5 short days..in Evangeline city.

Wow, I am feeling uber overwhelmed, but I really blame the baby blues, which I never realised was the baby blues after Evan cause I guess I was just super depressed…so I was so confused as to why I have been crying so much this time, when I have my angel home with me..I realise it’s the baby blues everyone talks about. I feel boarderline crazy some days..like I feel sad that I feel sad when I have everything I ever wanted…I guess the lack of sleep dosen’t help.

My milk has come in and my breasts are engorged and soar and I have a crazy letdown, they were spraying all over the shower haa. They hurt, I am hand expressing milk to take the pressure off cause E can’t or wont’ eat enough to keep up.

Speaking of feeding, breastfeeding is going rough…it makes me sad. See above. She won’t freaking latch without a fight, and cries and freaks out everytime I try to latch her.sometimes I get her when she is sleepy and she will get tricked on, that’s just it, she can latch, she had a great latch before everything went haywire in the hospital and I was forced to suppliment with formula. She was fed from a bottle 2x and then from a dropper after that until my milk came in yesterday and supplimentation was no longer needed. During that short period she has decided she does not like my breast anymore and will just stay on the boob with her mouth open and get pissed off when nothing squirts into her mouth…We had a public health nurse here today who helped to get her latched with persistance and trickery and confimed there is nothing wrong with her latch, or my supply, it`s that she has learned that quickly that she can get full with no work and dosen`t want to work for it anymore…all we can do is stay with it cause she will take the boob with enough time and effort, gotta get her when she`s sleepy and then dosen`t think about what she is going.

She just wants to sleep all day…I am supposed to feed her every 3 hours to get supply regulated and get her back up to her birth weight, but she dosen`t want to..I wake her by changing her diaper then calm her and when calm try and latch her but she turns away and get`s pissed at me when I persist. I refuse to feed this child my milk from a damn bottle when I know she can latch, she did last night, had 2 nice mutard poop diapers today, so I know she is getting my milk, she is just stubborn and I have to be to.

It`s all way to hard on the head.

She is sooo much smaller then I foresaw, she barely fits in Newborn clothes, so 3 quarters of her clothes don`t come close to fitting, good thing she dosen`t have of a social life and can chill in her diaper and a blankie. This also means majority of her diapers don`t fit since she wears an XS, and some XS are to big for her especially in the legs. She is tiny.

She farts louder then her daddy and had a poop explosion on him last night.

She is a pretty mellow baby so far expect for this feeding issue she is pretty much quiet.

I am freaking out over every little thing, of course. I am a paranoid, weepy, stressed and tiered new mom. I know, welcome to parenthood.

I hurt one of my stitches last night, it started bleeding and now it`s excruciating to pee. I am making up a comfrey and calendula soak as we speak to soak my perinium.

I have faith things will get better with time and persistance. I just need the serenity to get to that point through this breast feeding fight, get on a new schedule, learn to really actually sleep again and get my hormones regulated.

That is all for now. Maybe tonight if I have some downtime I will write more about her birth and the stress and bullshit we faced during our horrible 4 day hospital stay.

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About mommamaynard

β€œLife is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance you must keep moving.” β€” Albert Einstein. When it feels like your world has been shattered, and you have reached rock bottom, you must make a choice: Stay where you are and fade away, or keep moving forward. Thankfully I chose to move forward and was blessed with the two most wonderful children after the death of my first in early labor. Things are looking up.

Posted on January 29, 2010, in Uncategorized and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink. 12 Comments.

  1. Hey, have you guys nursed side-lying yet? Some people don’t with newborns, but I did with mine and it was a lifesaver. I just slept away while the baby nursed any time they wanted. In those early days I did have to wake up for a minute to help with the positioning and latch, but you sleep so lightly in the newborn days, you’ll wake up at their slightly movement or sound.

  2. After Caspian was born, I had a freakout like that. I worried over every little thing, the one that has always stuck in my mind is when I had a little anxiety attack over the fact that something didn’t fit him and and and we were going to go broke because he was going to need new clothes? It was after that little episode that I knew something was totally not right. My midwife group had a therapist, and she said it was post-partum depression, because that’s supposed to happen at about two weeks, and this happened after a few days. They gave me some herbal tincture stuff to stop me from stressing out so much, and then I was much much better. A big part of that was also probably having my MIL come and stay for awhile, and she made me take naps.

  3. *hugs* stick with the breastfeeding as long as you can stand it. Make sure you have the nipple cream and are applying it religiously
    She’ll catch on. Sometimes too, they sense our pain or nervousness and they react to that too.
    I know it’s impossible, but try and sleep at least 6 hours (no straight of course) our nurse said if you get less than 6 total hours sleep, the baby blues get worse and things get harder to deal with.
    I am day 10 and just 2 short days ago my boobs hurt less, less engorgement, and he’s sleeping at night now and just waking up to feed. So it gets better. Hang in there!

