First time parenting
Now that were nearing the halfway point of Miss Evangelines first year I have been doing alot of reflecting on the past 6 months and parenting in general. I know now a few things for sure:
– I learned a load about myself as a mom and alot of things surprised me with how I reacted, both good and bad. I handled life with a fussy baby and the entire lifestyle change overall much much worse then I expected in the first 8 weeks.
-Having a living baby after stillbirth is a huge blessing that made me appreciate her all the more. It also however was way way more difficult then parenting Evan would have been cause I was a more laid back and relaxed person then. The overwhelming anxiety and sadness that enveloped me after Evans death didn’t just magically disappear when Evangeline made it home. Instead it made the early days all the more difficult as I loved her and cried over her brother all at once. I honestly think I would have handled colic better if I hadn’t had an anxiety disorder as a result of Satara and Evans death.
– I have a long grocery list of things I would both repeat and change with next bebe now that I have some experience under my belt.
-Babies can and do change their temperament after the magical 3 month mark. The baby that was unhappy all the time and cried all day for 8 weeks is now the happiest little baby on the block. She has come leaps and bounds.
-All my prior experience with babies before this had been after the 3 month mark. I realize now all my fond memories of my friends babies were after that time cause my friends, like me, didn’t really socialize the first 2 months Lol. That being said I now also know I am not a fan of newborns. In fact, I was around Natashia’s grand daughter alot and her newborn screetch like cries made my blood pressure rise again and I went into panic mode just as if I was reliving those early latch issue/colic days myself. I enjoy my daughter a billion times more at 5 months old. That being said, when looking back, it really was a spec on the map of parenting and I would do it again in an instant cause I love infants and children and I love my daughter more then I could ever fathom. Even on sleepless nights she fills
My heart and my soul with more love then I could ever imagine possible.
All in all, I wouldn’t change a thing with Evangeline, but I imagine myself being in many ways a different mom to nextbebe because of all I have learned from my
daughter. I often felt guilty after writing about struggling to keep sane during the fussy phase, especially after being a loss survivor. I thought about going back and deleting those posts then thought no way. I am a stillbirth survivor, but I am also a human, first time mom. I am imperfect and I am learning and I am entitled to feel overwhelmed by the enormity of it all. In fact I wish more moms had been upfront about their struggles so I would have known everything I was going through was completely normal and ok.
– I learned how to adjust my attitude to adjust my mood. When I am up from 3-5am it sucks the big one, but it’s not the end of the world. She will sleep, I will sleep, I just have to be patient and make the best of an annoying situation. I am so blessed to have her, period. It’s just hard to remember that sometimes when your so beyond exhausted.
Ok that’s my wisdom for today 🙂 waiting for babalicious to wake from her nap so Mom can take us out for dinner. Having a wonderful time in Moncton and seriously wishing I lived here full time. Family is such a blessing, even when they annoy you.
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