OMG Stress-AKA It’s good to be home

I don’t know why I even bother doing the road trip to Moncton. In theory it’s because I have a very large family and I want Evangeline to know them, I want them to know her, I want help with child rearing, I want these women who have raised multiple children each to hold my baby and give me a quick break to, say, take a bubble bath and not rush through it.

Evangeline doesn’t want the same as me, at least at this stage of her life. She hates change, any of it, the grocery store is too much change for her, and she will put up with it for an average of 20 minutes, so fast, fast shopping. Anyways, she doesn’t like being away from home,(I know most kids don’t), she doesn’t like strangers and won’t let them hold her, she dosen’t like being shuffled around.
She would not nap the whole trip, which means she slept really well at night (bonus) and in the morning, both trips there and back (huzzah)  but was a grouch all day while visiting family (bummer) she deals with strangers holding her for about 15  minutes before melting down, so at least they got that, and some people got smiles and giggles from her, so it’s not all bad.  As I said in my last post, people got first hand demonstrations of the power of the temper of Miss Evangeline, woah! She scared several of my family members who kept asking me if I was sure she wasn’t sick or in pain, nope, I used to think that to, but she just yells loudly when mad and turns red, then stops as soon as she get’s what she want’s (me and boob, as often as 20 times a day, she is a boob-aholic,) I nursed in front of every single member of my family I swear, I would fill her right up just before going visiting, so she would be able to be ok for 2-3 hours, nope, not when she is a comfort nurser and uncomfortable with strangers.

Which leads to rant part 2…
So fucking tiered of everybody telling me I am spoiling her, I have to let her cry so she get’s used to other people besides me. I could have killed them. I wont even get into what they think about me co-sleeping. A 3 month old baby cannot manipulate it’s mother. My grandfather even had the gall to say he raised 7 kids and knows more then I do about child-rearing. He then looked at my Aunt next to me and said she would cry in her crib for up to 6 hours at night. (Nice, sounds healthy to me) My family is pro-breastfeeding, to a point, they understand it’s best and fully support feeding that way, but don’t support comfort nursing.  My aunt who breastfed 3 kids, every 3 hours min, said she never had this problem with them being constantly attached and thinks I am promoting it by putting her to breast every time she is upset. I explained that I try many other things first, but ultimately boob is the only thing that will calm her, and I just want her calm. My mom kept saying " I can’t believe she is eating again" "We started babies on cereal at 3 months to keep them full longer and you and your brother are fine", Mom’s boyfriend was drinking one night and even said to me "Is that baby sucking on your tit again? Does she ever stop?" and then how his ex wife only breastfed for 3 months because she couldn’t stand the lack of freedom. I rebuttaled that she had had children for the wrong reason if she didn’t want to feel tied down by them. HELLO. If you want to keep living like you were before you had kids, don’t have kids, they change your life. 

My mom said to me today that she can’t believe how high need Evangeline is, she was exhausted just watching me and feels bad that she can’t help me out more. At least that was thoughtful. She then told me Evangeline got my temper, that when I was a baby I would scream like that as well and never ever went to bed peacefully. I think that by letting me cry it out,  it led to my depression and anger, I have always felt resentment toward my mother, for things she actually did to me in my life, but more then that, and I believe it’s that she never met my needs ever, even as an infant. Then on the flipside, I believe she did what she thought was best, at 18, with guidance from her doctor.

Bottom line is yes, I am overwhelmed, yes she is high needs and very sensitive, but she is healthy and happy and I am parenting by intuition and that is the best I can do,  she will get more independent with age and less clingy (I hope) but right now she is a tiny baby and needs me. I will love her fiercely as best I can and when she is ready to be apart from me for a bit, then I will have some me time. Bottom line is I had 32 years of me time and she is alive and she is in my arms, and I know all to well how easily things can be complete opposite of that, so I will suck it up, tell them to shut it up, and do what I have to do, including bitch and complain from time to time, then feel bad, cause she is the greatest blessing.

Dave and I have been tense, lots of fighting. Having a high need’s baby is also hard on the marriage.  He doesn’t understand how very bone tiered I am, why I have no energy to do anything but nurse really, why I am home all day but can’t clean or cook most days, at least not thoroughly, why I won’t have sex with him (when? how? please tell me? yes you cyber folks, how?) when she falls asleep at night, all I want to do is climb into bed next to her and pass out, not make hot whoppie, damn. I laughed when Wanda Sykes said on Ellen that if her wife ever caught her in another women’s bed, no worries, she would just be napping LOL. I wish he could understand that it will get better, and in logic he does, but he is tense and short and rude and I always just resent him for making me more stressed out..I am working on it, one day at a time, he is a really good husband and partner and I do want him to be happy, but I am just…gah!!