  4. It so refreshing to hear a new Mom tell the truth, instead of telling us how wonderful and blissful and miraculous little babies are. I KNOW you love her and adore her, but it’s good to hear that it’s hard work, and that you feel terrible and tired and unable to think straight. I am so relieved to know that Moms do have those moments of “oh man what have I gotten myself into!” I am uber afraid of PPD when my time comes, and haven’t gotten a lot of honest answers form moms when I ask how hard it truly is.
    I keep hearing over and over from all my mom friends that BF is a painful thing to get used to. It seems like such a natural thing for mom and baby and yet is is so complicated and painful!! I know it’s worth it for baby health and mama bonding, but wowza, it’s HARD work!!
    Keep waking up and showering and dressing and changing diapers and feeding baby and doing what ever you need to do to get through the day.
    We’re cheering for you! GO MAMA!!!!

  5. by the way, those clothes are only going to be too big on her for like 2 weeks. πŸ™‚ trust me on that one..

  6. lol. this post really takes me back to lily’s newborn days.
    I had a bad case of the baby blues too. I swear, all it is is the lack of sleep. try not to do depressing things, like watch chick flicks, listen to slow sad music, etc. make sure you eat only healthy things that give you energy. Those things help a lot, but i’m sure you’ve been told this stuff by 4387652845 people by now lol.
    regarding breastfeeding, I supplemented on formula for a few days because her pediatrician told us her jaundice levels are too high. after that she didnt want boobs, so a nurse at the hospital we had her at told me that if she gets hungry enough, she’ll go back in a second. sure enough, we only missed on feeding and at the next one she was super eager.
    I’m going to FINALLY ship those clothes i have set aside for her in about two weeks when I get my tax refund, so soon you’ll have some more baby clothes lol. I threw in some larger sizes too. If you need more, let me know. what I’m sending you hardly made a dent in what I have lol.
    She’s so amazing. πŸ™‚ I’m so happy for you and Dave. Congratulations again.

  7. Exactly what Ioana said and Maria (and everyone else!)! PP is HARD. Like ZOMG WHAT THE HELL WAS I THINKING hard. And that is OK. Be patient, be the stubborn mama you have to be to get her to work at bf again (and she will… If you do not cave, she will forget about the ohsoeasy bottle). Know that breastfeeding is tough for a lot of us, even without the
    too early (and not your fault) bottle! Rems was lazy, too, in that tired way. And pumping ups your supply and causes over engorgement. 😦 it’ll get better, tho! And it’s worth it!
    Meanwhile read kellymom.com and ask for help — locally, if you can.
    YOU ARE DOING AMAZING, JAIME!!!!!!!!!

  8. Just weighing in with a bit more support. It can be so hard for any new mom, and I imagine just how hard it must be for you right now – all the emotions, a long birth, fatigue, memories, the hospital… it really is a lot to deal with! I’m not sure if you have the option, but have you considered a postpartum doula? I know that financially it’s not really an option, but maybe there *is* someone locally who will volunteer (new doulas often will for the experience). She can help with the breastfeeding and just help you process some of this stuff you’re going through. I know you’re stubborn, and I think that’s great (it’s huge in breastfeeding success – I was stubborn for six weeks with my first and then nursed well past 2 years, in the end). You’ll get there though, honey. Be gentle to yourself, and don’t be afraid to ask for help. I wish I could do more…
    I’m here if you ever want to talk. I know you don’t know me well, and I haven’t been through what you’ve been through, but I have been through postpartum hell, so let me know if I can help.

  9. Yes it will get easier.. Maria helped me like crazy the first 1-4 weeks, I had so many questions because I was so afraid! It’s terrifying not knowing you’re doing anything right! But keep holding on.. *hugs*

  10. The baby blues are rough – I thought I was going crazy, too. The horrible pain, hospital bullshit, then actually taking a baby home alive!! And then adjusting to life with her and caring for her… I remember. Its crazy-making after stillbirth or not! You will get through this. You are doing it, you are a great mama, you have a wonderful husband and beautiful daughter…the hormones pass πŸ™‚ what I did when I felt extra-crazy was repeat: holy crap! Its the hormones, its the hormones… And I’d eat some chocolate cake while nursing Sofia πŸ™‚
    Breastfeeding will get easier, I promise. Both of you are still learning, together, and it takes time and patience. You be her stubborn mama and she will eventually catch on that being less lazy is better because it means mama milk and nursing-cuddles πŸ˜› good latch, good supply – you’ve got good stuff on your side! You are doing great. It will get better and it will get easier.
    I love you, Jaime. I’m here to talk or text if you need, whenever. These first weeks are insane, but you’ll enjoy the sweet quietness of them too. It goes by way too fast. When you’re up to it, wed all looove more pics if you’d indulge us πŸ˜‰
    Xoxoxoxoxo

  11. I’m not sure if this will help, but every single thing you have written is spot on. Latch. No latch. Too much milk. Too little milk. Too strong letdown. etc etc. It’s totally, totally totally normal. Have patience and believe me, things will regulate themselves, your boobs will make just enough milk, baby will drink what she needs.. it’s all in how many wet diapers she has (at least 6 full diapers per day I believe). If she does that, you’re both doing GrEAT.
    Of course you’re feeling overwhelmed. It’s overwhelming for any mom, but for you especially since it was so hard to get here.. try not to worry about it, we’re here to help you if you have questions. Try just to sleep and take care of yourself, that’s all your job right now. Sleep, eat, shower twice a week :), and take care of that baby. NOTHING else. Let everybody help you if you can.
    She will definitely go back to be a pro at the breast, things change so fast at this stage.. they have short memories.
    hugs

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