RIP Sweet Kitty and anxiety stuff

I am so sad…Jaspurr is gone and it’s our fault.
We made the very hard to come to decision to have him put down tonight and it’s eating me alive.
He had another (4th) Urinary blockage/crystals, that keep’s coming back no matter what we try..He has been on special food for years and we have spent literally over a thousand dollars on him in the past 7 years..He peed all over the place this week, seriously, my whole house reaks of cat urine, so I took him to the vet. She felt she was able to treat it with antibiotics again but wanted to start him on Anti-depressant’s as she felt the infection was aggravated by the stress of the baby..she also felt it was highly likely to re-occur as it has been re-occurring every year’ish no matter what we do.  I honestly just did not have the cash to pay for all these test and med’s, it would have been added to the pile of debt and put on my Visa, as it was last time he got sick. We discussed all options and since he is 12, we decided just to have him put down…
Hardest decision..my stomach is killing me and I hate myself. I hope he forgives me.
I have spent the last 6.5 months trying so hard to make this transition easier on him and I really really tried to re-home him, but no one wanted him cause of all his health problems and the expenses that went with it.
I am just having a really bad night, and the baby was fussy, likely cause I was so anxious, and I just want to run away and hide.
I don’t foresee much sleep tonight as anxiety level is like a 12 out of 10…
I just keep crying.
Dave paid to have a plaque made for me with his paw prints and some hair in it, sweet.
I am just feeling like the worse pet owner, baby mother, wife, human being tonight. I want to run and hide.

Re anxiety and depression, my doctor felt I should meet with a mental health NP to see what’s what. She said she would make me the appointment and let me know asap, it’s been over a week and nothing. I can’t believe I am going to have to call and track this down again. Same thing happened when I finally reached out for help after Evan and got the run around. When a women says she may have post partum depression, she needs help, it’s a big step to ask for it people…grr.

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About mommamaynard

β€œLife is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance you must keep moving.” β€” Albert Einstein. When it feels like your world has been shattered, and you have reached rock bottom, you must make a choice: Stay where you are and fade away, or keep moving forward. Thankfully I chose to move forward and was blessed with the two most wonderful children after the death of my first in early labor. Things are looking up.

Posted on August 11, 2010, in Uncategorized and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 26 Comments.

  1. I’m so sorry about your kitty! Last summer we had 5 cats, one female. She had been picked on so much by the two younger males that she was peeing all over. They sometimes wouldn’t let her down to the basement where the boxes were. About a month after Moira died, we had been gone for a few hours and she was outside & hadn’t come in. She was hit by a car. It was awful & we think it happened after we were home. It was awful! In the long run for us it was probably for the best since she was peeing everywhere. It sucks!
    I would be calling my doctor everyday at this point if I hadn’t heard back! PPD is a serious thing & they should be helping you. My doctor put me on meds right away when I came to her saying I was having anxiety/panic attacks. I’m going to try & wean off of them after I start back to work & C starts daycare. I want to make that transition first before I wean off. Ugh!!

  2. I’m so sorry about your kitty! Last summer we had 5 cats, one female. She had been picked on so much by the two younger males that she was peeing all over. They sometimes wouldn’t let her down to the basement where the boxes were. About a month after Moira died, we had been gone for a few hours and she was outside & hadn’t come in. She was hit by a car. It was awful & we think it happened after we were home. It was awful! In the long run for us it was probably for the best since she was peeing everywhere. It sucks!
    I would be calling my doctor everyday at this point if I hadn’t heard back! PPD is a serious thing & they should be helping you. My doctor put me on meds right away when I came to her saying I was having anxiety/panic attacks. I’m going to try & wean off of them after I start back to work & C starts daycare. I want to make that transition first before I wean off. Ugh!!

