First time parenting

Now that were nearing the halfway point of Miss Evangelines first year I have been doing alot of reflecting on the past 6 months and parenting in general. I know now a few things for sure:

– I learned a load about myself as a mom and alot of things surprised me with how I reacted, both good and bad. I handled life with a fussy baby and the entire lifestyle change overall much much worse then I expected in the first 8 weeks.

-Having a living baby after stillbirth is a huge blessing that made me appreciate her all the more. It also however was way way more difficult then parenting Evan would have been cause I was a more laid back and relaxed person then. The overwhelming anxiety and sadness that enveloped me after Evans death didn’t just magically disappear when Evangeline made it home. Instead it made the early days all the more difficult as I loved her and cried over her brother all at once. I honestly think I would have handled colic better if I hadn’t had an anxiety disorder as a result of Satara and Evans death.

– I have a long grocery list of things I would both repeat and change with next bebe now that I have some experience under my belt.

-Babies can and do change their temperament after the magical 3 month mark. The baby that was unhappy all the time and cried all day for 8 weeks is now the happiest little baby on the block. She has come leaps and bounds.

-All my prior experience with babies before this had been after the 3 month mark. I realize now all my fond memories of my friends babies were after that time cause my friends, like me, didn’t really socialize the first 2 months Lol. That being said I now also know I am not a fan of newborns. In fact, I was around Natashia’s grand daughter alot and her newborn screetch like cries made my blood pressure rise again and I went into panic mode just as if I was reliving those early latch issue/colic days myself. I enjoy my daughter a billion times more at 5 months old. That being said, when looking back, it really was a spec on the map of parenting and I would do it again in an instant cause I love infants and children and I love my daughter more then I could ever fathom. Even on sleepless nights she fills
My heart and my soul with more love then I could ever imagine possible.

All in all, I wouldn’t change a thing with Evangeline, but I imagine myself being in many ways a different mom to nextbebe because of all I have learned from my
daughter. I often felt guilty after writing about struggling to keep sane during the fussy phase, especially after being a loss survivor. I thought about going back and deleting those posts then thought no way. I am a stillbirth survivor, but I am also a human, first time mom. I am imperfect and I am learning and I am entitled to feel overwhelmed by the enormity of it all. In fact I wish more moms had been upfront about their struggles so I would have known everything I was going through was completely normal and ok.

– I learned how to adjust my attitude to adjust my mood. When I am up from 3-5am it sucks the big one, but it’s not the end of the world. She will sleep, I will sleep, I just have to be patient and make the best of an annoying situation. I am so blessed to have her, period. It’s just hard to remember that sometimes when your so beyond exhausted.

Ok that’s my wisdom for today πŸ™‚ waiting for babalicious to wake from her nap so Mom can take us out for dinner. Having a wonderful time in Moncton and seriously wishing I lived here full time. Family is such a blessing, even when they annoy you.

Posted via LiveJournal.app.

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About mommamaynard

β€œLife is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance you must keep moving.” β€” Albert Einstein. When it feels like your world has been shattered, and you have reached rock bottom, you must make a choice: Stay where you are and fade away, or keep moving forward. Thankfully I chose to move forward and was blessed with the two most wonderful children after the death of my first in early labor. Things are looking up.

Posted on July 8, 2010, in Uncategorized and tagged . Bookmark the permalink. 9 Comments.

  1. I think, too, that I appreciate and am more patient with Bea since her big sis died.

  2. I feel so bad about struggling with Lucas as well. I just want to cherish and LOVE every single minute. I mean, I do, but its hard work! I think we are normal πŸ™‚

  3. Thank you for your honest post. πŸ™‚

    As a second time mom, I can tell you it can be easier, even the newborn phase. At least I found it to be so. All the nervousness you have as a first time mom isn’t there with the second (or third and so on) because you “know what you’re doing”. I had A LOT of trouble breastfeeding the first time around, for example, because I didn’t know anyone who had, I didn’t have supportive family, I had a “sleepy baby” and terrible latch issues. But we overcame it and I nursed my first for 26.5 months. So when #2 came along, all that stress and uneasiness (about breastfeeding) wasn’t there and it went relatively smoothly. I knew what I was doing and I just had to help Miss L learn what to do.

    And so it goes with most newborn issues. Your confidence as a mom makes it soooo much easier and more pleasant… even colicky babies are no as bothersome (my first didn’t have colic, my second did).

