Thanks so much everyone
I got so many offers of support from my last post. I have so little spare time to reply, though I want to, so for now I will post this and direct it to everyone.
It’s amazing what a differance 24 hours can make. She is latching every single time now, no fight, props to the community health nurse who came and offered me advice, it worked, the breast compression which force a spray into her mouth right off catching her attention and making her want to keep eating. Because she is latching a whole load of stressors are now gone, no more engorgement, my chest feel’s normal again, no more anxieties that her jaundice will get worse or she won’t regain enough weight by tuesday’s well baby appointment, she is eating alot every 3 hours so now I know she is getting enough nourishment. When she falls asleep at the breast I see the milk pour out of the corner of her mouth haha and along with the mustard diapers 6-7 times a day, there is no doubt she is getting plenty of milk.
Last night was manageable, sleep 3 hours, up for a one hour feeding, sleep for 3, up for 1 ect…at 7am we went back to sleep and woke up at 11am feeling refreshed, and I managed to grab a shower before her next nursing and it felt great. I think the hormones are evening out, I cried much less today. I did cry on her head when I started thinking about the fact that she, this tiny perfect creature in my arms was the same baby kicking me from inside and then I gave birth to her..crazy. I sang "Your just to good to be true" to her and started bawling.
I NEVER want to put her down, I want her to be in someone’s arms at all times, seriously, it might be neurotic..I have a basinette by my bed for her but she hasen’t slept in it yet cause I wont put her down, she spent the last two nights in my arms. Don’t worry the neurotisism covers all, I make sure there are no blankets anywere near her head and that she is not on her stomach. I petrified of SIDS and so figure if she’s never laid down alone then it can’t happen, but it’s kinda all consuming…I mean don’t get me wrong, I love sleeping with her in my arms, but I am not sure if it’s a good long term solution and if not that should I be getting her into that habit. The public health nurse who was here yesterday said she would safest in the basinette on her back, so I tried to put her in there last night but she kept waking up crying, I think it was to cold her, she is used to being against my body and warm, she sleeps so soundly against my chest and I love her there oh so much, it makes me feel so happy and good that I know she is safe in my arms and I will shield her..What to do?
Anyways, I am happy, it’s been a rollercoaster already, but she is so wonderful and now that nursing is on again, I feel soooo fullfiled and content.