The Child Rearing Cunundrum

My baby girl; She is changing at the speed of light and I am so very sad that I spend more time away from her then with her. I despise that someone else is raising her. Sure we got lucky with our care provider and she is very happy there.  I also enjoy my career and do want to keep working away at it.

In an ideal world, I would work 3 days per week and that would be enough to support our family. Sadly, however, that is not the case.  I went to University for 6 years, so I have a 30k student loan to re-pay, and that is to the tune of 400 a month. Add to that a mortgage payment and all the other expenses that come with home ownership and a car…and there is no way Dave can carry the load alone.  Not with the measly $175.00 I get a month from the Government.

There is something wrong with a society where it costs more than a mortgage payment to keep your kid in childcare so you can work, but you get no support at all if you want to be a stay at home mom.  Your education costs you a fortune, so if you want to have any type of formal education, you will have work for most of your adult life to pay it back. It’s just a terrible cycle, I work to pay for my student debt and my childcare, and I have very little leftover. I would much rather work just enough to help the family out and be home with my child. Having another will mean twice the cost of childcare, which, unless I miraculously get a 20k raise, I don’t think will even be possible.  You can’t get water from a stone; we are all tapped out as it is. Maybe ‘then’, we can someone figure out a way for me work from home, or work around Dave’s schedule. I know, join the club. This is the sad song of mother’s everywhere.  Around and around and around we go, handing all of our money over to a service we would rather not require in the first place.

We should take the example of other countries.  Sweden for instance, I think, has it right. Specifically:                                                                                         *“Sweden is well-known for prioritizing quality of life in its labour laws. For example, parents of children aged eight and under have the right to work part-time (75% or more), a right of which many Swedes take advantage. Parents who miss work in order to take care of a sick child (up to 12 years old) can also receive compensation for lost income. All workers in Sweden receive at least five weeks of paid vaca­tion per year. Sweden also has very generous laws for parental leave for new parents (of both adopted and biological children).” ALSO “”The norm in Sweden is that both parents work. Quality, affordable childcare is therefore very im­portant to Swedes. Publicly subsidized childcare is available to all children between the ages 1 – 12. This includes both daycare for pre-school children and after-school care for school-age children. Most child care centers are run by the municipality, but there are also private day care centers and parent co-operatives, though most of these also receive government subsidies.” AND *”University studies are free for residents of Sweden as well as EU/EEA and Swiss citizens. Sweden also has publicly funded student loans and subsidies available to residents studying at the upper secondary or university level.

All I know if that my little girl is learning something new every day, and someone else is getting to see it first. That makes me deeply sad.  I would have loved to be home with home with her most days ‘At Least’ until she is ready to start pre-school a.k.a 3ish years old. I love the child with every ounce of my being, and spending so much time away from her tears me apart every day. How could anyone not miss this face:

__________________________________________________________________________ All quotes derived from a document entitled: Living and Working in Sweden-and can be viewed here


About mommamaynard

“Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance you must keep moving.” — Albert Einstein. When it feels like your world has been shattered, and you have reached rock bottom, you must make a choice: Stay where you are and fade away, or keep moving forward. Thankfully I chose to move forward and was blessed with the two most wonderful children after the death of my first in early labor. Things are looking up.

Posted on September 6, 2011, in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. 5 Comments.

  1. I agree completely. I just don’t understand why our society can’t help parents out more – I think daycare should be covered via taxes (or, alternately, there should be more financial support for stay-at-home mothers).

    I have a lot of friends in the same situation – having to work because they can’t afford not to BUT also having to pay toward daycare a significant portion of their salaries. There’s really something wrong with this system.

    And I say that as someone who doesn’t have a child (yet,anyway).

    • Glad to here that a childless taxpayer would be cool with their contribution going toward ‘actual’ quality subsidized childcare for working parents. Our children ARE the next generation after all, sort of essential to humanity, *even if* others choose not to be parents. We do want the next to 1) exist and 2) exist with half a brain due to quality care they received as children. I say ‘actual’ because the Government would say that we do have subsidized daycare now…phhhh it’s a joke. Firstly there are almost no spots, secondly your have be beneath the poverty line to qualify and thirdly, the amount is a joke, one friend got $7 a day…come on.

      • Totally! I think it’s an important investment.

        The financial aspect of having a child is such a daunting thing – I have no idea how people do it.

      • We don’t think about it and deal one month at a time. They are worth every cent. Being a parent truly is the greatest thing I have ever done. Also, hand me downs and grandparents :).

      • Also…I for one hope you DO reproduce. The human race is depending on more intelligent people to have babies so we don’t end up watering our crops with Gatorade like beverages and wondering why they fail. Serious, I am scared for us right now. Smart babies please.

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