    For me, how long we waited for the second (almost 4 years separate my two kids) had more to do with my labour and delivery rather than the newborn period. I had what I now know to be a “rough time” and I didn’t want to go through it again. Thankfully, #2’s delivery was far superior. πŸ™‚

  4. Thank you for your honest post. πŸ™‚
    As a second time mom, I can tell you it can be easier, even the newborn phase. At least I found it to be so. All the nervousness you have as a first time mom isn’t there with the second (or third and so on) because you “know what you’re doing”. I had A LOT of trouble breastfeeding the first time around, for example, because I didn’t know anyone who had, I didn’t have supportive family, I had a “sleepy baby” and terrible latch issues. But we overcame it and I nursed my first for 26.5 months. So when #2 came along, all that stress and uneasiness (about breastfeeding) wasn’t there and it went relatively smoothly. I knew what I was doing and I just had to help Miss L learn what to do.
    And so it goes with most newborn issues. Your confidence as a mom makes it soooo much easier and more pleasant… even colicky babies are no as bothersome (my first didn’t have colic, my second did).
    For me, how long we waited for the second (almost 4 years separate my two kids) had more to do with my labour and delivery rather than the newborn period. I had what I now know to be a “rough time” and I didn’t want to go through it again. Thankfully, #2’s delivery was far superior. πŸ™‚

  5. Boy! Do I know what you mean by wishing other moms had been more upfront about their struggles. I’m quite happy to admit that I’m not a fan of the newborn phase in the least. I’m thankful we didn’t have to deal with colic – but even without that, her witching hours and cluster feedings were enough for me to want to just break down and cry.

    No one told me babies cluster fed. No one told me babies would have a witching hour. No one told me I’d feel depressed about not being pregnant anymore (who would have thought?!?) NO ONE TOLD ME ABOUT HAPPY SPITTERS (ARGH). There’s a lot of things I found out the hard way. But, I know I CAN do it…and I have an amazing, happy and healthy baby.

    However, when people ask me when I’m having the next one – I tell them I’ll only have another baby if they promise look after the baby for the first three months πŸ˜›

    Also, when people who are expecting, ask me what life is like with a newborn – I don’t gloss it over. I’m honest and upfront about the fact that it is HARD. But, I’m also honest and upfront about it being one of the most amazing and rewarding experiences in my life. No amount of extra sleep could replace those absolutely amazing 5am smiles.

    And now, I must find my baby who has managed to wiggle out of my line of vision. argh.

  6. Boy! Do I know what you mean by wishing other moms had been more upfront about their struggles. I’m quite happy to admit that I’m not a fan of the newborn phase in the least. I’m thankful we didn’t have to deal with colic – but even without that, her witching hours and cluster feedings were enough for me to want to just break down and cry.
    No one told me babies cluster fed. No one told me babies would have a witching hour. No one told me I’d feel depressed about not being pregnant anymore (who would have thought?!?) NO ONE TOLD ME ABOUT HAPPY SPITTERS (ARGH). There’s a lot of things I found out the hard way. But, I know I CAN do it…and I have an amazing, happy and healthy baby.
    However, when people ask me when I’m having the next one – I tell them I’ll only have another baby if they promise look after the baby for the first three months πŸ˜›
    Also, when people who are expecting, ask me what life is like with a newborn – I don’t gloss it over. I’m honest and upfront about the fact that it is HARD. But, I’m also honest and upfront about it being one of the most amazing and rewarding experiences in my life. No amount of extra sleep could replace those absolutely amazing 5am smiles.
    And now, I must find my baby who has managed to wiggle out of my line of vision. argh.

    • It’s pointless though. Even if you tell people how hard it is, it’s such a waste of time. They either think you’re crazy or they think you try to put them down, or they think that that only happens to you and it won’t happen to them.
      They just don’t get it.
      I think it’s just more important after the friend gives birth to be there for her…. rather than try to unload all the cluster feeding and the wanting to pull your eyeballs out at 6am…

      • Ya, I guess it’s no differant then the miscariage/stillbirth thing, people refuse to admit to themselves that it could ever happen to them til it does. We like to exist in a world of denial until we are not able anymore. I guess it makes sense, it’s important to the survival of our species. Like we forget about labor pains and colic hours and only remember all the good. The good is so marvelously good though :).

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