  3. When Liam was born, we had 3 cats. We now have none. One had to be rehomed because of poo-tracking issues, and one because of our move to FL. The other one – the one we’d had the longest, who was our first baby and my constant companion – had to be put down because he went feral and attacked my husband. (He’d always been pretty crazy; my friends’ kids were all afraid of him.) We couldn’t take the risk that it would happen again, or that he would do something like that to Liam. It was the hardest decision I think we’ve ever had to make, and the most terrible thing in the world to have animal control come and take away your beloved pet. 😦 But he was obviously not well, in some way, and we had to do what was best for the whole family. Your decision wasn’t an easy one, and wasn’t one you just made lightly. Please believe that Jaspurr knew he was loved and probably knew that he was sick. He trusted you to make the right decision for him, and I’m sure that you did. *hugs*


    That is terrible, what you’re going through with mental health, as well. I’ve never understood why it is so difficult (in the States, but apparently also in Canada) to get help. Unless you are in an emergency situation, or have lots and lots of money to throw around, it is SO difficult to get the help that will PREVENT it from becoming an emergency situation. I hope someone helps you out soon because you’re right – asking for help in the first place is one of the hardest parts. They don’t need to make it that much harder for you. :/

  4. When Liam was born, we had 3 cats. We now have none. One had to be rehomed because of poo-tracking issues, and one because of our move to FL. The other one – the one we’d had the longest, who was our first baby and my constant companion – had to be put down because he went feral and attacked my husband. (He’d always been pretty crazy; my friends’ kids were all afraid of him.) We couldn’t take the risk that it would happen again, or that he would do something like that to Liam. It was the hardest decision I think we’ve ever had to make, and the most terrible thing in the world to have animal control come and take away your beloved pet. 😦 But he was obviously not well, in some way, and we had to do what was best for the whole family. Your decision wasn’t an easy one, and wasn’t one you just made lightly. Please believe that Jaspurr knew he was loved and probably knew that he was sick. He trusted you to make the right decision for him, and I’m sure that you did. *hugs*

    That is terrible, what you’re going through with mental health, as well. I’ve never understood why it is so difficult (in the States, but apparently also in Canada) to get help. Unless you are in an emergency situation, or have lots and lots of money to throw around, it is SO difficult to get the help that will PREVENT it from becoming an emergency situation. I hope someone helps you out soon because you’re right – asking for help in the first place is one of the hardest parts. They don’t need to make it that much harder for you. :/

  5. I’m so sorry hear hun. I sent you a FB message.I feel your pain.I went through the same thing too.It’s not easy.

    See you tonight. Maybe having some friends to chat and letting it out would help a little.

    Thinking of you

  6. I’m so sorry hear hun. I sent you a FB message.I feel your pain.I went through the same thing too.It’s not easy.
    See you tonight. Maybe having some friends to chat and letting it out would help a little.
    Thinking of you

  7. I’m sorry to hear about your kitty. It’s hard, and it’s sad, but you really do have to make the best choice for you, for him, and for your family. (((HUGS))) Be kind to yourself. This cannot be helped.

  8. I’m sorry to hear about your kitty. It’s hard, and it’s sad, but you really do have to make the best choice for you, for him, and for your family. (((HUGS))) Be kind to yourself. This cannot be helped.

  9. Our cat is prone to those urinary crystal things. We too have spent thousands on him (and have him on special wet food), and I know it sounds harsh, but my husband and I decided last time that if it happens one more time, we’re putting him down. It’s a terrible choice to have to make, but know that I understand your decision. I’m so sorry you’re sad, I know how it feels. I know you did what you had to do. 😦

  10. Our cat is prone to those urinary crystal things. We too have spent thousands on him (and have him on special wet food), and I know it sounds harsh, but my husband and I decided last time that if it happens one more time, we’re putting him down. It’s a terrible choice to have to make, but know that I understand your decision. I’m so sorry you’re sad, I know how it feels. I know you did what you had to do. 😦

  11. yeah what alexis said. be gentle with yourself. he was 12. that’s a great long loved cat life ❀

  12. yeah what alexis said. be gentle with yourself. he was 12. that’s a great long loved cat life ❀

