September 11th, 2001

I didn’t get to write my September 11th post yesterday, I needed to organize my thoughts, to think about what I wanted to say; and I had a toddler hanging off my leg. I know one thing, I will NEVER, ever forget where I was, or what I was doing when I heard the twin towers were falling. It will forever be burned into my brain, like the horror that it was is. As it should be, something this horrific must NEVER be forgotten.

I was in class at George Brown College in Toronto. Class was in session when the plane’s actually hit. I remember someone coming into our class and saying that a plan had smashed into the Pentagon and World Trade Center in New York. Our teachers scrambled and found a TV with cable access and turned on the news in our classroom and we all just sat in horror and watched everything unfold before our eyes. I felt so removed from it all, just sitting back and watching this horror unfold before me, yet far away from me. It was almost like watching a movie; was this real? Could this REALLY be REAL? It seemed to horrific to be possible.

They let school out early that day, and many of us were taking public transit home. As soon as we stepped out into society, we all realized this was VERY real and VERY close. There were police and security everywhere. There were armed guards on high alert on every subway platform, at every stop. The whole way home I felt horrifically frightened and wished I wasn’t traveling alone. I was still pretty new to the big city and everything seemed so surreal, like we were preparing for a war; which of course we were. I remember people saying there was fear they would hit Canada next and Toronto or Vancouver would be the most likely target; which just enveloped me with fear further. Me, so very far from home, from the small place I grew up; alone in the big city. My mother was loosing her mind with panic, trying to reach me on my cell phone, leaving numerous messages.  As soon as I walked in the door I turned on CNN and called my mom and just went into shock. The images of the people jumping out of the building, just falling down the stories to their death; the buildings smoking, the panic, it was all too much for my hyper-sensitive psyche to witness. I can only imagine the trauma of the people actually at ground zero, witnessing it all helplessly. My mind just shut down. I turned off the TV and cried and cried and I couldn’t look again. All I can see to this day is the people falling out of the building, one after another, all falling to their death at their own hands; because jumping was less horrific then burning.  That image will forever haunt me and bring me nightmares.

Needless to say, Canada was never attacked, not physically anyhow. Psychologically, that is a different story altogether. Our sense of safety, our hope for peace in the world, our belief in mankind; that was all attacked, as it was for the rest of the world. This changed everything for everyone. It is the closest thing to pure evil I have ever witnessed and it will always live in the back of my mind.

Kimya Dawson wrote a song about witnessing 9-11 from a distance; when I first heard it I stopped dead in my tracks. My heart started to beat faster and my eyes welled up with tears. She got it exactly right, as she has so many other sensitive topics. Here is an exert of her lyrics:

In Montreal I got so mad, someone broke into the van
Stole my guitar and Aaron’s bag
Then we turned on CNN, watched the towers fall again
And realized that our lives aren’t so bad
This is just a test, take it with love and you will pass
You will be rewarded if you do your very best
Nothing ever goes as planned so don’t take anything for granted
If you do the world will kick your ass

The air is filled with computers and carpets
Skin and bones and telephones and file cabinets
Coke machines, firemen, landing gear, and cement
They say that it’s okay but I say don’t breathe in

The air is filled with computers and carpets
Skin and bones and telephones and file cabinets
Coke machines, firemen, landing gear, and cement
They say that it’s okay but I say don’t breathe that shit in

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About mommamaynard

“Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance you must keep moving.” — Albert Einstein. When it feels like your world has been shattered, and you have reached rock bottom, you must make a choice: Stay where you are and fade away, or keep moving forward. Thankfully I chose to move forward and was blessed with the two most wonderful children after the death of my first in early labor. Things are looking up.

Posted on September 12, 2011, in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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