Mish mash

I wish it was Thursday, I am wishing the days away, I find after my Thursday biophysical I am good for about 2 days then I start to worry again. So I wish it was Thursday so I could see my baby girl again and hear the nurse say she looks great.

I am all over the map. Mostly I just want to see her and know she is ok. outside of me, mostly I just want to deliver a living baby while she is still thriving. I think I knew the end would be hard, but I didn’t realise how hard. I am reading into every single thing all the time. Worry wart.
Knowing I am 37 weeks in 3 days, and that she is almost full term, makes it hard to wait, even just one more week.
I had trace protein in my urine for 2 appointments and +2 protein last Thursday, but my blood pressure has been consistantly fine, I gained no weight in 2 weeks and I have very minimal swelling at all. So…they were not at all worried about Pre-Eclampsia, but didn’t understand were the protein was comming from. They sent a sample off to see if there any sign of infection, but I have no signs of infection and usually I can tell. It’s so close that a huge part of me is just like, why make me wait another week, she is good now, let’s get her out. I know I can make it, I can, I have to, but I just want her here.

Sadly though, I know that the worries don’t stop once she is out, then a new set of worries kick in, then I start panicking about SIDS and everything else. At least I could see her though, know she ok for sure, on the inside I just have to hope. 

Have been having tons of screwy dreams. The good news is in my heart I always know the baby lives in my dreams. I never get to see her though. I never get to witness delivery or see the baby post partum. I am always looking around, asking everyone were my baby is..I never find her, not yet, but I just know she is fine, just missing…

As long as she keeps wiggling around in there then I will be ok, her movements are oh so reassuring.

About mommamaynard

“Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance you must keep moving.” — Albert Einstein. When it feels like your world has been shattered, and you have reached rock bottom, you must make a choice: Stay where you are and fade away, or keep moving forward. Thankfully I chose to move forward and was blessed with the two most wonderful children after the death of my first in early labor. Things are looking up.

Posted on January 11, 2010, in Uncategorized and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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