we have grown so attached and so hopeful, and so terrified it could all crumble again. It’s just to easy for that to happen.

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