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About mommamaynard

β€œLife is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance you must keep moving.” β€” Albert Einstein. When it feels like your world has been shattered, and you have reached rock bottom, you must make a choice: Stay where you are and fade away, or keep moving forward. Thankfully I chose to move forward and was blessed with the two most wonderful children after the death of my first in early labor. Things are looking up.

Posted on April 30, 2010, in Uncategorized and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 18 Comments.

  1. Oh gosh. *hugs* You know what they say about opinions… Also, this?
    Mom’s boyfriend was drinking one night and even said to me “Is that baby sucking on your tit again? Does she ever stop?” – this is really gross and unnecessary language being used to reference a natural, healthy act. Really really gross. I would have had some choice words for him, to be sure.

    I know it doesn’t seem like it, but I promise it will get better! Abi, in the beginning, was not very good with strangers/new situations, and people would get offended, but I wasn’t about to push her into any situation with which she wasn’t comfortable. If anyone had a problem with that, too bad. She is a bit better now, more independent. Kids just go through phases sometimes. I also comfort nursed both of my kids. It doesn’t hurt them or spoil them. Do try to find time for yourself when and if at all possible though. Your life does change when you have children, but you have to remember not to lose yourself. I don’t know if that makes any sense. I just mean, you still need to find time to do things you love. Obviously that will become easier as Evangeline gets older and more into a regular routine, and right now it is easier said than done, but it’s absolutely necessary for Mommy Sanity!

    Anyhow, just remember to take care of yourself as well as your wee one. You’re important too! πŸ™‚

  2. Oh gosh. *hugs* You know what they say about opinions… Also, this?
    Mom’s boyfriend was drinking one night and even said to me “Is that baby sucking on your tit again? Does she ever stop?” – this is really gross and unnecessary language being used to reference a natural, healthy act. Really really gross. I would have had some choice words for him, to be sure.
    I know it doesn’t seem like it, but I promise it will get better! Abi, in the beginning, was not very good with strangers/new situations, and people would get offended, but I wasn’t about to push her into any situation with which she wasn’t comfortable. If anyone had a problem with that, too bad. She is a bit better now, more independent. Kids just go through phases sometimes. I also comfort nursed both of my kids. It doesn’t hurt them or spoil them. Do try to find time for yourself when and if at all possible though. Your life does change when you have children, but you have to remember not to lose yourself. I don’t know if that makes any sense. I just mean, you still need to find time to do things you love. Obviously that will become easier as Evangeline gets older and more into a regular routine, and right now it is easier said than done, but it’s absolutely necessary for Mommy Sanity!
    Anyhow, just remember to take care of yourself as well as your wee one. You’re important too! πŸ™‚

    • Oh so much easier said then done, though I hope it does get easier with age. I can’t seperate myself at all right now unless she is sleeping, she screams with everyone, even her dad. The sleeping thing is even hit or miss, she dosen’t sleep well if I am not beside her the majority of the time. I nurse her to sleep, then put her down and she wakes up, wash, rinse, repeat. Sometimes she get’s tiered enough and stays asleep in her chair, othertimes I give in and let her sleep on my lap on the boppy..but that causes fights with Dave and I cause he says she will never be able to sleep not touching me, and my gutt tells me he is right, cause it’s getting worse, but I just want her to be happy all the time..then I think I will never be intamate with my husband again if the only time we can is when baby is sleeping and she won’t sleep without me. Parenthod is sure tough, never knowing the right thing to do.

    • Oh so much easier said then done, though I hope it does get easier with age. I can’t seperate myself at all right now unless she is sleeping, she screams with everyone, even her dad. The sleeping thing is even hit or miss, she dosen’t sleep well if I am not beside her the majority of the time. I nurse her to sleep, then put her down and she wakes up, wash, rinse, repeat. Sometimes she get’s tiered enough and stays asleep in her chair, othertimes I give in and let her sleep on my lap on the boppy..but that causes fights with Dave and I cause he says she will never be able to sleep not touching me, and my gutt tells me he is right, cause it’s getting worse, but I just want her to be happy all the time..then I think I will never be intamate with my husband again if the only time we can is when baby is sleeping and she won’t sleep without me. Parenthod is sure tough, never knowing the right thing to do.

