Post partum depression

I have been back and forth on this oh so many times. Do I or don’t I have it? What is normal, exausted parenting/adapting to a new life with a very high needs baby? It changes day by day, somedays feeling so low I don’t want to face another day of sitting home alone with the wee one to other days feeling just fine. I am torn between what is physiological and what is situational. I.e feeling isolated and lonely with no family and nearly no friends here in Halifax. It’s also related to a huge gaping spiritual void that I am taking steps to try and remedy. As much as Halifax is wonderful, I am deeply missing the sense of community and dear friends I had in Toronto.
Anyhow, I know that I thought when I had Evangeline all my prayers were answered and life would be perfect, and as much as she completes me…she can’t fix the huge sad gap Evan left in my heart. That is were the sad comes in. I never feel 100% anymore and the anxiety, though managable, can be overwhelming.

So were does loneliness/cabin fever and missing my would be 2 year old end and real depression begin? I just don’t know. All I know is that Dave feels it’s effecting me enough he called our family doctor to discuss it.

Part of me says take the meds for 5 or 6 months and she if they help. No other way to know for sure. On the other hand I worry about breastfeeding and what impact that has on treatment, cause quitting is not an option right now, metabolism-these drugs can have a huge impact on it and I would be more depressed if I started gaining rather then lossing which I have been working toward, sex drive-believe me, it cannot afford to lessen any furthur then full time breastfeeding has already lessened it….
This is what I do, overthink, overanalyze and generally worry myself sick about everything all the time. That is a huge, huge part of the problem.

I guess this story remains to be continued at a later time.

Posted via LiveJournal.app.

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About mommamaynard

“Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance you must keep moving.” — Albert Einstein. When it feels like your world has been shattered, and you have reached rock bottom, you must make a choice: Stay where you are and fade away, or keep moving forward. Thankfully I chose to move forward and was blessed with the two most wonderful children after the death of my first in early labor. Things are looking up.

Posted on August 2, 2010, in Uncategorized and tagged . Bookmark the permalink. 14 Comments.

  1. I’m very sorry you’re going through this. My friend Nada had PPD with her baby, and she took the meds. She says that it helped her very very much to get over the hardest part after the birth.. she was unable to function without them. She only took them for a few months and then things got better..

  2. I’m very sorry you’re going through this. My friend Nada had PPD with her baby, and she took the meds. She says that it helped her very very much to get over the hardest part after the birth.. she was unable to function without them. She only took them for a few months and then things got better..

  3. My case is similar to yours – I don’t have any family in this town and very few close friends – and no ‘daily’ friends except my 1 neighbor who i see a few times a week.

    i want to meet SAHMs in my ‘hood but it hasnt happened so far. Walking around the park doesn twork -everyone is on their own on the path. I am trying the YMCA now, taking a free kids class (no one showed up today :() and later swiming lessons – is there a rec center near you that you can try? I also started back up an aquacise class that I took when I was preggo – it’s all older women and the class is super low impact so everyone is very chatty – it was nice yesterday to have an adult to talk to!

    Anyway, I wanted to say that I understand how you feel some days. Some days the baby is fussy and i look at the clock and think it is foerver until Triple S gets home! But, we make it. That’s why I Facebook and blog, so at least I have some ‘comversation’

    But, if you suspect PPD, I think you should follow up. It sucks big time that medicine is covered but not talk therapy!!!!! Maybe you can ask the insurance company about it – say you want to do that instead of the drugs?? But, if a short course of a few months gets you out of the rut – it is surely worth it.

  4. My case is similar to yours – I don’t have any family in this town and very few close friends – and no ‘daily’ friends except my 1 neighbor who i see a few times a week.
    i want to meet SAHMs in my ‘hood but it hasnt happened so far. Walking around the park doesn twork -everyone is on their own on the path. I am trying the YMCA now, taking a free kids class (no one showed up today :() and later swiming lessons – is there a rec center near you that you can try? I also started back up an aquacise class that I took when I was preggo – it’s all older women and the class is super low impact so everyone is very chatty – it was nice yesterday to have an adult to talk to!
    Anyway, I wanted to say that I understand how you feel some days. Some days the baby is fussy and i look at the clock and think it is foerver until Triple S gets home! But, we make it. That’s why I Facebook and blog, so at least I have some ‘comversation’
    But, if you suspect PPD, I think you should follow up. It sucks big time that medicine is covered but not talk therapy!!!!! Maybe you can ask the insurance company about it – say you want to do that instead of the drugs?? But, if a short course of a few months gets you out of the rut – it is surely worth it.

