Anxiety and motherhood
Ok I had a really really really bad
Past few days and after a big yelling match with Dave at 3am I have spent all day thinking obsessively and crying I am even crying right now in a dark room cause I have been trying to sleep for an hour and a half and can’t. I think I do have post partum depression and the super anxiety I had post partum with Evan is back full force. I do think alot of the depression is situational but it’s getting worse and harder to manage and the anxiety is not situational it comes on for no reason. I am also finding it harder and harder to really truly bond with the baby as I feel so flat sad or anxious alot of the time. I know people say the first three months are hardest all I keep thinking is I can’t handle this. I feel like she is super super fussy and hard to manage then I realize she is not really and Its just me who can’t deal. Dave agrees. I am super super super super freaking depressed over this cause I like a weak person and horrible mama. I have almost everything I ever wanted (not Evan which is huge) and I am feeling almost as depressed as I did after Evan died, which makes me wonder if I didn’t have Ppd with and no one knew cause I was supposed to be sad. I don’t want to feel so sad I want to enjoy my daughter I hate all of this so much what is wrong with me. Ok she’s awAke.
Posted via LiveJournal.app.