I wish it was Thursday, I am wishing the days away, I find after my Thursday biophysical I am good for about 2 days then I start to worry again. So I wish it was Thursday so I could see my baby girl again and hear the nurse say she looks great.
I am all over the map. Mostly I just want to see her and know she is ok. outside of me, mostly I just want to deliver a living baby while she is still thriving. I think I knew the end would be hard, but I didn’t realise how hard. I am reading into every single thing all the time. Worry wart.
Knowing I am 37 weeks in 3 days, and that she is almost full term, makes it hard to wait, even just one more week.
I had trace protein in my urine for 2 appointments and +2 protein last Thursday, but my blood pressure has been consistantly fine, I gained no weight in 2 weeks and I have very minimal swelling at all. So…they were not at all worried about Pre-Eclampsia, but didn’t understand were the protein was comming from. They sent a sample off to see if there any sign of infection, but I have no signs of infection and usually I can tell. It’s so close that a huge part of me is just like, why make me wait another week, she is good now, let’s get her out. I know I can make it, I can, I have to, but I just want her here.
Sadly though, I know that the worries don’t stop once she is out, then a new set of worries kick in, then I start panicking about SIDS and everything else. At least I could see her though, know she ok for sure, on the inside I just have to hope.
Have been having tons of screwy dreams. The good news is in my heart I always know the baby lives in my dreams. I never get to see her though. I never get to witness delivery or see the baby post partum. I am always looking around, asking everyone were my baby is..I never find her, not yet, but I just know she is fine, just missing…
As long as she keeps wiggling around in there then I will be ok, her movements are oh so reassuring.