Mean Things..

I try not blog re: hubby frustrations cause he is a good partner. Sometimes though I just have to dump.

Mean things said last night…

Evangeline was fussing while I left her with Dave to get showered, it was obvious to me she was pissed because she didn’t want to sit and watch TV,  I said she is bored, take her outside on the deck…So he did and it worked.  After my shower I went outside to join them and bring my diapers in off the line, he asked if I could take the baby back so he could finish his movie. I said
‘It’s hard on me that I can’t leave her with you for more then 10 minutes without a meltdown."

His response: "You made her that way"…

Felt like a punch to the gut. I made her attached to me? I am the only one home with her all day, I am the only one with breasts, she associates me with comfort..not because I am fostering unhealthy dependence in her. I said he should join my mother in the anti-how I am raising my kid parade, the two of them can promote crying it out and bottle feeding together then. No…well then suck it up, this is who she is, I did not make her this way.

He did apologize after the fact but I was still so hurt. If he want’s his child to be more comfortable around him, he needs to turn off the TV and take her for long walks and talk to her about trees and leaves and cars, he needs to hold her more not in front of the TV. Sorry to say but it’s true, even on his days off she is with me all day unless I ask him to hold her. I don’t mind, cause I know he works physically hard and just wants his feet up but don’t blame me when she is more attached to me. She is 5 months old and can’t be expected to sit in front of a TV all day.

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About mommamaynard

β€œLife is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance you must keep moving.” β€” Albert Einstein. When it feels like your world has been shattered, and you have reached rock bottom, you must make a choice: Stay where you are and fade away, or keep moving forward. Thankfully I chose to move forward and was blessed with the two most wonderful children after the death of my first in early labor. Things are looking up.

Posted on June 14, 2010, in Uncategorized and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink. 16 Comments.

  1. My husband said something to that affect about a month ago ‘he doesn’t want me, he wants you because you hold him all the time’ sort of thing.

    So I backed off. Ultimately we fall into the traditional roles. I haven’t worked up the kahones to leave the kids with him yet, but have left them with my MIL, my mother, and my SIL and they all did fine. DH used to give him a bottle of expressed milk before bed, then he was working all the time so I did it, just to keep him in the habit of the bottle. But now, he won’t eat the bottle from Dh and it turns into this crying testing of wits comp. So then I just take the baby and feed him the bottle.

    bonding is important….I just am not at the point where I’m willing to let go because I know he will let him cry more than I ever would.

    Guys are much better when the kids get a little older. When I give Dh options on which one he wants to take, he always picks my older son to spend time with.

  2. My husband said something to that affect about a month ago ‘he doesn’t want me, he wants you because you hold him all the time’ sort of thing.
    So I backed off. Ultimately we fall into the traditional roles. I haven’t worked up the kahones to leave the kids with him yet, but have left them with my MIL, my mother, and my SIL and they all did fine. DH used to give him a bottle of expressed milk before bed, then he was working all the time so I did it, just to keep him in the habit of the bottle. But now, he won’t eat the bottle from Dh and it turns into this crying testing of wits comp. So then I just take the baby and feed him the bottle.
    bonding is important….I just am not at the point where I’m willing to let go because I know he will let him cry more than I ever would.
    Guys are much better when the kids get a little older. When I give Dh options on which one he wants to take, he always picks my older son to spend time with.

  3. i would suggest you leave him with her. have a time of week, even if it’s only for 30-60 minutes to start, when she is nursed up, slept up and happy, and go OUT. even if it’s just walking around a store, grabbing a coffee, whatever. it will force him to interact, and be on 100% b/c you aren’t there. It will be good for her too, b/c 5 months is big enough that leaving for just a tiny bit of time here and there isn’t bad for attachement.

    Eli is all over me when I’m home. He doesn’t always want to go to keith or prefers me etc. but if i’m not around, he’s totally fine, absolutely. just me being in the same room makes him FEEL like he needs me and only me, and taking that option away forces him (in a good way) to connect with Keith.

  4. i would suggest you leave him with her. have a time of week, even if it’s only for 30-60 minutes to start, when she is nursed up, slept up and happy, and go OUT. even if it’s just walking around a store, grabbing a coffee, whatever. it will force him to interact, and be on 100% b/c you aren’t there. It will be good for her too, b/c 5 months is big enough that leaving for just a tiny bit of time here and there isn’t bad for attachement.
    Eli is all over me when I’m home. He doesn’t always want to go to keith or prefers me etc. but if i’m not around, he’s totally fine, absolutely. just me being in the same room makes him FEEL like he needs me and only me, and taking that option away forces him (in a good way) to connect with Keith.

  5. I’m horrible, but after 3 children…I have no patience with men that say that stuff. After he does relax from work, because we do know working is hard (they just dont understand being a STHM is work too) and so we want to be that loving wife….sometimes. Give her over to him. Have him hold her, and such. You need a few minutes to yourself. When he complains, well…you don’t want her to be just attached to mommy, but daddy, too. πŸ˜‰

    My first one was like she was attached to the hip. Second and third one, I learned to let the daddy do some of the work.

  6. I’m horrible, but after 3 children…I have no patience with men that say that stuff. After he does relax from work, because we do know working is hard (they just dont understand being a STHM is work too) and so we want to be that loving wife….sometimes. Give her over to him. Have him hold her, and such. You need a few minutes to yourself. When he complains, well…you don’t want her to be just attached to mommy, but daddy, too. πŸ˜‰
    My first one was like she was attached to the hip. Second and third one, I learned to let the daddy do some of the work.

  7. As time goes on she’ll get used to him, but as you said you’re with her all day so she can’t help it.

  8. As time goes on she’ll get used to him, but as you said you’re with her all day so she can’t help it.

  9. I’m on baby #2 and I very much relate. It was like that with #1 and now with #2. I’m a SAHM/WAHM and both my girls are VERY attached to me and it seems when hubby is home all her wants to do is sit with his feet up and watch TV.

    When I put him “in charge” of the girls, I’m always here as back up… so if he needs help, I take over. But when I’m “in charge” of the kids, I’m alone with them and get no back up if there’s a problem.

    It makes for very very long days.

    Sorry, I think I needed a little vent too. :/

    Anyway… I understand

  10. I’m on baby #2 and I very much relate. It was like that with #1 and now with #2. I’m a SAHM/WAHM and both my girls are VERY attached to me and it seems when hubby is home all her wants to do is sit with his feet up and watch TV.
    When I put him “in charge” of the girls, I’m always here as back up… so if he needs help, I take over. But when I’m “in charge” of the kids, I’m alone with them and get no back up if there’s a problem.
    It makes for very very long days.
    Sorry, I think I needed a little vent too. :/
    Anyway… I understand

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