Man, I am just feeling plain old overwhelmed with life these days. Life is good, don’t get me wrong, good things are underway, but I am a worrywart and I got caught up in the daily mundane things.
I love my job and what I do, but at what cost? I mean Evangeline seems to be thriving and growing everyday, she seems to love going to her child care providers, in fact she tries to put on her own coat and go when I tell her were going to see her little friend (their daughter). I guess it’s just the guilt of only having 2 full day a week with her, on weeknights I get 3 hours with her…though it is quality time…It just feels like spinning tires and it’s exhausting. I now have two full time jobs, the one as a Career Counsellor were I help people all day long, and the one as E’s full-time mom, which is more rewarding then words can express. I have no time, energy or money left for me.
I seem to just be throwing a one women pitty party. Worse part is that despite both of us working our tails off 5-6 days a week, we can just barely keep on top of the bills, and we live VERY frugally. I just hate debt and I don’t want to live with it over my head anymore, but I can’t get out of it cause all my extra money is going to groceries and child care. Its frustrating to have tons of education, two fluent languages, 11 years experience in my field and still be just scrapping by in our tiny cheap house, with our one shared car (I travel by bus). Sure we both have smartphones and we have high speed Internet, but in order to balance those luxuries out we have gotten rid of our landline and cable tv. It’s my giant student loan that continuously sinks me at 450 a month payment for the past 9 years….when that is done I feel like I will be laughing all the way to the bank. 3 more years max. It’s just frustrating, D and I arguing over money, he working 7 days this week between two jobs to help pay for the house repairs, and I give him hell for spending $90 on himself for the apple tv. He earned it, he should be able to spend a little on himself…I guess I just get frustrated cause I have no money left over to buy myself anything ever…I put a pair of $25 sandals on my visa and paying them off just cut into my food money.
I know, welcome to grown up life.
Now for those positive affirmations, to keep the anxiety haunting me at bay…
-Life is good, filled with love, laughter and support, what matters most in life I have in abundance.
– The debt thing is temporary. Any outstanding debt (outside stupid loan). Will be gone gone gone with the sale of this house, then we will start fresh in a new home, debt free.
– Within 4 years, before I am 40, which is very young, my student loan will be done and I will still have all my education behind me, which is priceless.
– As I mature, I am becoming a strong and intelligent women I can’t help but respect. I believe good things lie ahead for D and I and our little E.
-My employment makes me feel capable and valued, thus makes me a better mom for E, My employer respects and appreciates me, and I deserve that. I am good at what I do. So much so my employer was willing to invest a nice sum into my professional development, which benefits both the organization and myself.
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