    • Thanks. He was a stray I took in as a kitten, we used to be really really close, he hated Dave forever and peed on Dave’s pillow as soon as Dave moved in with me. Both of them just put up with each other all these years..but since the baby he was terrible, anxious, aggressive, whinny, sick all the time, just generally stressed out and depressed..I felt horrible for him, he started scratching everything, ruined our screen door, drapes and area rug,then he started to pee everywhere, he peed all over my shoes, ruined the laminate in the mud room, just was destroying the house. Took him to the vet to see what was up, she just felt we could not re-home an older cat with behavioral issues/huge anxiety issues and that this treatment would not be the last unless he was on constant medication and it was all just to much..I felt it was the most humane thing to do..but still, the guilt, I should have/could have done more voice in my head..

    • Thanks. He was a stray I took in as a kitten, we used to be really really close, he hated Dave forever and peed on Dave’s pillow as soon as Dave moved in with me. Both of them just put up with each other all these years..but since the baby he was terrible, anxious, aggressive, whinny, sick all the time, just generally stressed out and depressed..I felt horrible for him, he started scratching everything, ruined our screen door, drapes and area rug,then he started to pee everywhere, he peed all over my shoes, ruined the laminate in the mud room, just was destroying the house. Took him to the vet to see what was up, she just felt we could not re-home an older cat with behavioral issues/huge anxiety issues and that this treatment would not be the last unless he was on constant medication and it was all just to much..I felt it was the most humane thing to do..but still, the guilt, I should have/could have done more voice in my head..

  13. (((((((((((((((((((((((((hugehugs))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

    a) He was loved, he lived a good life. You let him go in (relative) comfort and painlessly. You made a mature decision that was best for everyone (and he’s NOT in pain anymore or stressed out). Yes, it is sad but please do not feel guilty, sweet Jaime. He knows you love him.

    b) were we friended when my cat died? It’s an awful story, so I don’t want to shell shock you with it, but my cat’s name was Roshi and there’s tags about his death, if you feel like reading. (And it was absolutely my fault, not a choice, an accident, but still my fault.)

    c) Call your Dr’s office and ask what’s going on re: the appointment. August is weird for appointments, because of vacations. Talk to them and let them know again this is serious.

    d) ❀

    e) please be gentle with yourself and figure out a way to help yourself sleep tonight. Not sleeping will only worsen the anxiety. Breathe and know you are loved.

  14. (((((((((((((((((((((((((hugehugs))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
    a) He was loved, he lived a good life. You let him go in (relative) comfort and painlessly. You made a mature decision that was best for everyone (and he’s NOT in pain anymore or stressed out). Yes, it is sad but please do not feel guilty, sweet Jaime. He knows you love him.
    b) were we friended when my cat died? It’s an awful story, so I don’t want to shell shock you with it, but my cat’s name was Roshi and there’s tags about his death, if you feel like reading. (And it was absolutely my fault, not a choice, an accident, but still my fault.)
    c) Call your Dr’s office and ask what’s going on re: the appointment. August is weird for appointments, because of vacations. Talk to them and let them know again this is serious.
    d) ❀
    e) please be gentle with yourself and figure out a way to help yourself sleep tonight. Not sleeping will only worsen the anxiety. Breathe and know you are loved.

    • Thanks. I don’t know your cat story, when I am feeling a bit stronger I will seek it out. I know we did what had to be done..with time I will manage to be ok. I just feel I betrayed his trust so deeply.
      Tell Evangeline that not sleeping will only worsen my anxiety because the child did not want to be sleeping last night. She was up and down all flipping night..oy.

    • Thanks. I don’t know your cat story, when I am feeling a bit stronger I will seek it out. I know we did what had to be done..with time I will manage to be ok. I just feel I betrayed his trust so deeply.
      Tell Evangeline that not sleeping will only worsen my anxiety because the child did not want to be sleeping last night. She was up and down all flipping night..oy.

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