  5. J, I know many, many mamas who bf on meds. There are quite a few that are fine to use when bf’ing. Most medicine, really is ok to use when bf’ing, there is usually an alternative or another option if one thing is not safe, you know? Check out Dr Hale’s mother’s milk/medication book, every nursing mama should have one. here are some links (he’s the foremost expert on nursing and meds in the world)

    http://www.kellymom.com/health/meds/antidepressants-hale10-02.html

  6. J, I know many, many mamas who bf on meds. There are quite a few that are fine to use when bf’ing. Most medicine, really is ok to use when bf’ing, there is usually an alternative or another option if one thing is not safe, you know? Check out Dr Hale’s mother’s milk/medication book, every nursing mama should have one. here are some links (he’s the foremost expert on nursing and meds in the world)
    http://www.kellymom.com/health/meds/antidepressants-hale10-02.html

    • Thanks Jen for the link. I wasn’t sure if there were any anxiety meds that are BF safe as someone had said to me to manage without em as long as possible whilst nursing. Was going to ask OB anyways, she is very pro breastfeeding. I will get that book as I intend to nurse for quite awhile longer.

    • Thanks Jen for the link. I wasn’t sure if there were any anxiety meds that are BF safe as someone had said to me to manage without em as long as possible whilst nursing. Was going to ask OB anyways, she is very pro breastfeeding. I will get that book as I intend to nurse for quite awhile longer.

  7. http://navelgazingmidwife.squarespace.com/navelgazing-midwife-blog/2010/5/5/doulas-and-mourning.html

    I read this blog entry after my own PPD diagnosis in January, and wish that someone had given me the information she highlights in the following paragraph:

    “…I tell moms some of the major symptoms of PPD – the feeling of ants crawling on them, seeing things out the corner of their eyes or hearing whispers in their ears… the desire to sleep continuously or, conversely, an inability to sleep at all for several days at a time… if they feel jerks or “shocks” when there is a loud noise… if their mind cannot stop running, scenario after scenario… sometimes horrifyingly scary and graphic. These are signs she needs help immediately. Mourning is normal, but these symptoms are not.”

    I had all of these symptoms, and still fight them to a lesser degree, though therapy is helping. If these sound familiar, talk to your OB or family doctor. There are ways to treat it without harming your milk supply or your breastfeeding relationship. I know that quitting breastfeeding would be unacceptable for me, and it sounds like you feel similarly.

    When I went to see my OB about possible PPD, she said something that made me feel really cared for. She said “you don’t have to suffer like this, even if it isn’t clinical PPD.” And she referred me to the psychotherapist that I am still seeing, and who has helped me more than I ever thought a stranger could. Whether by medication or talk therapy or herbal supplements or any other methods, I hope that you find a similar sense of caring and healing. There will always be sorrow because of your beautiful son’s loss, but unending suffering doesn’t have to be a constant. I wish you peace, my friend.

  8. http://navelgazingmidwife.squarespace.com/navelgazing-midwife-blog/2010/5/5/doulas-and-mourning.html
    I read this blog entry after my own PPD diagnosis in January, and wish that someone had given me the information she highlights in the following paragraph:
    “…I tell moms some of the major symptoms of PPD – the feeling of ants crawling on them, seeing things out the corner of their eyes or hearing whispers in their ears… the desire to sleep continuously or, conversely, an inability to sleep at all for several days at a time… if they feel jerks or “shocks” when there is a loud noise… if their mind cannot stop running, scenario after scenario… sometimes horrifyingly scary and graphic. These are signs she needs help immediately. Mourning is normal, but these symptoms are not.”
    I had all of these symptoms, and still fight them to a lesser degree, though therapy is helping. If these sound familiar, talk to your OB or family doctor. There are ways to treat it without harming your milk supply or your breastfeeding relationship. I know that quitting breastfeeding would be unacceptable for me, and it sounds like you feel similarly.
    When I went to see my OB about possible PPD, she said something that made me feel really cared for. She said “you don’t have to suffer like this, even if it isn’t clinical PPD.” And she referred me to the psychotherapist that I am still seeing, and who has helped me more than I ever thought a stranger could. Whether by medication or talk therapy or herbal supplements or any other methods, I hope that you find a similar sense of caring and healing. There will always be sorrow because of your beautiful son’s loss, but unending suffering doesn’t have to be a constant. I wish you peace, my friend.

    • Thanks for this..I know I have moderately severe anxiety issues for sure, so I think this all ties in..but I have 3 of the things mentioned above. Psychotherapy is not covered by my work medical plan and costs a small fortune of which we have none..not only do we have no fortune, I have manage to squeeze water from a rock to pay for childcare for Evangeline starting in January..hopefully only part time…Med’s however are covered. I got nearly a year of free therapy through the hospital after Evan died though.

    • Thanks for this..I know I have moderately severe anxiety issues for sure, so I think this all ties in..but I have 3 of the things mentioned above. Psychotherapy is not covered by my work medical plan and costs a small fortune of which we have none..not only do we have no fortune, I have manage to squeeze water from a rock to pay for childcare for Evangeline starting in January..hopefully only part time…Med’s however are covered. I got nearly a year of free therapy through the hospital after Evan died though.

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