Inevitable Return

The time to no longer be a stay at home mom is slowing creeping up on me. When I stop and realize I am just under 2 months away from having to return to work full time, I cannot believe a year has passed since I left work to prepare for the impending arrival of our darling Evangeline. I can’t believe how deeply I have changed this passed year. When she was still in my belly, having never gotten to bring home a living baby, I had no idea what I was in for. Now I look at her, with her immense personality and can just barely wrap my mind around the concept that this person grew in my belly. Whoah.
The impending return to my work life is a deeply bittersweet one. I hate the idea of being away from her 5 full days a week, it’s absolutely heartbreaking. We need my income and my benefits to live, we have tried and tried to make the numbers work so I don’t have to go back full time, and if I didn’t have such a big student loan to repay it might work. The goal is to get this damn student loan taken care of as soon as possible so there is a possibility of me working just part time in the future. In the meantime, miss Evangeline will be in shared care between Dave and two of our friends who are stay at home parents. I try not to think about it to be honest cause it makes me so very sad to be leaving my little girl, I feel nauseous just talking about it. Nothing in the universe is as important to me as being her mom.

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About mommamaynard

“Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance you must keep moving.” — Albert Einstein. When it feels like your world has been shattered, and you have reached rock bottom, you must make a choice: Stay where you are and fade away, or keep moving forward. Thankfully I chose to move forward and was blessed with the two most wonderful children after the death of my first in early labor. Things are looking up.

Posted on November 7, 2010, in Uncategorized and tagged . Bookmark the permalink. 5 Comments.

  1. ugh.

    It’s good you got a year.

    It’s tough for us financially without me working. But we don’t have student loans, thankfully. And we’d have to pay for daycare, which I think would be all of my salary anyway.

    I hope it works out and you can pay your student loans off in time for E’s little sibling (if you decide to have one). That’s a good goal, don’t you think?

    In the mean time, can you try to live as if you weren’t working (except for paying off the loans part)? That way you can save a stash and reduce your spending.

  2. {{hugs}} I know how hard it is to trust your baby to others when you would rather be home with her. And especially difficult with a ‘rainbow baby’. Enjoy these two months at home with her, and know that you are doing what is necessary for your family. Hopefully it won’t take you long before you can cut back your hours at work.

  3. I understand completely. It’s a tough decision. I had a rought time after going back to work after Rachel. I thought it would be a lot more horrible than it actually was, however. It is nice to have a “bit” of your normal adult interactions back online. ((hugs)) It also makes what time you do spend with them even more special if that makes sense?

    • Sure hope your right..I have heard this from others. I don’t doubt having some me time will be grand..it’s just that I hate that someone else will be spending more time with her overall then me..I will be at work most of her waking day which just upsets me so deeply. I would love to work 3 days a week if it were feasible.

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