Post partum depression
I have been back and forth on this oh so many times. Do I or don’t I have it? What is normal, exausted parenting/adapting to a new life with a very high needs baby? It changes day by day, somedays feeling so low I don’t want to face another day of sitting home alone with the wee one to other days feeling just fine. I am torn between what is physiological and what is situational. I.e feeling isolated and lonely with no family and nearly no friends here in Halifax. It’s also related to a huge gaping spiritual void that I am taking steps to try and remedy. As much as Halifax is wonderful, I am deeply missing the sense of community and dear friends I had in Toronto.
Anyhow, I know that I thought when I had Evangeline all my prayers were answered and life would be perfect, and as much as she completes me…she can’t fix the huge sad gap Evan left in my heart. That is were the sad comes in. I never feel 100% anymore and the anxiety, though managable, can be overwhelming.
So were does loneliness/cabin fever and missing my would be 2 year old end and real depression begin? I just don’t know. All I know is that Dave feels it’s effecting me enough he called our family doctor to discuss it.
Part of me says take the meds for 5 or 6 months and she if they help. No other way to know for sure. On the other hand I worry about breastfeeding and what impact that has on treatment, cause quitting is not an option right now, metabolism-these drugs can have a huge impact on it and I would be more depressed if I started gaining rather then lossing which I have been working toward, sex drive-believe me, it cannot afford to lessen any furthur then full time breastfeeding has already lessened it….
This is what I do, overthink, overanalyze and generally worry myself sick about everything all the time. That is a huge, huge part of the problem.
I guess this story remains to be continued at a later time.
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