5 short days..in Evangeline city.
Wow, I am feeling uber overwhelmed, but I really blame the baby blues, which I never realised was the baby blues after Evan cause I guess I was just super depressed…so I was so confused as to why I have been crying so much this time, when I have my angel home with me..I realise it’s the baby blues everyone talks about. I feel boarderline crazy some days..like I feel sad that I feel sad when I have everything I ever wanted…I guess the lack of sleep dosen’t help.
My milk has come in and my breasts are engorged and soar and I have a crazy letdown, they were spraying all over the shower haa. They hurt, I am hand expressing milk to take the pressure off cause E can’t or wont’ eat enough to keep up.
Speaking of feeding, breastfeeding is going rough…it makes me sad. See above. She won’t freaking latch without a fight, and cries and freaks out everytime I try to latch her.sometimes I get her when she is sleepy and she will get tricked on, that’s just it, she can latch, she had a great latch before everything went haywire in the hospital and I was forced to suppliment with formula. She was fed from a bottle 2x and then from a dropper after that until my milk came in yesterday and supplimentation was no longer needed. During that short period she has decided she does not like my breast anymore and will just stay on the boob with her mouth open and get pissed off when nothing squirts into her mouth…We had a public health nurse here today who helped to get her latched with persistance and trickery and confimed there is nothing wrong with her latch, or my supply, it`s that she has learned that quickly that she can get full with no work and dosen`t want to work for it anymore…all we can do is stay with it cause she will take the boob with enough time and effort, gotta get her when she`s sleepy and then dosen`t think about what she is going.
She just wants to sleep all day…I am supposed to feed her every 3 hours to get supply regulated and get her back up to her birth weight, but she dosen`t want to..I wake her by changing her diaper then calm her and when calm try and latch her but she turns away and get`s pissed at me when I persist. I refuse to feed this child my milk from a damn bottle when I know she can latch, she did last night, had 2 nice mutard poop diapers today, so I know she is getting my milk, she is just stubborn and I have to be to.
It`s all way to hard on the head.
She is sooo much smaller then I foresaw, she barely fits in Newborn clothes, so 3 quarters of her clothes don`t come close to fitting, good thing she dosen`t have of a social life and can chill in her diaper and a blankie. This also means majority of her diapers don`t fit since she wears an XS, and some XS are to big for her especially in the legs. She is tiny.
She farts louder then her daddy and had a poop explosion on him last night.
She is a pretty mellow baby so far expect for this feeding issue she is pretty much quiet.
I am freaking out over every little thing, of course. I am a paranoid, weepy, stressed and tiered new mom. I know, welcome to parenthood.
I hurt one of my stitches last night, it started bleeding and now it`s excruciating to pee. I am making up a comfrey and calendula soak as we speak to soak my perinium.
I have faith things will get better with time and persistance. I just need the serenity to get to that point through this breast feeding fight, get on a new schedule, learn to really actually sleep again and get my hormones regulated.
That is all for now. Maybe tonight if I have some downtime I will write more about her birth and the stress and bullshit we faced during our horrible 4 day hospital stay.