This and that.

Getting much better at dealing with her nightime fussiness, most nights are bearable, last night she only fussed two hours, as long as I keep her at the boob as often as possible through that period, she maintains her composure, as do I . I think she is going through a super-mega growth spurt right now though, she is always on the breast.

I can’t believe she will be one month old on Sunday, crazy.

She is all snuggled tight in my homemade Moby wrap right now. She seems content. I worry she is getting her first cold, she started coughing yesterday and now sounds a bit congested, no fever though I checked. She is fussier then usual today, but that could be the growth spurt.
Bad timing to get sick if she is, Saturday is her celebration of life party with all my relatives. This will be her first weekend away from home, however, we will have my mom’s apartment all to ourselves, so if she is fussy late at night I won’t have to worry about disturbing anyone.

I have been Miss moody overall though, don’t know if it’s just adapting to the broken sleep, hormones or what, but feeling just down alot, and it sucks cause I really thought I would feel elated, I guess it’s just adapting to all the changes. I am totally in love with her, taking her picture constantly, but I just don’t feel like me yet….

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About mommamaynard

“Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance you must keep moving.” — Albert Einstein. When it feels like your world has been shattered, and you have reached rock bottom, you must make a choice: Stay where you are and fade away, or keep moving forward. Thankfully I chose to move forward and was blessed with the two most wonderful children after the death of my first in early labor. Things are looking up.

Posted on February 18, 2010, in Uncategorized and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink. 10 Comments.

  1. Yeah, I’m with the others who said that it sounds normal but to keep an eye on it. If it doesn’t get better… and /especially/ if it feels like you’re getting worse, definitely talk to someone about it. I think loss moms are all the more likely to suffer because we have trouble (or at least, I did) separating the real, living baby from the one we mourned for so long.
    All that aside, the best advice I have is to TRY to do something for yourself whenever you can. Once a week, or whatever. Something new, or something you used to do before E. was born. That will go a long way towards making you feel like yourself again. I know it sounds overwhelming to try to add one MORE thing into your already exhausting schedule… but it will help a lot, I promise.
    *hugs*

  2. And also yay for the wrap!! And I hope she’s not getting sick! That was one blessing of a late spring child, no one was really passing colds to him at that point! (Tho we did have a bout of gastro ick that he thankfully did not get!)

  3. I’m gonna walk the line on this one and say: I think it both sounds very normal to me but also might be the beginnings of PPD and keep your eyes open for that (or really Dave or a close IRL friend should).
    That sense of self shifting? TOTALLY. And I think mamas our age (30s and up, maybe even mid 20s) get that stronger than younger moms (it’s been my experience at least). We’ve had more adult time on our own, it’s more jarring having that immediate shift to “MOTHER.” I think I felt more like myself by six weeks (and then really like I was a Real Person again when Rems was @2.5 or 3.)

    • Thanks Lexi, I will deff pay attention to the mood shift, and I hope Dave would notice. I think I am exhausted, and we have company so that can be overwhelming..
      It’s hard to know what is normal and what is not. I know parenting is much harder then I expected, no one told me my heart would break and soul feel like it will shatter when my baby screams inconsolably, it’s such a deep bond that I hurt when she is upset and it upsets me so deeply..but I really feel I am getting the hang of her. I hope. I know I have lessened anxiety over some things I was super anxious of at first, ( having her out of eye sight ever, SIDS) and I have new anxiety’s over things I didn’t think I would have (traveling alone with her, like taking the bus somewhere or god forbid driving with her alone, seems so overwhelming) and now Vaccines, OMG I had no idea how anxious that topic would make me, thinking about her 2 month shots, afraid of getting them, afraid of not getting them…
      Parenting is like woah!!

  4. Hi there. I think what you’re describing is totally normal. It’s what I went through too, and many other moms. Actually I don’t know any new mother that didn’t go through a period of adjustment and moodiness. Of course, I mean think about what we are going/went through. A huge life change. So I think you’re doing just great, I don’t see any PPD issue at all, just normal struggle… pinch those cute cheeks for me!!

    • Cool, thanks for the .2 cents, that is how I feel as well, it’s all so whoah huge to be a mother of a real living child who relies on me for everything…I am her only source of comfort, nourishment, safety ect..it’s crazy, that with limited sleep I think I expected to feel so overwhelmed.

  5. I hope she’s not getting sick 😦 She’s got a party to go to!
    Be on the watch with the moods to watch for PPD. It can sneak up on you. My doc said that the baby blues should only last 2 weeks, beyond that, she wants to hear about it.
    I had many friends go through PPD (very mild cases) where for months they just felt down until they got some meds to help their system get back up to par.
    Anyhoo, I’m glad the fussiness is becoming more manageable. You should post pics of your homemade Moby! I’m curious to see how it turned out

    • Ok pictures to come.
      Don’t worry, if I still feel this way at my 6 weeks appointment in 2 weeks I will mention it to Doc and see what she thinks.

      • Yeah, I think my doc is extra on the look out because of the same reason that the other poster down there mentioned, that us loss mamas are probably more at risk. I think the only post partum depression I knew about before my friends went through it was the psycho cases that want to kill their babies, when in reality, PPD can just be a ‘down’ feeling that lasts for months and certainly shear exhaustion adds to it. And sometimes the hormones just don’t rebound.
        Anyways, I hope I didn’t offend you. I guess it was just something that stuck out in my head that my doc said and that I myself am trying to keep ‘checking’ in on myself to see how I am doing and whatnot.

  6. Wow, a month already! Congrats!
    And I bet it is QUITE the adjustment…from grief to anxiety to exhausted joy. I can only imagine the daily roller coaster.
    I hope you’re at least giving yourself some slack and not feeling guilty about feeling moody / down. Feeling down is bad enough without tossing on the guilt about it. What a spiral.
    I hope she’s not getting sick. 😦 But nursing will definitely help keep the worst of the beasties away.

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