  3. High needs babies can go on to be normal toddlers, but Caspian went on to be a very clingy toddler. And preschooler. And… who knows what happens from there. He’s just very very a mama’s kid. I’m like his extra limb he can’t live without.
    When Caspian was a baby and we lived in a small one bedroom apartment, we had sex in whatever half of the apartment Caspian wasn’t sleeping in. Since he didn’t sleep alone practically ever in the first couple months, sex was rare. Then I was sometimes able to slooooowly sneak away while he was asleep, inch by inch scooting away from him and putting my arm back on his torso if he stirred, until I was finally out of the bed and FREE! Then Plato and I, if we had the energy, could have sex on the floor. Haha. Our couch was small and there were no other beds, so the floor was it!
    But other than sex, just spending time together while the baby slept was VERY important to our marriage. Even if we just sat next to eachother and watched a show. If I went to sleep with the baby and never spent adults-only time with Plato, we got very stressed. You have to find time for all members of your family. Dave might get a small fraction of all your time, but he still needs that. Tell him to forget the cleaning, if he wants something from you, you can share relaxation time. Good compromise, when you can only spare about an hour a day if you are lucky enough to sneak away from a baby who cries if they can’t sense you nearby!

  4. High needs babies can go on to be normal toddlers, but Caspian went on to be a very clingy toddler. And preschooler. And… who knows what happens from there. He’s just very very a mama’s kid. I’m like his extra limb he can’t live without.
    When Caspian was a baby and we lived in a small one bedroom apartment, we had sex in whatever half of the apartment Caspian wasn’t sleeping in. Since he didn’t sleep alone practically ever in the first couple months, sex was rare. Then I was sometimes able to slooooowly sneak away while he was asleep, inch by inch scooting away from him and putting my arm back on his torso if he stirred, until I was finally out of the bed and FREE! Then Plato and I, if we had the energy, could have sex on the floor. Haha. Our couch was small and there were no other beds, so the floor was it!
    But other than sex, just spending time together while the baby slept was VERY important to our marriage. Even if we just sat next to eachother and watched a show. If I went to sleep with the baby and never spent adults-only time with Plato, we got very stressed. You have to find time for all members of your family. Dave might get a small fraction of all your time, but he still needs that. Tell him to forget the cleaning, if he wants something from you, you can share relaxation time. Good compromise, when you can only spare about an hour a day if you are lucky enough to sneak away from a baby who cries if they can’t sense you nearby!

  5. and I think most men would put sex before sleep. They think it should be that way. Not me though. Sleep, me time and THEN sex.

    Peter and I are the sameee way. Especially when I was breastfeeding more too. I want my body to MYSELF sometimes too.

  6. and I think most men would put sex before sleep. They think it should be that way. Not me though. Sleep, me time and THEN sex.
    Peter and I are the sameee way. Especially when I was breastfeeding more too. I want my body to MYSELF sometimes too.

    • I so so want my body to myself sometimes, oy. Why oh why are women and men wired so differently, I have 0 interest in sex, I would be faking it for him.

    • I so so want my body to myself sometimes, oy. Why oh why are women and men wired so differently, I have 0 interest in sex, I would be faking it for him.

  7. oh my goodness. You poor girl. I am so sorry they talked down to you so much. YOU KNOW what you are doing and are doing a wonderful job. Evangeline will thank you when she is older. ::Hugs::

  8. oh my goodness. You poor girl. I am so sorry they talked down to you so much. YOU KNOW what you are doing and are doing a wonderful job. Evangeline will thank you when she is older. ::Hugs::

  9. i always made time for sex. lol. id regret it later when i had like 3 hours of sleep over a two day period. and i also didnt have that many chances because mike wasnt around that much.

  10. i always made time for sex. lol. id regret it later when i had like 3 hours of sleep over a two day period. and i also didnt have that many chances because mike wasnt around that much.

  11. having family tell you to let your kid scream and cry is annoying. everyone that’s had a child always knows better than you when you’re a new mom, isn’t that fun? Augh.
    Bottom line is every child is different. They are all going to act in different ways. Some respond better to new things and new people than others. My aunt used to get REALLY snarky with me because my cousin’s son (who is like 17 days older than lily) was a happy gurgly laughing baby and lily was always fussy. it drove me nuts. ignore them, and raise your baby the way you feel comfortable doing so.

  12. having family tell you to let your kid scream and cry is annoying. everyone that’s had a child always knows better than you when you’re a new mom, isn’t that fun? Augh.
    Bottom line is every child is different. They are all going to act in different ways. Some respond better to new things and new people than others. My aunt used to get REALLY snarky with me because my cousin’s son (who is like 17 days older than lily) was a happy gurgly laughing baby and lily was always fussy. it drove me nuts. ignore them, and raise your baby the way you feel comfortable doing so.

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